Sadistic_Life Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 Okay, so I know this sounds a little selfish, but this guy whom I am friends with use to call me/buy things for me/buy me lunch/go out of his way for me. Now it's like I do everything for him. I'll buy him lunch (he vary rarely asks, but I just do it), I call him, etc. How do I turn it back around? I mean, I enjoy doing things for him, but I like having things done for me as well. I was reading somewhere that one way is to ask for favors, because, believe it or not, though you would think that they would like you better if you did things for them, actually people generally like you better when you ask them to do something for you; the human psychology is crazy, no? Okay, so I suppose another thing I could do is stop buying him lunch/calling him, but now I feel obligated to get him something when I get food for myself. And as far as the calling is concerned, now he has me hooked! I go crazy when we don't talk; he use to call me all of the time, and I would call occasionally. Now (today for example), I called him three times, and he only called me once. I would think he might not be interested in me anymore, but then he will come over and talk/flirt with me. So, I don't know what to think. I don't know when this turned around from him doing everything for me, to me stalking him . I swear, I use to be such a rational woman who made fun of women who acted this way, and now here I am, pineing (sp?) over a man. Hahahaha....*sigh* So, what do I do to turn-the-tables back around to me? Though he does come in and flirt with me/touch me/do things for me (occasionally), how do I get him to pine after me as much as he use to? I know men like the "catch," so, should I not call him anymore? Should I let him know that I am interested in him as more than a friend (I think he wanted more, and when I didn't really answer-to-the-occasion, he has let up a bit...I guess he is looking for more than a friend...)? Help Please!
Author Sadistic_Life Posted July 11, 2006 Author Posted July 11, 2006 Okay, I would really like to have at least one suggestion to my plight before I go to bed tonight! Give me something to think about..., please!
Outcast Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 You're doing all the work. You shouldn't. But FOUR calls in one day between you? A bit much, no? It's possible he's not interested anymore. Or he thinks he's 'got' you and doesn't have to work so hard anymore. What you have to do is calm down. Leave him be. If he calls you once, call him once. If he doesn't buy lunch, don't buy lunch. Follow his pace. And remember you can't make anybody love you. Clearly this isn't about being friends at all - you're interested. He may be or may not be but your doing all the work will never give him a chance to show it if he is.
Author Sadistic_Life Posted July 11, 2006 Author Posted July 11, 2006 You're doing all the work. You shouldn't. But FOUR calls in one day between you? A bit much, no? It's possible he's not interested anymore. Or he thinks he's 'got' you and doesn't have to work so hard anymore. What you have to do is calm down. Leave him be. If he calls you once, call him once. If he doesn't buy lunch, don't buy lunch. Follow his pace. And remember you can't make anybody love you. Clearly this isn't about being friends at all - you're interested. He may be or may not be but your doing all the work will never give him a chance to show it if he is. See, that's the thing. We have been friends for a while, and I never thought anything of him other than as a friend. Then he started calling me all of the time, getting me things, etc. Hahaha, and we work together, so we have to call eachother (since we work directly together and he has to call me to get info. and I have to him). You see, he use to call all of the time, just to chat...I mean, all of the time. Out of eight hours, we probably only really worked three. So, lately we have been really busy, but still, I feel as though he isn't as interested in talking with me as much, though he says he is. But then he will come in, and chat, and mess up my desk (thinking he is cute). Actually, this is what got me thinking that I may like him...he use to do so much with me, now we don't do hardly anything. It is depressing. NOW I realize I like him, where I think he liked me before, and I didn't really pay attention to him. I hate this tango of love crap. Why can't two people like eachother at the same time? It's annoying. Anyway, I think I will stop calling/buying lunch and see what happens.
Outcast Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 Why can't two people like eachother at the same time? It's annoying. I couldn't agree more!
Walk Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 He may have felt that he was putting in all the effort to catch your attention, realized it wasn't working at all, and moved on. I have a friend who had been doing the same thing for a female friend of his. He really likes her and has told her. The only time she really shows him much attention is when he stops doing stuff for her. Buying her stuff, initiating contact, etc. Then she freaks out and starts chasing him. It confuses the crap out of him and its killing him. It might not be like your situation, but if you don't think you like this guy as a person, but for the attention he gives you... then don't play games to get him to pay attention to you again. The guy may have withdrawn in order to protect his heart. And if you pull him back in, and then decide you were wrong about liking him... that's just cruel. If you do like the guy, and it's not about the gifts/attention. Then back off from him for a while. He may honestly be busy. But it'll also give him a chance to realize you aren't around, and he'll come looking for you. (if he's still interested)
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