luvtoto Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 Don't ya hate it when you run into your 'X' by chance, while you are struggling with strict NC. Then, on top of that, in that short five minutes of being cordial with him at the gas station, he proceeds to flirt, mess with your head, use every trick he has in the book, and say just the right things to you. Just doesn't seem fair. How does one protect themselves from situations like this?
daphne Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 You smile and move on. Don't engage in conversation. I wish I had done that when my ex came back around to mess with my head.
Author luvtoto Posted July 10, 2006 Author Posted July 10, 2006 You smile and move on. Don't engage in conversation. I wish I had done that when my ex came back around to mess with my head. Thanks, daphne. I did do that. I went into pay for my gas without him even seeing me. Damn...wouldn't you know it, he sneaks up behind me and tickles me in the ribs. Charm, personality and sex appeal were oozing out of his pores. Ugh. Not like the losers I've been meeting lately. I did cut the conversation short, though. Had to go! He seemed a little surprised. There I go again, reading into things.
Agent M Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 Just wondering...if you are on N/C, why is he talking to you at all?
Author luvtoto Posted July 11, 2006 Author Posted July 11, 2006 Just wondering...if you are on N/C, why is he talking to you at all? That's a good freakin' question, agent. He needs to move on or something. He even asked my daughter out in the parking lot, while I was inside, if I had found a new BF yet. Wha?! She told me as we were driving off. She said, "I don't know." Plus, I would have looked like an idiot if I were to storm off when he tried to talk to me. I am not mad at him in the least. Just can't be around him for even 5 minutes or all my feelings come rushing back.
Agent M Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 Hmmm. I put my ex on N/C and ran into him at a party about 5 days later. I was walking with 2 guys and one saw him and turned he (and I) around (by my waist) and the ex saw. Then, the ex gives me this big huge hello, and I'm thinking....N/C....remember?? So I just frown, say "hey" and look away. Apparently this pissed him off beyond belief (don't know why though) and I haven't heard a word since then....
alphamale Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 He even asked my daughter out in the parking lot, while I was inside, if I had found a new BF yet. Wha?! She told me as we were driving off. She said, "I don't know." Man this guy sounds like a total doofus. He does not have the "scrotal contents" to ask you himself? He has to ask a little girl? WT*!!!
Author luvtoto Posted July 11, 2006 Author Posted July 11, 2006 Man this guy sounds like a total doofus. He does not have the "scrotal contents" to ask you himself? He has to ask a little girl? WT*!!! Tell me about it. I was like, "he said what?!" She is 14...but...yeah.
toonicegirl Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 last time i've seen my ex 3 months ago... i drove him to work in th morning and he send me a kiss before he went inside... then we stopped talking (old issues came back)... two weeks later we had a closure phone talk... no screaming, no crying, just a talk that we grew apart... then i did nc and he broke it after two months, and still doing it like every week... anyway....i didnt see him since the day he send me a kiss.... and as days are going by i'm more afraid of meeting him somewhere... my sister already bump into him twice...and it scares me when i think of seeing him...sometimes i wish i'd see him long time ago, after break up, so right now it wouldnt be apealing so scary... i think sometimes it's easier to move on when you have chance to see him and remind yourself what a jerk he is, then not seeing him at all
Author luvtoto Posted July 11, 2006 Author Posted July 11, 2006 i think sometimes it's easier to move on when you have chance to see him and remind yourself what a jerk he is, then not seeing him at all I understand, toonicegirl. But, ya know, my guy wasn't a jerk. He chose his kids over me. I respect him for that. But, at the same time, I need to move the heck on. Seeing him only reminds me how much I still care. Obviously, it is doing the same for him, too. But, like Alpha said, "blood is thicker than water."
toonicegirl Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 you must be really strong person... it must be hard give up knowing that he still cares...maybe one day you'll get back together with him...you know kids are growing
Walk Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 One ex I did NC on... He couldn't respect my wishes for no contact. Always called, always showed up where ever I went. I stopped going out completely just so I wouldn't run into him. Every date I went on with my current bf, I had my ex as a shadow for the first 2 months. To the point that we refered to him as shadow boy. Last time I talked to shadow boy I was the b*tch from hell. It helped that I realized he wasn't the great nice guy he fronted to be. I hate games and I hate feeling like I'm not free to go where I want when I want... I left nothing unclear as to the repercussions for speaking to me, or seeing me again. He hasn't said a word to me since then.. it's been nearly two years now. Other ex, we parted on okay terms. He initiated the break up. I made sure I changed my phone number and I moved to a different address. (same city) Very occasionally I'll run into him, but I made sure that any time I saw him that I restated that I didn't want to talk or see him. No being nice by omission. It wasn't helping me get over him, and every time I saw him it sent me for a tail spin. So I put up a tough exterior and shut him out before he had a chance to even talk. (assuming he approached me) Just a simple "please go away, I don't want to talk to you." Three times doing that, and he never attempted to talk to me again. Now we make eye contact and nod. hahahah Then again... I strongly believe that once it's over, it's over. I look forward, not back.
Author luvtoto Posted July 11, 2006 Author Posted July 11, 2006 you must be really strong person... it must be hard give up knowing that he still cares...maybe one day you'll get back together with him...you know kids are growing That thought crosses my mind every single day, every single year as his kids grow. I think to myself, hmmm...his daughter already graduated, and his son is 17. Hmmm... He even said to me once that he wished I was the mother of his kids. There's got to be more to this than just his kids standing in our way. If I think it's just his kids keeping us apart, I find myself keeping my life on hold for him. I did that for three years so far...aint' gonna do that anymore.
Author luvtoto Posted July 11, 2006 Author Posted July 11, 2006 One ex I did NC on... He couldn't respect my wishes for no contact. Always called, always showed up where ever I went. I stopped going out completely just so I wouldn't run into him. Every date I went on with my current bf, I had my ex as a shadow for the first 2 months. To the point that we refered to him as shadow boy. Last time I talked to shadow boy I was the b*tch from hell. It helped that I realized he wasn't the great nice guy he fronted to be. I hate games and I hate feeling like I'm not free to go where I want when I want... I left nothing unclear as to the repercussions for speaking to me, or seeing me again. He hasn't said a word to me since then.. it's been nearly two years now. Other ex, we parted on okay terms. He initiated the break up. I made sure I changed my phone number and I moved to a different address. (same city) Very occasionally I'll run into him, but I made sure that any time I saw him that I restated that I didn't want to talk or see him. No being nice by omission. It wasn't helping me get over him, and every time I saw him it sent me for a tail spin. So I put up a tough exterior and shut him out before he had a chance to even talk. (assuming he approached me) Just a simple "please go away, I don't want to talk to you." Three times doing that, and he never attempted to talk to me again. Now we make eye contact and nod. hahahah Then again... I strongly believe that once it's over, it's over. I look forward, not back. I guess, that's how I should handle him, huh. No matter how much the man has crushed me, I have always stayed nice to him. I mean, who can be mad at a man that puts his children first above anybody else? Thanks for sharing, Walk.
jerbear Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 When I encounter an ex, I usually acknowledge them if some eye contact is made. I do not initiate conversation and just keep it cordial and civil. The most I have ever said to an ex was, "good day" "have a good day" and that is about it. No "how are you" or "what's up" from my end. If it came from her it would be "I'm ok"
riobikini Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 re: Jerbear: " When I encounter an ex, I usually acknowledge them if some eye contact is made. I do not initiate conversation and just keep it cordial and civil. " Absolutely *golden* advice from Jerbear! He pointed out that he acknowledges the ex *only* if eye contact is made. = Excellent Strategy! He *does not* intiate conversation. = An 'in-your-best-interest' plan. He keeps any response *cordial* and the unexpected contact *civil* . = Perfect! The only thing I might add is, -*smoothly* and *swiftly* nip the contact asap. Great job, Jerbear! (Smile) -Rio
Pyro Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 Don't ya hate it when you run into your 'X' by chance, while you are struggling with strict NC. Then, on top of that, in that short five minutes of being cordial with him at the gas station, he proceeds to flirt, mess with your head, use every trick he has in the book, and say just the right things to you. Just doesn't seem fair. How does one protect themselves from situations like this? Sounds to me like someone misses Luvtoto. I can't blame him though. Take it as a compliment and nothing more. Go about your business, pay for your gas and be on your way. He will get the hint that you are not interested.
Walk Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 I guess, that's how I should handle him, huh. No matter how much the man has crushed me, I have always stayed nice to him. I mean, who can be mad at a man that puts his children first above anybody else? Thanks for sharing, Walk. I felt I had to give a clear signal that would keep them from approaching me anymore. I mean, it was really tearing me up inside. The more interactions I had with them, the worse I felt... I'm one of those people that has a really hard time being mean to someone, even if they deserve it. I didnt' like doing it, and I don't hate either of them. But I had to protect myself, and nothing else was working.
Author luvtoto Posted July 11, 2006 Author Posted July 11, 2006 I'm one of those people that has a really hard time being mean to someone, even if they deserve it. I didnt' like doing it, and I don't hate either of them. But I had to protect myself, and nothing else was working. I am the exact same way....except about the protecting myself part. I mean, he comes up with my back to him, and tickles me. Then, when I turn around he's got this huge freakin' smile on his face, like he's missed the heck out of me. Should I have said, "Leave me alone you jerk." No, I was nice. He couldn't believe how big my kids were getting. I couldn't believe how tall his son was. Showed me he cared. Then, I told him we were going swimming, and had to get going. He seemed surprised/dissappointed that I didn't want to talk more. Then, in the car...found out the thing he asked my daughter. Whenever I see him, it makes me realize that he still cares. Then, my mind starts realing. And, it's like I have to start the whole getting-over-him process over again. Next time I see him and he has that big smile on his face again, should I really just be confrontational and tell him to back off?
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