Garry Klortho Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 Hello all! I have been lurking around here for a while and it has been immensely helpful. I thought today would be a good time for me to ask for advice My girlfriend and I of 6.5 years broke up about two months ago. While it was happening the breakup was mutual. Afterwards however, I definitely felt like the loser of the breakup and would not have wanted it to have happened at all. For the first month I initiated contact with her about once a week through e-mail and the telephone. Our last contact was about four to five weeks ago. She responded to an e-mail of mine saying that she misses talking to me but can’t right now and that she will contact me when it would be a convenient time for me to pick up my things at her place Well, it’s been five weeks and I still struggle not to think about her. Today, out of the blue, she e-mailed me. She said that she was having trouble studying because she was concerned if I hate her or not. She also stated that she would like to be friends and that she still cares about me and wonders how I am doing. She ended the e-mail saying that she will call me after she takes her board exams for medical school, which is in about three weeks, so we can arrange when I can pick up my things My question is: What do you guys make of her e-mail? I am hesitant to reply and don’t even know if I want my things back despite their value to me. Part of me continues the process of moving on and the other part wants to keep the communication open so I don’t completely shut her out. She is such a wonderful, nice, caring, and beautiful person. I feel that our relationship ended only because we are both under a lot of pressure to do well in school and we never got to spend a lot of time together in the last few months before the breakup Anyways, thanks for any comments, advice, etc.
gfto Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 the breakup was mutual. Afterwards however, I definitely felt like the loser of the breakup and would not have wanted it to have happened at all. She dumped you. There's no such thing as a mutual break-up. And, she dumped you because she lost interest in you. Well, it’s been five weeks My question is: What do you guys make of her e-mail? She's just curious as to why you stopped groveling...er, I mean, contacting her...five weeks ago. It tweaked her ego, and she's curious as to whether you found a new girlfriend. I am hesitant to reply and don’t even know if I want my things back despite their value to me. Good. Delete the e-mail and forget about her.
rkman Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 Good. Delete the e-mail and forget about her. Sound advice.
Author Garry Klortho Posted July 12, 2006 Author Posted July 12, 2006 Thanks for the advice guys, but I have to admit that it is hard not to want to e-mail her back. I really want to ask her why she even cares what I think about her. One thing that is certain is that if I am going to send a response I am going to wait at least a week or two before I do. As each day goes by I feel less inclined to e-mail her back, so I guess patience is important when suffering through a break up. Any other comments are appreciated. Garry
MacGyver Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 Good advice from those that posted. Don't reply, and try very hard to move on. Don't let it get the better of you. Yes patience is very important, but your only human and your patience will eventually run out. When it does, just try to be stronge and hold you ground.
gfto Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 I have to admit that it is hard not to want to e-mail her back. It certainly is. The key is to remember that she is no longer interested in you. (Or, perhaps it is more accurate to say that she has low interest level in you....too low to ever want to be in a relationship with you again.) Take out a piece of paper and write 100 times, "she is no longer interested in me." Think of your relationship with her as a completely drained battery. You can't recharge it. Just get a new one. I really want to ask her why she even cares what I think about her. Quite frankly, she doesn't care what you think about her. She might be curious, but she doesn't "care." Put the shoe on the other foot. Certainly, at some time in your life, you dated a girl although you weren't really that into her, and you eventually told her you didn't want to date her anymore. Now, if she just disappears, you're going to be curious as to why, but the fact remains that you're just not that into her and you don't want to date her. One thing that is certain is that if I am going to send a response I am going to wait at least a week or two before I do. I would really encourage you to just delete the e-mail and let it go. But, if you must write back in a week or two, tell her that you meant to write back sooner, but you've had three dates with three different women in the past few weeks, and you got a little stressed out because a few of them were fighting over you.
Nedved28 Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 Its good advice from all the people that posted!!! Its a tough one man!! part of you wants to keep her in your life but part of you just wants to break free!! Thing you gotta remember also is that she's prob over the relationship!! a friendship even via email would be of more benefit to her than it is to you as she still has you in her life as a friend and is also free and single again!! This may suit her but it dose'nt suit you!! your still getting over her and you gotta do whats right for you now!! d'ont worry about what she'l think if you d'ont reply!! Thats for her to deal with!! let her think about you for a change. You'l feel terrible not replying and you'l think about the good times and will wanna reply but try to resist mailing back!! I
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