Are you serious

[fabulousgal]

so i threw a party this weeekend, it was awesome. i didn't invite me ex, bc 1)why should i , and 2) i had new boys of interest there.

 

well, a funny thing happened. we all went out and came back to my house, and more people came....and guess who walked in! he was shocked as he did not know it was my place (i moved) and i was shocked. i pretty much blew him off after he came over and said he'd leave. he did a few minutes later.

 

i felt bad the next day, why? i do't owe him anything, he dosen't (and will never) understand the poorness of his actions in our old relationship, and he hasn't been the nicest since. i think it was more like, a person in my house i should be gracious to. so i sent him a txt saying he was welcome in my home but he caught me off guard. he didn't reply, which is fine w me, bc i hardly ever reply to his txts or calls.

 

so today i feel angry, i am not at day 1 for certain, but more like a, look at how bad you acted towards me you ****. he doesn't get the fact that he hurt w someone's feelings, and its not right. i heard he was complaining that night that i won't even say hello, my friend said give her time, he says, its been 4 mos. what a jerk, i mean really, how was i supposed to know to keep my feelings guarded bc he has family obligations in who his partner is. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. i just think he is emotionally immature for not realizing that other people have feelings.

he told me when we broke up, i know what i did is selfish, but we had so much fun i don't regret it. what a wanker. i'll never get valuation from him, and never get answers, so its best to m ove forward.

 

move on move on move on is my motto. i can't waste anymore of my time on this i swear.

[bendit]

You still have a lot of "emotional" unfinished business with this guy. And it sounds like your lives are going to continue to intersect because you have common friends and you really aren't committed to a 100% NC strategy. My hunch is you are going to be met with continued heartache and frustration as you seek some kind of closure with this guy, at the same time continuing to be subject to "minor" contact. Death by a thousand cuts.

 

The kind of contact you will continue to have is SO unsatisfying. Here's why. Your lives "touch" in various ways, but you only get a momentary fix of HIM at any one time. You still wish you guys were together but you can't HAVE him now. Each contact is a reminder of that and how he ended something you really wanted. More contact will reinforce in your mind what you still want, what you loved, and what you can't have.

 

I realize my comments probably won't be welcome on this thread, as you don't agree with my total NC strategy to healing your life and your hurt. But do keep in mind that you are posting on an Open Internet forum, and MANY people could stumble upon your story. I believe it will help these people to have a range of opinions, varied advice, and multiple strategies for healing to consider and mull over. You have your way, which will guarantee you a glacial progression through the fire. And then there is NC. Folks need to know there is more than one way through. No Contact = No New Hurts. Good luck.

 

regards

[KittenMoon]

You obviously know you wasted time on this guy, so if you cross paths on rare occasion, will it really be so bad? Unfortunately, exes can't be conviniently jettisoned into space. :lmao:

 

At those rare moments you see him, try to think of it as nothing more than that- paths crossing momentarily. If you fear running into him, it'll be worse when you do.

 

Remember what it was like in high school- when you broke up w/ someone but still had to see them in the hallways/classes? NCs worthless there, and yet most teenagers weather it fairly well. Why? Because you simply couldn't avoid the person! So it became no big deal eventually, even if it twinged a bit. Pretend the world is your high school- and you might run into this guy in the hallway between english and gym once in a while.

[In Sync]

so i threw a party this weeekend, it was awesome. i didn't invite me ex, bc 1)why should i , and 2) i had new boys of interest there.

 

well, a funny thing happened. we all went out and came back to my house, and more people came....and guess who walked in! he was shocked as he did not know it was my place (i moved) and i was shocked. i pretty much blew him off after he came over and said he'd leave. he did a few minutes later.

 

i felt bad the next day, why? i do't owe him anything, he dosen't (and will never) understand the poorness of his actions in our old relationship, and he hasn't been the nicest since. i think it was more like, a person in my house i should be gracious to. so i sent him a txt saying he was welcome in my home but he caught me off guard. he didn't reply, which is fine w me, bc i hardly ever reply to his txts or calls.

 

so today i feel angry, i am not at day 1 for certain, but more like a, look at how bad you acted towards me you ****. he doesn't get the fact that he hurt w someone's feelings, and its not right. i heard he was complaining that night that i won't even say hello, my friend said give her time, he says, its been 4 mos. what a jerk, i mean really, how was i supposed to know to keep my feelings guarded bc he has family obligations in who his partner is. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. i just think he is emotionally immature for not realizing that other people have feelings.

he told me when we broke up, i know what i did is selfish, but we had so much fun i don't regret it. what a wanker. i'll never get valuation from him, and never get answers, so its best to m ove forward.

 

move on move on move on is my motto. i can't waste anymore of my time on this i swear.

 

It's no wonder why you would feel angry following that encounter with the ex.

I just don't get why you felt the need to text him to say to him he was welcome in your home? Your home is a place wher you should feel safe and secure and in your home you would welcome this guy and his bad energy into it?

Uh, you say move on is your motto, but as long as you travel in the same circles and are bound to bump into each other you won't. Even from this post instead of giving up details about the new boys of interest you are venting about past comments the ex has stated about you FROM THE PAST...why should you give a rat's twat what his opinions of you were???!! I think and I may be off base here, though you didn't out right send the guy an invitation and in this great big world he somehow did manage to come to your party, ok things like that do happen...I think you were anticpiating he would give you an apology and because he didn't, you got bummed out. Regardless of the fact that you blew him off YOU were in a state of anticpating validation from him. Still. As long as you are reacting to how he treats you...it is like square 1.

Ditch this guy. Tell your friends look if I'm having a party don't mention to him. And if they invite you to hang out knowing he may show up, let your friends tell you in advance...because you can take steps in how much your circles entwine.

[fabulousgal]

And it sounds like your lives are going to continue to intersect because you have common friends and you really aren't committed to a 100% NC strategy. regards

 

 

Um, ya I am. I barely speak to this kid when we see one another. After we split, I have done well at not returning calls, txts etc. I just did feel bad bc he was a guest in my house (invited or not), and there were about 15 ppl there that new him that saw him get blown off by me then leave. I just think I could have done better to treat him civilly, but its hard when its thrown in your face with no preparation of will I see him, esp at MY Party.

 

He didn't want NC, I've forced it outside of this txt, I don't think we've spoken in over a month. I am not sure why you say I am really not committed to it. And frankly no I don't seek any more closure from him at this point, I am not an idiot and once I got through the intial hurt (which lasted awhile) I know that no matter what he says or does, its never going to make me feel ok. I don't depend on him for me to get on. I have def. reached that point.

 

What the hell is this fix your talking about, I don't seek this contact, or running into him. What the hell is the point, we are done! Unfortunatley he's around, and so am I. I am enjoying my life, with some minor frustrations from still having to deal w him at times I'd rather not. But thats life (like hs like KM said) what am I gonna do.

 

My issues soley lie in I feel wronged point blank. I try to overlook it and be friendly, but I have my limits. I am not gonna lie, I am hurt at times, but why stay in a hurt wallowing state for someone who has no desire to help make things better. right? Once I get over feelings of anger, I think I'll be ok. I'm def on my way to better things.

 

I can't move to a new city, and either is he. but do trust bendit, since you seem to know how i am so well, i have no desire for these "fixes", and sorry if you can't employ NC when you run into the person every other weekend!

 

Geez, where are my LS buddies at.

[Diver012]

Um, ya I am. I barely speak to this kid when we see one another. After we split, I have done well at not returning calls, txts etc. I just did feel bad bc he was a guest in my house (invited or not), and there were about 15 ppl there that new him that saw him get blown off by me then leave. I just think I could have done better to treat him civilly, but its hard when its thrown in your face with no preparation of will I see him, esp at MY Party.

 

He didn't want NC, I've forced it outside of this txt, I don't think we've spoken in over a month. I am not sure why you say I am really not committed to it. And frankly no I don't seek any more closure from him at this point, I am not an idiot and once I got through the intial hurt (which lasted awhile) I know that no matter what he says or does, its never going to make me feel ok. I don't depend on him for me to get on. I have def. reached that point.

 

What the hell is this fix your talking about, I don't seek this contact, or running into him. What the hell is the point, we are done! Unfortunatley he's around, and so am I. I am enjoying my life, with some minor frustrations from still having to deal w him at times I'd rather not. But thats life (like hs like KM said) what am I gonna do.

 

My issues soley lie in I feel wronged point blank. I try to overlook it and be friendly, but I have my limits. I am not gonna lie, I am hurt at times, but why stay in a hurt wallowing state for someone who has no desire to help make things better. right? Once I get over feelings of anger, I think I'll be ok. I'm def on my way to better things.

 

I can't move to a new city, and either is he. but do trust bendit, since you seem to know how i am so well, i have no desire for these "fixes", and sorry if you can't employ NC when you run into the person every other weekend!

 

Geez, where are my LS buddies at.

 

Totally Agree. I, unfortunately work with my Ex. Now I dont have to see her every day, but theres always that risk. I have not spoken to her in months. I never got closure from her, I had to find it by myself. After I asked her twice for it, and got kicked in the nuts, Oh yeah Ill call you back... Never happened. That killed absolutely any desire at all, to speak, no less see her again. I need someone in my life with WAY better communication skills than that.

 

When I do see her, I look through her. I dont wave. I dont say Hi, Shes invisible as far as im concerned.

 

SO what do we do? Should I move to another city? I just built a new house. Should I look for another job? That thought has crossed my mind... but jobs arent so easy to come by.. that takes time.

 

Total NC is a great idea. Its not always possible. It hurts more when you have to remain in touch for what ever reason, but thats life and you deal with it. What if we had kids with these Ex's? Then we would really be screwed.... People deal with the hurt in the best way they can, and move on. Each situation is different and requires a little modification of the NC Rule.

[fabulousgal]

"I think and I may be off base here, though you didn't out right send the guy an invitation and in this great big world he somehow did manage to come to your party, ok things like that do happen...I think you were anticpiating he would give you an apology and because he didn't, you got bummed out. Regardless of the fact that you blew him off YOU were in a state of anticpating validation from him."

 

 

 

Ya you are completely off base. OMG, I give up. Why do you ppl think I was seeking anything from this guy? I didn't even speak to him when he showed up at my house!!!!!!!!!!

 

And In sync, not to be a b* but I have read your old posts, and ya you went through the roller coaster too. So if things happen that get reactions out of me, don't hate bc you went through it too. I am doing much better than I was a month ago. I hate how you guys make people feel like they are still stuck in lala land. But do I have feelings? Of course. Are they fading? Def.

 

I am telling you, I am done I don't need him for anykind of closure. I don't seek it. I mean, no sense in waiting around for something that prob won't ever happen right????

 

I don't need him for validation. If you want me to write this 1000 times till I'm blue in the face, I will. So quit accusing me of seeking anything. I'm done with that. This is about me.

 

And as far as the text goes, I am a person that treats everyone w respect, esp if they are my home. I felt bad about that point and that point only.

 

I'm about to retire I swear.

[KittenMoon]

Fab girl- you're doin ok. He showed up, it was an accident, it got awkward, etc. I understand about the text, though there really was no point in sending it. The hostess in you was wrestling with the spurned woman.

 

What's happened is over- after this the chances of it happeneing again will be rarer I am sure. You're not seeking this guy out, just keep that up.

[fabulousgal]

Thanks Diver and KM!

 

Bendit and I S no hard feelings, I just hate like I said, being told I am searching for something when I am really over that part of this journey.

 

Regards

[stronger_daily]

It sounds like you handled things pretty well. I think people thought you were looking for something more because you said he was welcome in your home. I get why you did it, though, and I don't think it points to you not being over it.

 

Your post seemed to me more like a vent and just a way to get something off your chest. If it were a post asking advice then that might be another reason people thought you were seeking some sort of closure. Simple misunderstanding and it happens so often online.

 

You probably shouldn't have gotten so defensive about it, though. That just kind of feeds into the idea of 'oh, she's not admitting things to herself'. LOL. Silly, but it can be read that way. I doubt it would have come across like that in person.

 

Anyway, don't fret and don't give up and go nuts or anything. I don't think any harm was meant by the others. Just remember that they were trying to help and be grateful instead of upset. They were mistaken in what you wanted from them, but at least they replied.

[fabulousgal]

Thanks stronger,

 

and ya your right i was venting, and i didnt mean to fly off on anyone

 

sorry!

 

FG

[stronger_daily]

Thanks stronger,

 

and ya your right i was venting, and i didnt mean to fly off on anyone

 

sorry!

 

FG

 

 

LOL! I'm 7 months pregnant! If anyone understands just going off and venting it would be me. No apologies. I just didn't want you to think that people weren't listening to you.

[bendit]

Fab dahling, somehow I expected this immature reaction from you. Notice how I qualified my initial post by saying it may have value to folks BEYOND YOUR THREAD. I was hoping you would pick up on that.

 

Now, you sent him a TEXT that said he is welcome in your home. And then you have the audacity to claim you are NC. That just takes the cake.

 

I will say it again. You aren't committed to NC. Why you would claim otherwise is a question for you to ponder. If you were committed to NC, you certainly would not be texting him after he left your party telling him you were "sorry" and that he is welcome in your home. Please don't say you are committed to NC when you are not.

 

It may be time to realize you are not being honest about your true motivations. I believe your anger and frustration come from you not getting

a positive (or any) response from X that could further your goals of opening up communication.

 

Your text makes it very clear that you are open to further communication with X and possibly more. That's your decision to make but please be honest with yourself. Please don't pretend you are NC when in fact you are welcoming X into your home.

 

The righteous indignation and defensiveness in your response to me certainly isn't appreciated. So please go easy on the folks (who you disagree with) who are simply here trying to give you honest feedback.

 

Now its all well and good that you are in contact with X. That's your decision. But when someone has the courtesy to point out that your CONTACT may well be the reason you are hurting and angry, don't come back and insult them by claiming you are in NC.

 

 

regards

[In Sync]

"I think and I may be off base here, though you didn't out right send the guy an invitation and in this great big world he somehow did manage to come to your party, ok things like that do happen...I think you were anticpiating he would give you an apology and because he didn't, you got bummed out. Regardless of the fact that you blew him off YOU were in a state of anticpating validation from him."

 

 

 

Ya you are completely off base. OMG, I give up. Why do you ppl think I was seeking anything from this guy? I didn't even speak to him when he showed up at my house!!!!!!!!!!

 

And In sync, not to be a b* but I have read your old posts, and ya you went through the roller coaster too. So if things happen that get reactions out of me, don't hate bc you went through it too. I am doing much better than I was a month ago. I hate how you guys make people feel like they are still stuck in lala land. But do I have feelings? Of course. Are they fading? Def.

 

I am telling you, I am done I don't need him for anykind of closure. I don't seek it. I mean, no sense in waiting around for something that prob won't ever happen right????

 

I don't need him for validation. If you want me to write this 1000 times till I'm blue in the face, I will. So quit accusing me of seeking anything. I'm done with that. This is about me.

 

And as far as the text goes, I am a person that treats everyone w respect, esp if they are my home. I felt bad about that point and that point only.

 

I'm about to retire I swear.

 

 

Hey don't get pissed off with me...just becuz I read your post and directed my comments based on what you've written.

As for my past I have no problem if you quote me from my previous post and point out that if I had contact with my ex that I would be upset...in fact waaaaay back when I did exactly that it was pointed out to me and I understood that my reactions were a direct corollation. So calling me on "my roller coaster" or any of my crap is ok by me, because well it just is.

 

If I misread your post about the party and your ex you are cool with what went down "My Bad"...I just called it as I saw it or read it. You said you felt angry and though some people can say you did well..I directed my points to your comments within your post! Sorry for expressing my thoughts here on your thread. peace.

[Diver012]

Lets back the truck up.... Not everyone is going to react in the way we would, or think they should. Everyones entitled to their opinions here. Personally, If I turned around and saw my Ex standing in my house, I honestly cant say how I would react. I doubt I would have been so gracious. But thats just me. I would have probably walked up to her and told her to get the hell out. Then I would have felt twice as guilty. Its not like the dude showed up on purpose... come on...

 

FG may have a different set of values than you do or I do. Maybe she was honestly trying to be a honerable host. Its not like he crashed her pad on purpose. Its not like she was driving by his house, or crashing a party she knew he would be at. It was an awkward moment. They BOTH reacted to it. Its over... I think were making things worse here. Shes trying to let it go... and from her words, I honestly believe that.

 

I say you handled it like an adult. Just my opinion.

[fabulousgal]

Well I've always found Bendit slightly arrogant, ok no sugar coating, plain arrogant. You somehow expected an immature reaction out of me? Then don't post on my threads- dahling.

 

Anyway, do trust I am very mature, I had the balls to get up and go when someone was trying to have there cake and eat it too-

 

Ya I did send a text, when you have someone that basically got dissed in front of like 15 mutual friends, I felt bad. I did felt bad, in my culture, you treat houseguests like family. Not that I want the guy coming over or anything, but CHANCE had it he ended up there, so I did feel bad I couldn't bite the bullet for an hour and let him drink beers and smoke cigarettes with others. He basically got chumped, and it really didn't need to get that serious. We've sat at the same dinner table for 2 hours and not uttered a word, its life, our friends aren't choosing so thats how it is.

 

I don't understand how you can get all high and whatever about this NC. Do I call him NO. Do I email NO. Do I go out of my way to talk to him NO.

But I do feel bad that we couldn't make the best out of the situation and everyone saw it. I am not that immature -"omg you better not set foot in my house" - so I felt bad he had to leave that way. That's all.

 

I wasn't seeking redemption, I am not hanging on to a string. He's got his s*** and I got mine. We do have to coexist in close proximity though, and thats that.

 

Please don't judge my maturity level. In fact, I think sending that WAS the mature thing to do, given how rude I was to someone that did step into my home where I was entertaining people. Granted, he may have riled up more anger and frustration in me than anyone in a long time, but he was an important mark in my life. Things didn't work out, it happens.

 

Oh and by the way, I've already apologized to everyone I ranted on, so calm down and maybe listen to someone thats telling you how others feel about your advice at times. Nothing personal gentlemen and ladies. I know everyone is entitled to their opinon, but when you start saying how I need a fix of someone that I don't, and start sentences with, "I may be

off base...." guess what there is a good chance you maybe. No offense taken on my side though, I guess thats pretty mature huh?

[In Sync]

Well I've always found Bendit slightly arrogant, ok no sugar coating, plain arrogant. You somehow expected an immature reaction out of me? Then don't post on my threads- dahling.

 

Anyway, do trust I am very mature, I had the balls to get up and go when someone was trying to have there cake and eat it too-

 

Ya I did send a text, when you have someone that basically got dissed in front of like 15 mutual friends, I felt bad. I did felt bad, in my culture, you treat houseguests like family. Not that I want the guy coming over or anything, but CHANCE had it he ended up there, so I did feel bad I couldn't bite the bullet for an hour and let him drink beers and smoke cigarettes with others. He basically got chumped, and it really didn't need to get that serious. We've sat at the same dinner table for 2 hours and not uttered a word, its life, our friends aren't choosing so thats how it is.

 

I don't understand how you can get all high and whatever about this NC. Do I call him NO. Do I email NO. Do I go out of my way to talk to him NO.

But I do feel bad that we couldn't make the best out of the situation and everyone saw it. I am not that immature -"omg you better not set foot in my house" - so I felt bad he had to leave that way. That's all.

 

I wasn't seeking redemption, I am not hanging on to a string. He's got his s*** and I got mine. We do have to coexist in close proximity though, and thats that.

 

Please don't judge my maturity level. In fact, I think sending that WAS the mature thing to do, given how rude I was to someone that did step into my home where I was entertaining people. Granted, he may have riled up more anger and frustration in me than anyone in a long time, but he was an important mark in my life. Things didn't work out, it happens.

 

Oh and by the way, I've already apologized to everyone I ranted on, so calm down and maybe listen to someone thats telling you how others feel about your advice at times. Nothing personal gentlemen and ladies. I know everyone is entitled to their opinon, but when you start saying how I need a fix of someone that I don't, and start sentences with, "I may be

off base...." guess what there is a good chance you maybe. No offense taken on my side though, I guess thats pretty mature huh?

 

Are you serious? This is a website open forum...no one here knows anybody..we all just submit our comments. Any of which you can disregard. People have different points of views none of which you have to adhere to.

Wow the world did not come to a standstill because I was "off base!" geeez louise...Lighten up!

[riobikini]

re:

 

FB: "I can't move to a new city, and either is he. but do trust bendit, since you seem to know how i am so well, i have no desire for these "fixes", and sorry if you can't employ NC when you run into the person every other weekend!

 

Geez, where are my LS buddies at."

 

 

Bendit may be more of a buddy than you realize, FB, in the sense that he is doing two very important things that I totally agree with: 1) he's communicating some very sound advice, using plain language anyone should appreciate, obviously based on some reliable experience and, 2) he's keeping in mind that others view these threads fresh off the trail of heartbreak, and apparently, wishes that no one to be confused nor misled by his information.

 

To me, that's a seriously commendable trait in regards to advice-giving, and one I have to salute with complete enthusiasm and respect.

 

I think Bendit pegged both the *real problem* and the *right solution* in his first post to you.

 

You can keep choosing the 'easier' advice -the kind with lots of loopholes that let your old patterns stay rooted- or you can take the kind of advice that challenges you to look yourself straight in the eye and admit where you need to change your *own* behavior enough to overcome those longstanding patterns of thinking, coping, and behaving.

 

Sometimes, the more difficult thing, is the *best* thing, -not because I, or Bendit say so- but because it compells you to see *you* for who *you* truly are and brings you to a place of reconciliation with *yourself*.

 

Meeting the requirements of doing the 'difficult thing' has the ability to spur amazing personal changes with you, once you've been challenged by the realization of where you really stand at this particular moment in your life -in these circumstances- which aren't likely to be inspired to reach for much greater change under the influence of gently-stroking, lesser powerful advice.

 

I'd say glean from experience what wisdom is there for the taking, -no matter how difficult it is to swallow.

 

And leave the old stuff behind.

 

All said in kindness,

-Rio

[fabulousgal]

"Wow the world did not come to a standstill because I was "off base!" geeez louise...Lighten up!"

 

Def tru, never said it did. no more arguing seriously, this post was originally intended to be a vent on the anger i have at my ex. my situation is a little different being i cant go NC bc guess what I can't put a pager on him to track where he'll be...thank god for that, that could gt ugly haha.

 

anyway, no more fighting, ppl can say what they want i was just trying to clarify i am not pining or anything like some ppl were trying to make it seem like i ENJOY this.

 

anyway, give peace a chance.

[fabulousgal]

N before anyone jumps on me, when I said I can't go NC, I meant in the never see them sense. I don't go out of my way to talk to this person either for over a month now, with the exception of this weird circumstance.... i mean really how many of you risk your ex WALKING INTO your brand new house at random! Your ex could be your next waiter or fedex guy, so watch out! hahaha.....

[bendit]

Gee Fab, I've encountered a lot of "copers" on LS, but never one so over-the-top defensive as you. This will be my last post to your threads because I can tell that you're simply a Venter. And when I figure out I am dealing with a Venter, I exit stage left.

 

You vent, and then wait for the cheerleaders to show up and tell you that they understand, that they "feel" for you, that they are going through it too. That things will get better. To just give it time. To pretend its high school again.

 

Its useless to repond to Venters because they really aren't interested in getting better. They just want to vent and pollute the thread for other readers who might actually desire to learn something from this entire sorry, sordid affair.

 

But before I bid farewell, I will leave you and the other readers with the following. I went back through your story. And frankly, I was stunned at just how much contact you have had with X. Stunned. And I thought it's no wonder this person is in a world of hurt, a house of pain of her own construction.

 

Now you can claim you were NC with X because it was he who contacted you but that's 100% unadulterated Balderdash. You simply don't understand what NC is all about. I counted numerous times that you were in contact with X. He texts you. He calls you. You went over to his place. You talked the next day. You've seen him at parties. You saw him the other day. You texted him the next day. And when he doesnt respond, you come on LS and Vent some more.

 

By my estimate, you broke up in mid-April. My guess is there has been contact in one form or another almost the entire time. That is just about three months. And because of that contact, your inability to let go of X, you are still here Venting about how awful you feel. And you were with this guy all of four months. 4 whole months.

 

I can tell you that if you really did practice NC for the three months you have been broken up, instead of just "pretending" to practice it, you would not be on LS venting and crying and telling the world what an awful break you got, what a bad hand you got. You would either be gone, healed, or here giving, instead of taking.

 

If you had practiced NC for the 3 mos that you've been broken up, you'd be 90% through this, and in no pain whatsoever. But you Are here in pain, frustrated, angry and hurt because you can't maintain NC with X.

 

The truth is it scares you to be NC with X. When X left your party, you thought he may not contact you again, that he might be upset with the "FAB" one. So you made sure he knew that you really werent angry with him and that he was welcome in your home. You left the door to contact Wide Open.

 

You have written post after post after post recounting the struggle you have had with NC, and the failure of your NC. You've posted over and over how you know you can't be friends with X, and you need to be NC, yet here you are in July, and you just saw him at a party, and you just sent him a text saying he is welcome in your home. Then you have the audacity to state that you are NC, even as you Insult those who took the time to try and help you.

 

As far as I am concerned you're a baby. A big immature baby who regularly alternates her moods between sadness, insecurity, depression and tears one day, to false bravado and over-the-top confidence the next. You regularly give advice you fail to take yourself, refusing to apply it to your own situation. Yet you are in total denial about the "cause" of it it all. When confronted with advice you don't want to hear, you lash out, and simply reiterate how "fabulous" you are, all the while feeling like a picked on spoiled "little girl".

 

I will make this as simple as I can; not for you, but for others who are here, not to vent, but to try to get better.

 

You hurt because you are in contact. Period. As long as you continue to stay in contact with X, wherever that contact originates from, you will be here on LS venting, and crying to anyone who will listen to your woe-is-me tale, how much you "hurt" after a 4 month whirlwind affair went due south. Pathetic.

 

regards

[fabulousgal]

your a real piece of work.

 

i apologized to you guys what else do you want.

 

be done, i'm a good person at heart and i don't need someone calling me pathetic.

[fabulousgal]

You know, they call it a rollercoaster for a reason! No one is going to be completely happy or completely sad. Yes for the most part I think I am a great girl! I've made great strides so far in healing. I've gone to talk sessions, and basically elimated my negative thought patterns about ME. I've learned not to obsess over the details so much. I've also learned that there are things I can do in the future to protect myself more!

 

So yes, to anyone whose read through this post that went way in the wrong direction, haha...know that I am making great steps. I have come to accept the end, and I really don't do silly things to try to get anyone back. No matter how much the NC'ers bollock me for what I did, I actually did it to feel better about ME. I'm not a rude person, and I always think about others first. I thought about how I would feel in a very chance situation like that, and it wouldn't be the greatest.

 

So anyway, sorry, but I guess its been an entertaining thread. I know where my heart and head is at, and I always do appreciate constructive comments and criticism on here. This site has helped me a lot, I appreciate it. I didn't take to well about the same person STILL saying I do things to try to get someone back. I'm done w that, and got defensive.

 

I am making positive efforts, and know what I am after now. Helping ME. Not everyone needs to handle things in the same way, I have accepted my situation for what it is, and I am not trying to go back there.

 

Also People like Diver and I have a weird situation, bc we are guaranteed to see our ex's. Its not something I enjoy, but it is my life so oh well.

 

And finally, let me just add one thing... be kind to other people on here...refrain from making blahzay judgments like, "Pathetic" or "You don't want to heal you want to wallow".... it's rude, and people who come here have hearts that were broken, no matter whether their relationship was 4 mos or 400 years. Yes I have moments where I feel great, and then I have a few where I get a little sad inside....but I can say those sad moments are getting fewer and far between

 

Love your Ls'ers,

 

FG

[KittenMoon]

Oh my. This thread seems familliar.

 

Bendit- you've done this enough to know a "Venter" when you see one. And you claim to not want to bother with them, so next time do everyone a favor and DON'T. Don't throw in your two sense to someone you "know" won't agree with it. This familiar drama of you weighing in, the OP getting miffed, and you attacking them for not taking your advice without question is played out. It's melodramatic. And it's negative support. Making someone feel bad about themselves by calling them immature and pathetic does nothing but paint you as the same. "Tough love" does not include insulting them.

 

And please realize that just because someone doesn't take your advice, doesn't mean they are not learning, or even healing. People deal in their own way, and NC is not a magic formula, not a shield against the emotions that come from chance encounters.

 

Fab- you're doing fine. Vent away- keeping it bottled in doesn't help at all. Us "cheerleaders" will listen without judging. I bet within 6 months an unexpected encounter like this won't do much more than create a mildly awkward "Hi- how are you, fine, take care" moment for you.

[riobikini]

Let's let it be.

 

They're both o.k., now -behind the scenes.

 

We all get a little off-track, sometimes.

 

-Rio