Being screwed over

[Lollie72]

Hi,

 

I married a person with a prestigious career, and supported him while he made his way up. I moved all around the country for his career keeping house like a little good wifie. Now he's at the top, with a green card via me for this country, and has walked away from our marriage, I'm of no use. The marriage was aweful. I'm glad to be getting out. But I'm getting a whole $200 per month in support. I'm about to go to a non-profit law group with this sob story, and I'm pissed. And very depressed at just how screwed over I've been. I'm going to be officially living on a friend's couch as of the 1st, and I'm house sitting for not pay now. Coping, we'll how does one cope with this type of being screwed over? The circumstances suck so much, it's hard to keep my head up and not rip him a new @ss H..... It's like I've just go the justice system to back me and friends-and if I don't win alimony at all, I'll be in the roughest time of my life and it will go on and on until make my way financially, and my credit's ruined because of him too. I should have walked or annuled the marriage after the first week, I'm so regretting staying and trying to work it out....so regretting so much of my decisions over the past 4.5 years of my life.

 

Laura

[riobikini]

Lollie, -really, I can't imagine that his career was all that fabulous if he needed a green card, in the first place, to get to stay in this country, -not that it winds up earning you anything, even if it turns out he did well.

 

Stick with the advice of your lawyer. (I've caught a few of your previous posts and remember your story).

 

Furthermore, you remind me of some of the women I have assisted during their bleak times: you're angry, hurt, broke, -and simply don't know where to turn.

 

I can't blame you for feeling "screwed over", -it sounds like you probably were. (Smile) But there's a brighter day for you, Lollie, if you can just manage to steer clear of more trouble until this all passes, (I'm talking about your Mr. Wonderful whom you were panting after just a few weeks ago at the beginning of your divorce).

 

I can understand the frustration you make obvious in your post, as well. For whatever it's worth, you aren't the first woman to have followed her husband all over the country while he made his mark and built up his wealth, and then turned into a selfish little Napoleonic pain in the a*s.

 

With some men, their personalities seem to pre-destine them to do this, -and you can't always tell if yours is the one. You've lerned a valuable lesson: don't give away anything you aren't prepared to never see again. I'm talking about the years lost that you can never regain and during which you could have built *your own* career.

 

But it's never too late to begin -all over again- for yourself.

 

Take this life experience, Lollie, and turn it into something that benefits you, -not something that embitters you and keeps you with your back turned on all the possibilities of your future, wasting more time looking back on a scene that's only going to upset you, and slow you down.

 

Sometimes, it's all in the way you look at things. I would like to help you realize that, with some battles, we just have to take what comes; with others, we can choose to fight in them, -or not.

 

Lollie, some of your present battles may be the result of a more naive 'Lollie' of an earlier time, and you will just have to fight in them, -but in your future battles, you can learn to use your (growing) experience to help you *choose* better fights, that help you accomplish greater goals to serve you.

 

While your circumstances may cause you to feel certain injury to your pride, and things may appear pretty dark right now, let your pent-up, abanonded dreams and wishes to become self-reliant and financially independent emerge to the surface and begin crystallizing into reality.

 

Keep it at a steady pace, and don't take your eyes off your goal.

 

By the time the divorce is halfway through, you should have a good idea of what kind of career you will be pursuing to feed yourself and build back your life, -without relying on anyone else's income, or sleeping on anyone else's couch.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Take care.

 

-Rio

[stronger_daily]

I can't really say anything better than riobikini did. Take care of yourself now and definitely listen to the lawyer. You did a lot for this man and you deserve some compensation.

[Diver012]

Im sorry for what you have gone through. You will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight. I wish you the very best.