jessssss Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 well, some of you may remember my post from the end of last week...found out my bf had been "flirting" with a girl on myspace and she was asking for his number and well, not sure where i left off last but he sent her a pic of him (one that was of me and him but he cut me out) and on sunday morning sent his phone number!!!!!! i was so hurt and confused and just didn't think he'd do that...well, i held it in all day...he's off across the damn country and i didn't want to fight about it whiel he's gone cause then i'd worrymore about him having a "free week away fro mteh gf" kind of thing...BUT last night it all came out. he was telling me about how he was eating dnner and all i hear are girls laughing....so i ask who he's eating with...3 girls...so immediately i get pissy...why? why all girls on his first night? so he gets defensive and triesto explain to me they are girls the girl he is with met, he's just eating....not going out or anything. fine....so i still have my guard up cause i hate that...hate not knowing...and i'm already a little iffy because of the myspace thing. well he starts in on me that i dont' trust him and i have to trust him...blah blah blah and i couldn't hold it in any longer. i told him well if he wanted me to trust him then he should be careful about leaving his email up (only way i could think at the moment-keep the thought of me snooping in one ear and out the other) so he played like he didn't know what i was talking about!! so i told him i knew about he pic and him sending her his number and wanting to meet up with her and all this crap...he finally spoke from his heart, had kind of a tone that i've never heard-likeh ek new he could lose me...he told me he would never compromise our relationship, that it was petty bullshyt and how i need to realize he has a lot invested in us and he wouldn't ahve done that if he didn't want to be with me forever. so it was 1130 by now and i really needed to get some rest, he had woke me up from a dead sleep, so we just kinda end it by me saying i trust him, i dont' trust other girls and he really needs to understand that and now i think this is a prime example....so not sure waht the next phone call will be like... what do i say? do i drop the whole thign? do i try to get more answers about this myspace girl? do i worry that he is going to cheat on me there since he gave some floozy on the internet his number, how am i supposed to think he won't give ti to one there?? is it cause maybe he views myspace as not real? would he have done that in "real life/person to person" i don't know what to do and how to get my stomach ache to go away. i just wnat to be there with him and get to see everything but instead i'm stuck here, alone, with a stoamch ache from worrying what he's doing and if that girl called him and all kinds of things....how should i tlak to him in teh next call?? i dont' want to fight but i want him to know i am defintely hurt from teh whole myspace thing. he's the type of guy who if you keep bringing up stuff every single day he gets irritated and then you lose the validity of your point, does that make sense? any help would be great. seems like he wasn't going to leave me, maybe having some flirting fun, thinking it was in imagination land. i just hate it...and the one thing i can't get out of my mind is last week he told me when he gets back from thsi trainging that he will prob be working later...like 2 hrs later...was he prepping me cause he was relly going to go meet that girl from myspace? ugh...i'm so sick i wish i didn't have to be at work today...i'm going to throw up...my mind is racing cause of this crap...why???
Walk Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 I hope some other people chime in.. it'd be helpful to get a few different views on this. From my view... well he starts in on me that i dont' trust him and i have to trust him... played like he didn't know what i was talking about!! he would never compromise our relationship, that it was petty bullshyt and how i need to realize he has a lot invested in us and he wouldn't ahve done that if he didn't want to be with me forever. when he gets back from this training that he will prob be working later...like 2 hrs later... Plus his "joke" about you you meeting someone from myspace while he was gone. These are not the words of someone being honest, not someone who has nothing to hide. First of all, if he didn't want to comprimise the relationship, then why the HELL is he giving some other woman his picture and number?? Sending her flirtatious emails, and asking for a nude picture of her? He's lying. Flat out, doesn't want to get caught, knows he's in a shyt load of trouble and will do anything to talk his way out of it. So he blames it all on you. I don't understand what he's talking about saying it was petty bs? Meaning you bringing it up? Or him emailing her? He gave that other woman his number. People who have no intention of following through, who are only playing games on the net, do NOT give out their number. This wasn't nothing to him. She is very real, and he very deliberately gave her his phone number with the intention that she would call him. That he would talk to her while he was away from you. Not once has he mentioned her, or told you about her. Nothing. His silence on the situation is his guilty plea. I told you once that I had a myspace account and hadnt' told my bf about it. He found out from my family that I had one and asked me about it later. He was suspicious of my not mentioning it, and he had every reason to be concerned because of my lack of mentioning it. I showed him the account and each person I emailed or spoke to. Every single one was a person that my bf had met and talked to at some point in our relationship. None of my emails were flirtatious, or innapropriate. I wasn't upset he didn't trust me without proof. My proof would stand for itself in my defense. I had nothing to hide. My actions and my words all said the same thing, that I was committed to this relationship. Your bf is giving you the words, but his actions say the complete opposite. And when those two things don't match, then always count on the actions more than the words. You have every right to be hurt and upset by this. He's violated your trust. A few words are not going to smooth this all over. He needs to prove through actions that he means what he is saying. Not just words. And hanging out with other women is not proving he's worthy of your trust. You're right in this Jess. Don't let him confuse you and shift the blame.
Author jessssss Posted July 10, 2006 Author Posted July 10, 2006 thanks walk, i felt like i was right on this one. i just don't know how to handle it now...he spoke from his heart last night, like he knew he f***ed up...he knew he shouldn't ahve done it... piont is he did...now i know and he knows i know...time to move on.... do i bring it up while he's on his trip? do i wait until he gets home? of course he's going to shift the blame on me, he knows he screwed up...but it hasn't gotten farther than that...so waht do i do now? i don't want to get in a fight while he's away about this but at teh same time it's killing me cause i dont' know what to do and i'm really hurt that he gave her his number. he said that it was petty bs about the girl, liek he didn't believe she was real kind of thing...is this grounds to break up? how far do i take this? he is the type to turn things around on me, just how he is...i've got to make sure i "win" this one and want to go about it the "right" way if tehre is one. i think this will prove what he really wants...if he wants me or that girl or what.... i want to bring up the 2 hours staying later at his work. one point is he is coming back from training and that is when he will get the most calls is after 6 but why did he just now mention that? i dont' know what to do...i don't know what to say, i just wnat to talk to him face to face but cant' do taht for another 5 days...what do i do????
Walk Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 This would be grounds to break up. If it was "petty bs about the girl", then why did he give her his number, and specifically tell her to call while he was away from you? It's not petty, and she is real to him. You know he's not retarded, so he has to have some idea that real people exist on the other side of the screen. Not machines, or fairies. I think you should write up a list of the things you know are fact. Print out his myspace messages to this girl. Write down everything you can think of that has made you question his commitment to this relationship. I think it might help you in seeing through some of his bs later and it'll make it harder for him to talk his way out of something when you have proof sitting under his nose. I also think you should take the rest of this week to think about what you want from this relationship and assess the damage he has caused. I think you're attempting to find a solution without really looking at the damage that was done. Not only will he have to prove beyond doubt that he isn't chasing other women, but he has to work to regain your trust in him. At this point it's completely moot. He won't even accept responsibility for his actions. He's still denying it. Saying it wasn't a big deal. He's invalidating your feelings on this. Telling you that you are blowing this out of proportion. Unless he realizes the extent of the damage he caused, you can't repair the relationship. Until you hear him admitt it all, then don't even attempt to fix this. And he better admit everything. That he did give her his phone number with the intent of talking to her. That he had wanted to meet up with her, and that is why he said he did. That he intentionally sent flirtatious emails to her. etc. etc. He better bare his soul and start confessing his sins without covering them with sh*t and minimizing his actions. Otherwise, it won't matter what you do, or what you say, or how great a girlfriend you are. If he can't fully admit he f***ed up, then you can't change anything. You can work for years to make it the best relationship, and nothing will ever change. Don't do that to yourself. So my opinion. Cut contact with him for the week. Next time he calls tell him you need time to reasses what you want in your life and that you don't want to talk to him until he gets home. Tell him that you would like it if he were to assess what he wants in his life too, and decide if that includes you in it. And what he's going to do to prove it. Then say bye and don't talk to him again until he gets home. I think it'll send a strong message that you aren't interested in his bs, and no matter how he spins the situation, you're taking this very seriously. If you continue talking to him every night, he'll never take this seriously. He'll never accept that he could potentially lose you because you're still very much there and waiting for him. He might worry, but there won't be true fear. And I don't think that you will get him to realize the importance of his mistake if he doesnt' come to the abrupt conclusion that you will be gone if he doesn't change immediately. I think he's convinced you won't leave, that you'll be there waiting for him. And that he can make you believe you're just insecure and pretty soon you'll stop talking about it altogether. He'll make the problem go away by convincing you that you're wrong, and that you bring it up too much.
typical Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 i just wnat to talk to him face to face but cant' do taht for another 5 days...what do i do???? Which is why I recommended that you didnt breathe a word of any of this to him untill you had gathered enough information to go above and beyond the proof spectrum....to confront him with upon his return. Now you are stuck for another 5 days feeling torn and confused and wanting to believe his lies. Because you dont have anything concrete right now. There is the phone number ordeal, but you are going to end up forgiving him over that....had you waited and gathered more info, you could of busted him cold erasing any and all doubt in your mind if you dumped him because of your untrusting and suspicious nature. Because you dont have anything concrete right now. I say this only because I think in your mind, you will forgive him for this, as he will talk you into it and it is not like you saw a message from her stating that "last nite was wonderful" or "your kiss is so hott".... What I mean to say is that the mind plays tricks on us, especially when we are in love. We tend to overlook the obvious signs that are screaming in our face, and have a compulsion to blur the edges of blatant proof to make it easier for us to accept that someone we love would never hurt us because we would never do that to them. I agree with this: He gave that other woman his number. People who have no intention of following through, who are only playing games on the net, do NOT give out their number.---walk and all of this as well: Plus his "joke" about you you meeting someone from myspace while he was gone. These are not the words of someone being honest, not someone who has nothing to hide. First of all, if he didn't want to comprimise the relationship, then why the HELL is he giving some other woman his picture and number?? Sending her flirtatious emails, and asking for a nude picture of her? He's lying. Flat out, doesn't want to get caught, knows he's in a shyt load of trouble and will do anything to talk his way out of it. So he blames it all on you. I don't understand what he's talking about saying it was petty bs? Meaning you bringing it up? Or him emailing her? He gave that other woman his number. People who have no intention of following through, who are only playing games on the net, do NOT give out their number. This wasn't nothing to him. She is very real, and he very deliberately gave her his phone number with the intention that she would call him. That he would talk to her while he was away from you. Not once has he mentioned her, or told you about her. Nothing. His silence on the situation is his guilty plea. I told you once that I had a myspace account and hadnt' told my bf about it. He found out from my family that I had one and asked me about it later. He was suspicious of my not mentioning it, and he had every reason to be concerned because of my lack of mentioning it. I showed him the account and each person I emailed or spoke to. Every single one was a person that my bf had met and talked to at some point in our relationship. None of my emails were flirtatious, or innapropriate. I wasn't upset he didn't trust me without proof. My proof would stand for itself in my defense. I had nothing to hide. My actions and my words all said the same thing, that I was committed to this relationship. Your bf is giving you the words, but his actions say the complete opposite. And when those two things don't match, then always count on the actions more than the words. You have every right to be hurt and upset by this. He's violated your trust. A few words are not going to smooth this all over. He needs to prove through actions that he means what he is saying. Not just words. And hanging out with other women is not proving he's worthy of your trust. You're right in this Jess. Don't let him confuse you and shift the blame.----walk I still say that the intention was there, hence the flirty commentary, exchanging of pics and the phone number, but if you are hellbent on giving him another chance......Take it slow and MAKE him WORK for it. HARD.
Walk Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 I have a somewhat similiar past situation where my ex convinced me that I blew it all out of proportion and I was wrong in doing so.... Love makes us really blind sometimes. Anyway, while I was away, my ex went to the bar with his buddies (2 other guys), they picked up three women. (He said it was three girls his buddy picked up, but he'd been against it the entire time). They went back to the buddies place and played poker and drank. (He said regular poker but who knows.) One of the buddies took a girl back to his bedroom, the other was making out on the couch, so my ex went to sleep in the other bedroom and this girl just so happened to be in there too!! He couldn't just tell her to get out. Then he explained how he didn't sleep with her. That it was purely innocent. That he didn't have any intention of even touching her. They just slept and nothing happened. After we broke up, it came out that although they didn't have sex, they were all over each other. And the only reason they didn't have sex is because the girl stopped it right before he could. He would've though, he wanted to. She stopped him. What I'm trying to say is, I was completely blind. I wanted to believe him so I did. I didn't push the issue, I accepted it at face value. I didn't dig any deeper into it. Even after this same girl started calling him after midnight on his cell phone. I still believed him. Keep your eyes open, don't fall into the mistake of believing him because you love him. There are enough indicators that you should know beyond a doubt he had the intention and a plan to meet up with her. And it wasn't in a platonic kind of way, not when you're asking for nude pictures and flirting.
blind_otter Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 Which is why I recommended that you didnt breathe a word of any of this to him untill you had gathered enough information to go above and beyond the proof spectrum....to confront him with upon his return. I say this only because I think in your mind, you will forgive him for this, as he will talk you into it and it is not like you saw a message from her stating that "last nite was wonderful" or "your kiss is so hott".... What I mean to say is that the mind plays tricks on us, especially when we are in love. We tend to overlook the obvious signs that are screaming in our face, and have a compulsion to blur the edges of blatant proof to make it easier for us to accept that someone we love would never hurt us because we would never do that to them. I totally agree with typical. And honestly, who WOULD tell the truth if confronted about it? If he's been unfaithful but he wants to keep his main thing while playing around on the side, it really wouldn't be in his best interests to be honest with you. IME there is never any hard and fast proof that can't be argued. That's the whole principle behind debate -- if you're good at it (like me) you can argue ANY stance, whether it's right or not, because you know how to argue. Not because you're right. I also think women tend to want to talk things out, but if you're dealing with someone who is dishonest, and open discussiong is usually a moot point. There's no such thing.
Author jessssss Posted July 10, 2006 Author Posted July 10, 2006 this is killing me...yall have points, points that i need to hear, i know i don't need to just up and forgive him, i know that he has totally lost all trust that i had...i want him to work for it...if i tell him that i don't want to talk to him teh rest of the week, i don't know what he'd say. i don't know if he'd come crawling back to me...maybe that's what i need to do to see what i really mean to him. i'm alone...i have no friends here, i have his guy friend's taht are my friends too but not like my friends from school who aer in a different state right now. anyway, i have no one..i don't want to just cut contact off with him, no one will understand that but i want to talk it through instead of just cutting him offl...is that stupid? i'm here to get advice...i really need it. the way our phone call ended last night was he todl me i had nothing to worry about and it was really late and i had to get to bed...how do i conduct when he calls me in 2 hours? what do i say? do you really think i should cut off contact for the rest of hte week? i guess part of me knows i should try it but then again another part ofm e doesn't want to.... gosh, i'm really confused now...sorry this is so choppy. it's just so hard for me...i dont' know what to do....i don't want to do the wrong thing....i think anything is fixable but then the question is always there-will it happen again? what is the reason behind it? i have made a list of everythign that is bothering me and that i need answers to from him...should i ask them over htep hone? do i talk to him the rest of the week and not mentin the other girl and wait until he comes home...once again, i'm sorry. i'm getting frantic i'm so fvking confused!
Walk Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 Maybe role play with us on here first, before talking to him. There are some pat responses he'll give, and we might help you diffuse your initial reaction if you're given some time to think of how to cut through his bs. For instance, if you ask him why he gave that girl his number, and he says it's because he didn't think it was anything, that he'd never talk to her. It might help if you were able to prepare for what he might say to talk his way out of it. Instead of accepting his answer, confront him on the illogic of it. There are pro's and con's to asking him on the phone. It might create enough distance that you could hear his words for what they are. Whereas if he were sitting in front of you it might be harder to think he's lying to you. On the flip side, you can't see his non-verbal language. Something you may have caught on to in person, you won't see on the phone.
blind_otter Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 Somebody gave me good advice recently. The thing about making demands with lovers is that you really have to be able to stick to your guns. You have to be ready to walk away if your needs are not met. Otherwise, your threats and demands are empty of meaning and pointless. Men don't respond well to crying, accusations, or hysterical conversations. At all costs avoid crying on the phone or having a spazz attack. That will only make him want to calm you down and smooth things over, and it usually gets in the way of making real progress regarding your issues.
ash8752 Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 SO, i cant produce much help. I am in love with a guy that most likely wont talk to girls he doesnt know on Myspace. But, he deleted his account for me a month ago and now resents me for it and wants to open one again because his whole band is on it and all his friends. Mind you, he is 28 and used to think it was stupid! ANyway, for one reason or another I HATE IT!!!! I know some of his ex's are on it and there is a new group of girls that is friends with his best friends gf and they are like 21-22 years old and they want my bf and i am sure they are on it. So, it's not a matter of him, it's them. ANd i think a slight worry that due to his lack of attention in the past from girls maybe this will be exciting for him. YUCK!!! I am manipulating this all in my mind. PS...I start therapy today to work mainly on my trust issues and insecurities etc! But all in all on your situation, i would be pissed if my bf gave some girl his phone number. How would he feel if you did the same?
Author jessssss Posted July 10, 2006 Author Posted July 10, 2006 well...while i was waiting for yalls responses i got a call...earlier than i thought...from him, obviously i have him sweating. i just was very quiet and let him know i was still hurt and wasn't going to let it go THAT easily and i need him to prove to me that he means what he says. he admited what he did was wrong, he doesn't even nkow why he did it (or so he says, i think it was a good ego-stroking for one thing) and he said that he would never do anything like that to compromise our reltaionship...so i brought up the fact that he sent a pic to her and his phone number!!! he backd down, knew he was wrong and knew he shouldn't have. he said sorry so many times and that he understands where i'm comign from, he says that he wuodl be just as mad and he knows he was wrong and well...needless to say i'm at work so we didn't talk too long but he brought it up, not me...one thing he did say is taht he thinks i'm going to "hang this over his head" for the rest of his life and he cant' have that, so i said you should have thought about that when you started chatting with her. and he knows i'm right...i told him i won't hang it over his head as long as he proves to me he really means what he says...i can't remember everythign at the moment...i'm really backed up at work from thinking so much abgout it this morn thati need to run for a sec...i'll write more when i remember everything, i'm sure somethings you guys say will job my memory.. one more thing, just wnat to note that me having him put himself in my positin and if he found that i had been doing what he's doing...what woudl he do...that really got ot him...put it into perspective the best.
Author jessssss Posted July 10, 2006 Author Posted July 10, 2006 so now i just get a text saying that "you are my one and only i love u some much i am so sorry please trust me i would never do anythingto lose you, i love youuuuuuuu" so what do you take of that? it was sweet and i haven't gotten kind sweet meaningful words from him in months. as you all prob have read some of my previous posts...the past few months haven't been that great...stress with money, hsi lack of job, him being in the house ALL DAY LONG at that time and then i have no friends here, girlfriends that is...ti's been rough and it looks to me, and i may be blind right now, but it lokos like he's coming back around...like maybe it was going to take this happening to wake him up that he needs to try in our relationship. we are well past the honeymooon stage and that is rough on any couple...i don't know what all to think, time will tell but i am somewhat pleased to have him kinda crawling back to me, letting him know i mean business and he is letting me knows he really wants me...make sense?? or am i blind??
Walk Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 Blind. I'm sorry. He'll bust butt with words for a while. Get you happy again, but it won't solve anything. How is he going to change his behavior? What is he going to do to resolve this issue, other than just words? Otherwise, it's all just words. Can you answer why he did it with absolute certainty? Why did he say he did it? Did he give more than a one sentence answer to it, or did he explain what he was thinking, why he acted as he did, and how he believes this can be avoided in the future? What aspects of the relationship were causing him to seek outside attention in the first place? How will those aspects be changed, or dealt with so that he doesn't feel a need to seek other women's attention? Until you two come to some deeper understandings, then all you're doing is allowing the problem to be glossed over with some smooth words. p.s. I'm not saying make him pay, I'm saying make him think. He needs to figure out what the underlying problem is, or what contributed, or what can be worked on to have this never happen again.
Author jessssss Posted July 10, 2006 Author Posted July 10, 2006 I definitely understand what you're saying about having him tell me why he did it, or what underlying problems could have caused him to do it...i want him to figure that out...i will bring that up when i tlak to him tonight...i know he's trying to smooth things over, i knew he would, unless what he and that grl had were real which i dont' think it is...i noticed she sent him a message to his email and to his phone via her yahoo and he hasn't responded as far as i know...we'll see...i'm going to see what he does...see if he quits talking to her like i asked. he didn't tell me WHY he did it...he just said it was wrong to have done and it meant nothing...like he was a deer in headlights. i asked if he was going to meet her next week since he had the "work overtime" speech with me and he said no, of course not in a way that i truly believed him. he said it was all a game... i know this is going ot change our relationship and it already has...he's going to ahve to work for my trust...udnerstand where i'm comingfrom. he's at this conference/training thing and he went with that girl EMILY that he works with...she's cool, cute but not his tyep and a live in bf so i'm not at all worried about her...but she's meeting other girls and he's hanging out with her, obviously because he only knows her oyut of the 25 that are there. hopefully he'll find a cool guy to just sit and talk to instead of hanging out with her. my bf is a very independent person and can talk to anyone...one reason i did fall in love with him...now i guess i'm smacking myself because now he's exposed to all tehse people and prob half being women...and all of this to come at a time like this- just finding out that he has been "chatting online" with another girl and exchanging phone number and pic...now THAT is horrible and makes everything 10 times worse. one more thing, not sure if i've posted this yet. i asked him why he gave his number at all...and he said she wasn't going to call...so why give your number...that's bullshyt i know better than that. if i find out he goes and meets her somewhere...i'm packing up his shyt, putting it in the garage and going to buy new locks for the house...
ash8752 Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 Jess- I understand why you are staying. It is really hard to up and leave someone when you love them so much and they tell you all the things you want to hear. Did he delete his account? Maybe he could write her one last time saying "This was all a mistake, i love my gf and she doesnt deserve this type of behavior." I wish girls would all just stick together. Like when they find out that a man is in a relationship, engaged, or married they would just walk away knowing how it would suck to be on the other end. I for one was stupid when i was younger. Now, (although i am in a relationship) would never be with a taken man. I wont show any woman that kind of disrespect. So many women out there dont think things through, and men too. But Jess you are right!!! Putting something is perspective for a man is certainly the best way to get your thoughts through. I wish you the best. If he does it again though....walk out the door and find a better man.You know that "fool me once, fool me twice" quote right?
clandestinidad Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 I'd like to mention something.... Try to realize how far the situation w/ the other girl could have/would have gotten if you hadnt found out or said anything about it. I really think he's open to other people. He was actively pursuing SOMEthing with another person up until you pulled the rug out from under it. This is not a trustworthy person, and you shouldnt put up with it. I had a boyfriend who lied and hid things ALL the time. I stayed with him for about a year, tried to work on it, even when I found pictures of girls on his computer....one who he spent time sharing fantasies with and masturbated with...... This is a major character flaw, possibly based on severe immaturity....but it KILLS all of the trust in the relationship, making a healthy relationship impossible. Please consider YOUR long-term happiness. You should not spend years of you life feeling insecure and wondering if anything is going on because of people like this.
Author jessssss Posted July 10, 2006 Author Posted July 10, 2006 i do wonder how far it would have went with her, hell, it may still go on but i'm keeping a super eye on it just to see...not telling him i know his password...yeah some may say that's bad but this is imporant enough to me to see...he's lost my trust. i'm going to find out what made him do this and i do know one thing...he has told her numerous times he has a gf and is in a happy relationship and she was the one persuing him...she wrote him first, i know that for a fact. she may be a skanky slut and just doing this cause it gets her off, she does have 44 other "friends" on her account so who knows. i don't like ti...maybe it was as a joke at first for him but it shouldn't ahve went on as long as it did. i am going to ask him how does he expect me to trust he won't do that again....how do i know that he's not at his training place, 2thousand miles away, and flirting and being a different person cause he can, cause it's a vacation, a vacation from me. i'm dreaming up scenarios as to what he could be doing and i am only doing this cause my trust for him is gone and i definitely don't trust other grls. last night he had dinner with 3 girls, one of which the girl he knows (only person there he knows) and it irked me sooo much...and made me come out with teh whole i know what your'e doing and i didn't want to but i'm glad it's out...but when i heard the girls laughing...it just slapped me...i hate this...i really really really hate this. i'm glad i have this site to help sort things out. i'll say straight up i dont' want to leave him for this...sure you can say what would he have done. piont is he hasn't done that...if he wants to he still can and i willsee...he's got a lot to prove to me. everyone deserves a chance...i'm going to keep watching.
clandestinidad Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 Well, if you'd like to keep all of the evidence organized, I suggest hurrying and printing out all of the stuff you've found....hopefully he hasnt deleted it yet. You'll probably need this for later, when/if he tries to white-wash his behavior or try to act like it didnt happen that way. I hope that you're able to feel better about this soon. Things like this are SO stressful, and I wish you peace.
Author jessssss Posted July 10, 2006 Author Posted July 10, 2006 thanks for the good wishes kat and luv...i'm handling it okay, i know my man and i know when he sounds like he's bsing me or if he's true or if he means it and i just talked to him...i think last night he had life without me flash before his eyes...i think it took that to realize - whoa, look what i'd lose and i think he will make it up to me. if not, i have evidence and i will slam him with it. i'm going to give it time, that's all i can do right now. i think you know when someone is being fake, especially someone that you love as much as i love him. i knew something was up...that's why i even checked his email when i saw his password at home...i just had a feeling...now i have a feeling he's goingto be more honest and open and loving...hard to write without sounding stupid and like i am letting him swoon me over with words. i dont know...i think i will know if i need to leave him or if we can work it out when i see him and see how this week goes and see if he even writes her back. that one will be a major for me...major... thanks for all the help, think of anything else...i would definitely like to hear it...he doesn't get home until saturday! ugh...i'm sure i'll need support as we have never spent more than 2 nights apart! lol
Choco7 Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 Well it seems to me that u r making too many excuses for this guy, when u find urself covering up for his mess then u know deep down something is wrong, i tink dat u shud tell him exactly how u feel ,tell him dat wat he has done has effected u negatively and that u need him to reassure u, tell him dat if tings dnt change then ur gona end it, da truth is if a guy is really inlove wid u he wont go around picking up other chicks, the answers r right there in front of u swty, bt ur jus too afraid to admit to urself that he may not be da right guy for u.ur jus gona get more insecure and dats gona drive u crazy, so jus talk to him & then take tings from there k. I wish u all da luck!
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