Guest Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 My boyfriend of 4 years- we've lived together for 2- Packed his things and told me he wasn't ready to be in this serious of a relationship. He swears there is no one else- and I believe him- He says he just needs time. The whole time he was packing he kept crying and telling me this is the stupidist thing he's ever done. He moved back with his dad 300 miles away but he calls me every day and tells me he loves me and misses me. He says he may be home someday he just hasn't been there long enough yet to know if he did the right thing. He's not asking me to wait for him but he doesn't want to be with anyone else. I'm just so confused bc we were'nt having any problems we weren't talking about getting married or having kids or anything.... I don't understand. I love him so much and can't imagine not being with him. Should I be asking him to come home or should I not? And if he does come hom how will I know he won't leave me again? If anyone has any advice or insight on what I should do or why he left I would appreciate it.
katiebour Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 What do you want out of the relationship? -Are you looking for marriage, committment, kids, the whole nine yards, or do you just want to cohabit forever? Will he give you what you want? -Are his life goals compatible with yours? Does he want the same things you want? Can you trust him? -If he moves back, what are the terms? What's to prevent him from leaving AGAIN if he gets scared AGAIN? My advice- go the NC route. Don't take his calls or talk to him for at least a week. No email, none of it. Tell him beforehand if you must but give him his "space." He's getting the reassurance he wants from you without giving anything back. You're basically sending the message, "I'll be here as long as you want me." This is your life! What are your goals, your wants, your needs? Leave him out of it for the time being. If he comes back, it needs to be on your terms, and he needs to commit to you that he won't leave again. Otherwise he's just gonna yank you like a yo-yo. If you choose to speak to him again after a week, set the terms of your relationship. Tell him what you want and need, and ask him if he's prepared to provide it. If he says no- believe him. Move on. If he's not ready for a serious relationship and you are- then find someone else who IS. Take your time to grieve the loss, mourn, and heal. You can't wait forever on the off-chance that he might "someday" be ready for a serious relationship. My god, you've been together for 4 years! That IS a serious relationship! A great book is "How to Survive the Loss of a Love." Take care.
MrPot Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 If you want him back act like you've moved on. Grab the power in this relationship like it were a football and you're running for the touchdown. If he really loves you, all you need to do is make him know that he could lose you. Then he'll come crawling back.
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