Guest Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 My wife left with our 2 kids a few weeks before our last premature baby came home. This was about a month and a half ago. She went to stay at her grammas. THis completely devasted me, I couldnt work, I couldn't sleep, didn't want to eat, emotionally just layed out on the floor and cried many nights, and she didn't take the newborn to my place for even 1 night so I could cherish it, completely devasted. Married 3 years, been together 5, loved her with all my heart but all she does is lie to me over and over again these days and calls me on neglect. Story she left, I wasn't there for the kids which are 1.5 years and 3.5 months now ,she needed more help, and i was neglecting her and her sexual needs. Ok yeah I screwed up, work became my life and I neglected her alot since the first baby was born. Not sure why, but I guess I felt to be the supporter and didn't realize what made me happiest in life was right in front of me. I put my own comfort and convenience before hers and I suffered big time for it. Didn't even realize it till she left. THE BAD ABOUT ME. I was so confounded by thinking about the child's futures and thought I was doing the best thing for them to make sure they got everything they wanted, that I rarely went to doctors appointments, maybe one 1 out of 10, left her to do all the house cleaning and cooking as she wasn't working and was now the housewife. I felt fine with this arrangement, take care of the kids, house, cooking and I'll just continue to do this to ensure we are stable. I work self-employed in the basement of our home, and it can be long hours, if I get stressed i'll go enjoy some video games and boy was that a bad idea, called on neglect again. Got to point I had her doing everything, even going to banks for me, grab food etc, like my personal secretary which I thought was ok at the time since she wasn't working and I got so fat drinking pepsi all day long. Well I took alot of the month at self-reflection, and found I wasn't living the way I should of, now that I can't work I'm the guy she wanted to be with. THE GOOD. Well I decided to change after a week of the depression and knowing what I truely wanted, started myself only drinking water for weeks on end, dropped 10 pounds this month trying to look better,(which i do now), constantly tried going out everynight drinking to try and take my mind off things, which I realize now is just stupid and its better to face your feelings head on. I've done a 180 here, even started taking the kids everyday after the first week so show I changed, always being told anytime "I need more time". I accepted this for 3 weeks or so. Read relationship books, how to keep women happy, even had her over one night with a list of things I wrote on paper I would changed about myself, like going to bed everynight with her(screw working late hours), taking more time for the kids, and spending a couple devoted hours a night as just "our time". I was totally into whatever I could to make it work, making my body look good, making my mind accept what I did wrong, and was truely trying to work on it and even suggest marriage councelling as the final string. No response, just as always "I need time". The possible cheating wife: Ok at this point I was starting to get suspicious, we've had small breakups in the past but they never lasted more than a couple days and we needed each other back. I started suspecting possible cheating as now people were telling me they thought she was, and the always "I need more time" was wearing its welcome. I decided to do some investigating, I run a home PBX at home so that means I can record all incomming and outgoing calls from my house on demand. So I decided to start listening to phone calls she had around the date she left. Look and behold, she was constantly seeing this guy a month before my last daughter came home from hospital. I was devasted, she met this guy at a social at the beginning of May, and have been seeing each other and calling each other non-stop in spurts. The logs around the date she actually left revealed her calls to him were more consistant and everyday around the day she left. So this upsets me and I investigate farther, with someone I can get the truth out of that what she has been doing, her brother. I let him know I know everything now and he tells me everything he knows over a coffee. Most I got out of this was him saying he has seen them together alot and saw them kissing. My mother suggested I go pickup the kids unexpected one day to confirm my suspicions, I find him there! He use to run out the door before I came and come back in after I left. Day I meet him she tells me he is just a friend and he is getting married. This was a couple days before I listened to the phone calls of the two, another contributing factor to investigate her. I only had one question to ask him , I asked "SO when is the wedding date". Of course he had no definately date, but she managed to convince me maybe it was so. Thought about it again later, "Wouldn;t someone who is getting married be with his new fiancee instead of my wife?" All suspicions were true, she had been having an emotional affair taking advantage of the easy comfortable connection of having someone there since I had neglected her. So now I am completed devasted again, I worked all month changing myself, to find out she is with some new boyfriend she calls only a "friend". One week she phones me up and tells me she is going to a cottage with the kids, appears it was actually her "friends" parents cottage, and they stayed together for 3 days in some cottage together with both my kids! Again devasted, not only sleeping with this new guy, but brings my kids around it. SO now she lies to me about where she goes, no forwarding number for my kids, so I confront her on it yelling at her other other week, then she goes off yelling at her brother for telling me that. She tells me again he is just a "friend" and they didn't have any sex. Right, like I can beleive anything she tells me anymore right? She feeds a baby every 2 hours , yet she has time to run off to cottages with this "friend". She tells me she is getting her own apartment today and listed things she wants, says of course she is going to be living alone. Well I am tired of this, but the only evidence I have is her sneaking around not telling me about this guy, this cottage trip she says she had seperate rooms, and this guy that is always there now 24/7 with her, hes gets off work he is there all the time, and even came with her one day to drop off the kids here. Also this time they kissed but she apparently pulled away. Well I don;t think it takes an idiot to see whats happening here, but somewhere in my head I keep telling myself maybe she isn't sleeping with him. SO of course i use psychology on her saying things like "sure i trust you if you are just friends then of course you are" " and sure "if you say your not sleeping together than your not" just to avoid telling her yeah you cheating whore who if I am wrong, puts the seeds in motion to actually make it happen. I'm at a loss, love her so much, but I am sure its time to move on. As much as I try to act positive around her now, I can tell she still loves me because she picks at things on me that wouldn;t matter to her if she didn;t. I am trying to swallow my pride now, seeing other women, but it don't help at all, I find myself talking about my ex alot which is wrong. I guess time heals all but its hard to have to keep seeing her because of the kids. Selling the house now, and I find myself neglecting the kids more right now because I need this healing time away from her which isn't right. I'm trying to move on with my life, seriously contemplating a private investigator to give me closure on the whole situation right now. One thing I am going to regardless is make her want me back, then I can put her through what she made me feel all month. Thought about this some more, and decided if I start doing this to much it might affect me negatively and be harder to move onto a new relationship. So I'm going to only do this in moderation, and let her new relationship go as far as it can, so I can learn more about who she really is. I'm really screwed up emotionally, and am trying to move on with my life, I think based on the evidence I have that should be enough to convict her of cheating, but emotionally I am still screwed up thinking ohhh ok but it wasn;t sex, but emotional affairs are much harder to handle. What is everyone's vote I am curious, would you drop her ? could you handle infidelity? How do I get over this? Got to get out there and date I guess, I just can't beleive any woman could be this cruel.
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