jujubes Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 I just ended things with my 4-month boyfriend. I am 18 and this was the first guy I've ever been in a relationship with. Looking at it objectively, he was just about the perfect guy for me: totally trustworthy, honest, mellow, gentle, etc. We got along like best friends, sharing almost all our interests and viewpoints. I felt safe with him and totally at ease. Able to be myself. The problem? I just stopped feeling the relationship. He did absolutely nothing wrong, but I found myself looking for more and more ways to AVOID spending time with him. Sometimes I liked kissing him, but most of the physical stuff we did, I'd just lie there and tense up because I was totally NOT aroused. My romantic feelings towards him fluctuated on a day-to-day basis. Sometimes I acted grumpy or snappy just to see if I could rile him up, because his mellowness was getting on my nerves. I never really looked forward to spending more than a few hours with him... any longer than that, and I'd want some space. So I dumped him. I felt horrible, especially because I couldn't give him a reasonable explanation why I was doing it! It's like we were so similar, there was no challenge, no spark, no encouragement to grow or learn. I felt like I was with my twin. He also mirrored some things about myself that I would like to get away from (such as being kind of unsocial) so I felt like my personal growth was stifled. But now I'm having serious second thoughts about having broken up with him. He was SUCH a great guy! Especially at my age, it's hard to find men who are so respectful. And he shared so many of my weird quirks and hobbies. I'm feeling like the moron of the century right now... why did I throw away a relationship that had so much going for it? Since he was my first boyfriend, I have no experience with any of this. Does it sound like I made a huge mistake letting him go?
BareGoddess Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 I just ended things with my 4-month boyfriend. I am 18 and this was the first guy I've ever been in a relationship with. Looking at it objectively, he was just about the perfect guy for me: totally trustworthy, honest, mellow, gentle, etc. We got along like best friends, sharing almost all our interests and viewpoints. I felt safe with him and totally at ease. Able to be myself. The problem? I just stopped feeling the relationship. He did absolutely nothing wrong, but I found myself looking for more and more ways to AVOID spending time with him. Sometimes I liked kissing him, but most of the physical stuff we did, I'd just lie there and tense up because I was totally NOT aroused. My romantic feelings towards him fluctuated on a day-to-day basis. Sometimes I acted grumpy or snappy just to see if I could rile him up, because his mellowness was getting on my nerves. I never really looked forward to spending more than a few hours with him... any longer than that, and I'd want some space. So I dumped him. I felt horrible, especially because I couldn't give him a reasonable explanation why I was doing it! It's like we were so similar, there was no challenge, no spark, no encouragement to grow or learn. I felt like I was with my twin. He also mirrored some things about myself that I would like to get away from (such as being kind of unsocial) so I felt like my personal growth was stifled. But now I'm having serious second thoughts about having broken up with him. He was SUCH a great guy! Especially at my age, it's hard to find men who are so respectful. And he shared so many of my weird quirks and hobbies. I'm feeling like the moron of the century right now... why did I throw away a relationship that had so much going for it? Since he was my first boyfriend, I have no experience with any of this. Does it sound like I made a huge mistake letting him go? Too bad honey. Your loss! You're just immature. Not ready for a nice guy yet. Wait another 15 years or so like I did. What a fool. I'm mad because my stepson, who is the sweetest boy in the world (19 years old) was just dumped by a girl like you. He did nothing wrong. He's handsome and smart and treated his g/f so well. But she was like you. Immature and didn't know what she wanted. (Just like me at that age.) Why did you throw it away? Because he was too nice. You're not ready to appreciate a guy like that yet. It's sad. I hope you don't have to wait 15 more years like I did to realize your mistake. My stepson is heartbroken. You sound just like his g/f and your ex sounds like him. It's sad. Grow up girl!
MacGyver Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 Firstly, no ones an IDIOT!!! Your not an idiot. Yes i do believe it could have gone a little different but its all part of life. This is your first time and you should learn from it. I'm not sure what it was you were after from him, but it also seems like you didnt know either! So before you start running back to him, only to find yourself feeling the same way as you described all over again, just think about why you really broke it off with him. Is he missing something?? Is he really too nice?? It's never to late to fix things, so just think about the reason you did it and then when your ready, sit him down LIKE AN ADULT and talk to him!!! Talking/Communication is something everyone takes for granted. My thoughts: To me it just sounds like you did it to get some attention from him.
gabelee Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 Relationships end sometimes like plants become too big for their pots--because we need more space to grow and learn. You followed your heart and there's no need to be sorry for that. Do you think he enjoys being with someone who's all tense during lovemaking (to whatever degree), bored, "not into him?" You did him and yourself a favor. There's no need to apologize at 18 for not being 35. Follow your bliss. Happy searching and new discoveries! When it feels good, it's supposed to. When it doesn't, "you ain't doin' it right!" --Joe Williams
Walk Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 You weren't wrong. I think the first reply to this post was way off line, but she's talking from a protective mothers point of view... You did the mature thing by ending the relationship. Too many people will let something like that continue indefinitely just so they won't be alone. I think what you did shows you were willing to accept responsibility and mature enough to realize that you weren't being fair to the guy. You don't stay with someone simply because they are a good person. I've known hundreds of good people in my life... it doesnt' mean I want ALL of them as an integral part of my life. It doesn't mean they aren't good people. They just aren't right for me. So don't beat yourself up over it. You realized something wasn't right, and you ended it. I suppose you could've waited until you were so fed up that you made his life a living hell, but what would that have solved? It's better to cut it short and allow the other person to find someone who will be happy with them, then to selfishly keep them for yourself based solely on the fact that you think it's as good as it's gonna get. You're settling at that point. You did the right thing.
Shyguy86 Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 You're 18 and you broke up with your boyfriend because you didn't feel attracted to him anymore. Sounds pretty damn right to me! Don't beat yourself up, you did the right thing.
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