VaMpY2 Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 [FONT=Helv] the question is does he loves me? we have known each other for a few years. All those time I counted our time together was a fling. After I got engaged, I told him I'll stop seeing him ever again. I wanted to be a good wife. But my sex life was going down slope. So one nite after a fight with my SO, I decided to meet him & we have a great time together. After that nite, he told me what happened between us before I got engaged was more than just a fling to him.. He loves me. He wants us to be together. But he didnt take the actions because he was going thru his separation with his wife then. He doesn't want to burden me. It's unfair to me. Neverthless, he is happy for me. He feels that my SO can provide me a better life. I found out that he & his wife aren't divorce either. Still separated. But staying together for the sake of the kids. We have been seeing each other for the past 6mths. Other than the great time, we also talked to each other about our problems. He also help giving me advises on my relationship. He sends me home as & when he has the chance to. He'll always think for me when we plan sometime together. Makes sure I am well taken care for. Until recently, I realised that his sweet messages has dropped. Hes no longer as concern as he used to be. I feel lust from him than to love/affections. I confronted him. He said he's not one that shows love outwardly.. Added that he does care alot for me & I am someone important to him. One time we meet, he held my hand. I feel so uncomfortable. It feels like he's treating me like a galfriend. But is he? But now I keep having this question inside myself again. Does he really love me or just act for the sake of that fulfilment he gets from me that he can't get from his wife? I love my partner very much. I want to be with him for the rest of my life. I also want more than just a fling with my friend. I also want his love.[/FONT]
magichands Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 Is deception any part of love? You had better tell your husband about this and see what he thinks.
Author VaMpY2 Posted July 10, 2006 Author Posted July 10, 2006 i believe in a relationship there's always deceptions....don't u think? why do i have to tell him, it has nothing to do with him. Why do you guys sympathies a woman seeing a married man..or a married woman in a bad marriage seeing a someone.. even another told you shes in bad marriage, thus start seeing someone..then found out that hes not serious..then realised her hubby loves her...isnt hers similar to mine? you guys help her...why spike about mine? Its happening everywhere...I am not the only one.. Is deception any part of love? You had better tell your husband about this and see what he thinks.
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 Until recently, I realised that his sweet messages has dropped. Hes no longer as concern as he used to be. I feel lust from him than to love/affections. I confronted him. He said he's not one that shows love outwardly.. My question is this: what do you intend to do about your husband? Do you intend to stay married? The answer to that question pretty much determines your future with your married man. If you do not intend to stay married, then get a divorce sooner than later. It could be that your married man is not comfortable completely giving up his married life for someone who won't give up hers. Why should he divorce if you won't? If you want to see what this man is made of, and if he is willing to do what it takes to have you in his life then you must do 'no contact'. For your own sanity if nothing else. Tell him that you love him, and you want him in your life but that you will not have him in your life if it means doing it on such a limited level. Then go to complete, absolute no contact. This will give you time to sort your own stuff out, and give him time to see what it is like without you in his life. If he can't bear that, he will come to you on your terms. If he can bear that, you won't hear from him again. This may sound painful, but do you really want to be with someone who won't be with you except as a piece on the side? As for you, your period of 'no contact' will give you time to re-evaluate your marriage and decide if you want to stay in it regardless of what happens with your married man.
BUTAFLY Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 I'm amazed at this part: After I got engaged, I told him I'll stop seeing him ever again. I wanted to be a good wife. But my sex life was going down slope. So one nite after a fight with my SO, I decided to meet him & we have a great time together. Your in an affair before you got married, Your sex life is going down the slope already, so why then did you get married? I would think that is a tall tail sign of, your not ready. (this is a close subject to me and I have been trying to figure this out for a year) I realised that his sweet messages has dropped. Hes no longer as concern as he used to be. I feel lust from him than to love/affections. Men are not like women in this respect. Women will tend to hold on and give lots of love and affection waiting for a man to make his discision. He sees you get engaged, then married, you tell him of your marital problems all the while he is probabely hanging in there, holding out hope you two would be together. He soon realizes your not going to leave, he got tired of waiting and he has to move on. Theres no mistery here. Why should he waste his time? If you want his sex thats one thing, if you want his love...that too much for him to invest if it leads to no where.
Author VaMpY2 Posted July 11, 2006 Author Posted July 11, 2006 [FONT=Helv][sIZE=2]I get what you meant. you want me to fig out who I want but I can't have both. But I wish to have both (i know I am wrong on that part, but i can't help it My OS is a great guy, I love him alot..but its just that hes not really that good in bed. Hes satisfied within 15mins, while I have just started warm up... I have tried to stay no contact with others at all for 1yr. But I can't endure it any longer..Its like a drug..I need it so much...Thus, it leads me to look for someone who can pls me in bed when I had a big fight with him. Initally all i need is a great time. but as time passes by, the way this other guy treats me..with love, attention & care. feelings grow towards him. I started wondering if he really has feelings towards me. Last nite he told me he enjoy being with me. He know his stand. He can't ask for more. He will treasure as much as he can being with me. Cos we are both married (he is only under separation with his wife, but they are still staying together for the sake of their kids). Initially I m out only for sex . now somehow i wanted to know if he really likes me..or only for sex.. (gals are all like that, feelings grow) But the way he express his love for me is so blurr. [/sIZE][/FONT]
Curmudgeon Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 i believe in a relationship there's always deceptions....don't u think? why do i have to tell him, it has nothing to do with him. Its happening everywhere...I am not the only one.. Well, this certainly explains why you're cheating on your husband. There may always have been and may always be deception in your relationships (especially your present one) but that's not the norm for many of us. Your sleeping with another man has nothing to do with your husband? Surely you jest. Wait until you're caught (probable) or you bring home to your husband the gift that keeps on giving (possible) and I'd like to be there when you tell him that his wife sleeping around has nothing to do with him. Not being the only one makes everyting alright, does it? For the record, it is NOT happening everywhere. It doesn't happen in my home or my marriage or many others'.
Author VaMpY2 Posted July 11, 2006 Author Posted July 11, 2006 you say its not norm. I suppose you meant a wife to cheat on husband..cos its the minority... its norm for husbands to cheat on wives. We see it all the time..So a guy can & a gal can't? In this world, how many of us are 100% always faithful? hmm? Well, this certainly explains why you're cheating on your husband. There may always have been and may always be deception in your relationships (especially your present one) but that's not the norm for many of us. Your sleeping with another man has nothing to do with your husband? Surely you jest. Wait until you're caught (probable) or you bring home to your husband the gift that keeps on giving (possible) and I'd like to be there when you tell him that his wife sleeping around has nothing to do with him. Not being the only one makes everyting alright, does it? For the record, it is NOT happening everywhere. It doesn't happen in my home or my marriage or many others'.
Curmudgeon Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 So a guy can & a gal can't? but don't try to put words in my mouth. Neither should cheat and it's just that simple. Not everyone does it. Statistics vary but hover around the facts that about 60% of men and 40% of women are or have been involved in infidelity. Now 40% + 60% would ordinarily = 100% but in this care they represent only 50% of married persons. That leaves another 50% who are faithful. Please don't waste your time looking for validation from me. Both my wife and I are monogamous and the keynote of our marriage is honesty, even when it hurts!
Author VaMpY2 Posted July 11, 2006 Author Posted July 11, 2006 I didnt say all are doing it. I just say that, it is not uncommon to see things like that happen around us. gals & guys cheat...this way or the other.. Of cos there are happy ever after couple. (like you) Who doesn't want that? I wish I don't have to go thru this either...I wish my SO is the first guy I met..so this things wont happen..but its not true..it'll never be. So a guy can & a gal can't? but don't try to put words in my mouth. Neither should cheat and it's just that simple. Not everyone does it. Statistics vary but hover around the facts that about 60% of men and 40% of women are or have been involved in infidelity. Now 40% + 60% would ordinarily = 100% but in this care they represent only 50% of married persons. That leaves another 50% who are faithful. Please don't waste your time looking for validation from me. Both my wife and I are monogamous and the keynote of our marriage is honesty, even when it hurts!
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 You are a cakewoman. He is a cakeman. You only have but so much you can give to each other regardless of whether its love or lust, so it doesn't really matter in the end does it?
BUTAFLY Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 Vampy2, My OS is a great guy, I love him alot..but its just that hes not really that good in bed. Hes satisfied within 15mins, while I have just started warm up... it leads me to look for someone who can pls me in bed when I had a big fight with him. I think you should meet StoopidGuy. He's in your same boat. Seach is handle, thread titled 'Resisting Temptation."
Author VaMpY2 Posted July 12, 2006 Author Posted July 12, 2006 I understand that I can't request more nor can I give.... m just hoping he'll not be so obvious about doing it with me... Who doesn't want more love? You are a cakewoman. He is a cakeman. You only have but so much you can give to each other regardless of whether its love or lust, so it doesn't really matter in the end does it?
Author VaMpY2 Posted July 12, 2006 Author Posted July 12, 2006 haha..maybe we will have alot in common... Where's it? Vampy2, I think you should meet StoopidGuy. He's in your same boat. Seach is handle, thread titled 'Resisting Temptation."
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