introvert/extrovert: can it work?

[mattea]

anyone who is really introverted in a relationship with a true extrovert? or the other way around? can it work?

 

my boyfriend has a huge network of friends and likes to stay in contact with them and socialize often. a lot of his friends know each other and have for a long time and hang out in groups. he's very laid back about socializing and i think has a "the more the merrier" attitude most of the time.

 

i'm an introvert. i have a lot of friends but am happy to see friends once or twice a week for a few hours. i MUCH prefer one-on-one time or to spend time in very small groups with my friends or boyfriend. i find it much easier to have meaningful conversations with people then when you are in a big party group. i don't like chit-chat that much! plus, i need alone to reflect often.

 

i have a hard time being really spontaneous about plans. i can be somewhat, but i don't like it when people just "show up" at my house. i also have a hard time when my boyfriend and i had plans and then he invites other people along without discussing it with me first. sometimes i'm fine with it, but it sucks when i wanted it to just be us and then he runs into friends and asks them along.

 

all this is exacerbated by a couple things.

 

one: there are his friends and my friends. when we/i hang out with my friends i have history with them, we chose to hang out because we click in some way and enjoy each other's company, and i'm at ease. it's going to take me time to build my own relationships with his friends, many of whom have know him and each other for 10 or more years. this means socializing with his friends is a LOT more effort. i'm willing to make the effort because i love him and i want us to share our lives, but it's tough. i guess these issues are natural, but being an introvert it's even harder.

 

two: i work in a social setting, get a lot of interaction with coworkers and the public every day, and often want down time away from socializing and making converstation at the end of my day.

he, on the other hand works from home and gets very little social interaction, so really wants to get out of the house and see people at the end of the day.

 

i think we really do a good job of trying to compromise, but it's tough. any thoughts or suggestions?

[JCD]

I'm like you and the last thing I would want my gf to do is to socialize after I come home from work and want alone time with her. Tell him to cut down on socializing. Besides, it's kind of weird that he would seek others to make him happy instead of investing time into you, imo.

[Outcast]

It's not fair of one person to ask another person to bend to her wishes. Introverts and extroverts can do fine together, but they must be understanding of each other's needs and negotiate a compromise that satisfies (and I mean 'satisfies' - not that people agree to reluctantly) each other.

 

If you can't or won't tolerate his ways and can't find a happy medium and if he can't or won't tolerate his and won't negotiate something that works for you both, then no it won't work.

[funkify]

I'm an introvert and I've mostly been out with extroverts! I find that we balance each other out and they help me keep the conversation going when I can't. They encourage me out of my shell because they are so upbeat.

[BareGoddess]

That's a tough one. I could never be with an extrovert. I can't imagine what arrangement would satisfy me. I'd always feel "put out" if I had to socialize against my will and have people in my house.

 

He might be a great boyfriend but I'd caution you against marriage. You really can't change a person's basic nature and one of you will always feel slighted in some way I think.

[alphamale]

i think we really do a good job of trying to compromise, but it's tough.

compromise is never easy my little young MATTEA...hopefully you will both learn from each other's personalities and grow together in peace and harmony...