precious99 Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 My BF and I had a terrible fight yesterday and I told him that if he left (because he never deals with problems that we encounter - he just runs away) that it was over between us. Well needless to say - he left. I felt terrible about the ultimatum and I did not want it to be over so I called him last night. We both said that we wanted to still be together and still loved each other but the conversation ended on a sour note. (I was trying to talk to him about the issues and he was still withdrawing) So is it over? I am really sad and confused. I haven't heard from him since last night and all my friends tell me not to call him - that the next move needs to be his. What is going on!!
Walk Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 What was the fight about? What are the both of you going to do to address his problem of running away? Like... instead of him just leaving, maybe he could tell you that he needs a time out until both of you can calm down. Would you give him that time out if he asked for it? You might be able to restart communication if you have solutions or options for solutions instead of just calling to restate your grievances. Or call to only listen to his side of things without trying to state your side again.
Author precious99 Posted July 11, 2006 Author Posted July 11, 2006 We were fighting because he had embarrassed me in front of a group of his friends - friends who despite my greatest efforts do not like me (they are a tight knit group of friends that have been together since highschool and childishly do not accept newcomers willingly) I have to say that I do not think it was an intentional act - I think perhaps he just was not thinking at all. And yes of course if he said that he needed a breather and some time I would give it to him. He did actually call me today and apologized profusely - so I think we are going to be ok -
Walk Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 He embarressed you in front of them? Sounds like he's actively fighting to keep you out of the group. Just an assumption though. Glad that you two might work this out. Maybe bring up to him the idea of calling a time out first and then letting you know he's going to call you later, or you'll talk later. Something to let you know that he will talk with you about this more, and it will give him some time to think through his emotions without pressure. I set up something like this with my bf. He used to always run out the door over every little argument. Bolted. zip. All I wanted was assurance that he would discuss it with me when he cooled off (or both of us cooled off.). Otherwise I felt like he kept running away and leaving me in teh dark as to what was going on. Now he'll say he's taking a time out and going for a walk, or that we'll pick it up the next day, or whatever. It's helped. Just a suggestion.
Author precious99 Posted July 11, 2006 Author Posted July 11, 2006 Thanks Walk....and I think your right - when I push him to deal with it right in the moment he freezes and bolts - but once he has left and has taken some time to figure out what he is thinking and feeling - he approaches the situation much differently. And as for the fight - I don't think that he is trying to keep me out of the group - he has been actively distancing himself from them - however he has committed to two weddings this summer. (the one where the fight occured and one more) We both went into the evening in poor spirits and dark moods. We have been together seven months and he has never been anything except kind, loving and loyal. But when I see him tomorrow I will talk to him about the time out idea - I really think that it will work for us!!
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