panthera_leo Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 Hey guys, im back...again. I haven't been on this site for a while apart from dropping in a few responses. WELL, i was doing perfectly fine... UNTIL I got a letter from my ex today. Now, as far as I was concerned it was OVER. I was moving on, NC was going great etc. We have been apart for nearly 5 months and i was just beginning to feel happy again. He wanted to remain friends, whereas I didn't. I told him to leave me alone, that was 4 months ago. His letter went along these lines "I'd like to say im so very sorry for all the pain I put you through. You made me so happy in the 2 years we were together. I have to stop myself looking at your myspace because I cant keep seeing what i've thrown away. When you think about it, the reasons behind our breakup were stupid. Its only now that i realise there was nothing wrong with "us". If i had only spoken to you about how depressed I was we could have worked it out... well i guess whats done is done and I can only learn from my mistakes." He said lots of other stuff about how he felt when we break up and all other crap. He wants a response. I've thought about throwing it in the bin and forgetting it. I have no idea how to interpret this. I still miss him and I would consider reconciliation if I knew he had changed his ways. I guess im just confused with what he's saying. Is he just trying to stop me from moving on? I know some ppl out there have had a similar experience... so any thoughts? Thanx in advance
KittenMoon Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 Yea I'm on this stage currently. My ex's last letter stated "he missed so many things but didn't want to get back together for many reasons as well" and that "he didn't think either of us had changed enough yet". But then went on to say "He still might want us to be together" and that he was working on specific things I had pointed out as his weaknesses, and that "the world seemed to be spinning out of control as his emotions come slowly to him". He even asked "if my life was happier w/o him". Uh. NO! Can't say I have much advice. I responded saying I was working on myself to make myself happy, regardless (he pointed out my negativity as being a fault of mine). And that I missed a lot of stuff too. It was friendly, heartful, but ambiguous and didn't ask for anything or tell him to do anything. I don't know how this will play out, but I woudl suggest not pushing anything right now.
Buttaflyy Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 From what you wrote here it seems like he wants to reconcile and he's leaving it up to you. You said that you might be willing had he changed. What would you need from him to know that he had changed for the better? What was the basis of the breakup?
Author panthera_leo Posted July 10, 2006 Author Posted July 10, 2006 Thanx you guys. Kitten Moon it does seem like your situation is the same as mine. He didn't say anythin about wanting to get back together, but he seemed to put all the blame on himself for the breakup. I hope things work out alright for you. I know the hardest part is trying to figure out what theyre trying to say. I think you're doing the best thing by responding in that manner... i think thats what i will do. Buttafly - the reason behind the breakup was because he wanted time alone to "find himself". We only saw eachother on weekends and towards the end instead of wanting to spend time with me, he'd want to see his friends and he took me for granted. We'd argue about it all the time. It felt like his heart wasn't in it anymore. I can honestly admit, i was wrong also, i put too much pressure on him coming to see me, when i should have given him more freedom. I see that. I think for any chance of reconiliation there needs to be a happy medium..give and take from both sides. Im not gonna jump the gun and respond straight away... im still very confused :/
KittenMoon Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 My thoughts have been that is since he did the breaking, he can do the mending, the first step at least. Especially since one thing I'd like him to change is to hear him say more "I wants" to me. I want to get back together, I want to go to away this weekend, I want a bj everyday- whatever! Just drop the ambivalence about us! However, I haven't heard a peep in 3?ish weeks now. Like I said, I'm giving space and time, trying to fix my own crap, etc. Maybe I'll meet Prince Charming while my ex is doing whatever he's doing. Or maybe I'll just get over him. Who the hell knows. Pantera- patience is a virtue. Having the patience to see how your ex acts in the future in this situation might also give you some more insight into his person, and help you (and me) know if this is what you really want.
Author panthera_leo Posted July 13, 2006 Author Posted July 13, 2006 Yes i agree with you KM. Patience is a virtue! I just keep telling myself everything will work out eventually. I hope you're doing ok. How long have you and your ex been broken up? I think im reading into his letter too much. Im beginning to think he's doing it to get some guilt off his chest... and to seek my forgiveness. Im still confused! Grr why cant things be simple!? Any guys out there who can give a little insight into whats inside his stupid head?
KittenMoon Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 Pantera- My ex and I have been apart 5 months with some sporadic contact. We were together 6.5 yrs.
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