hes so much more relaxed than me...and whats this deal with guys?

[Guest]

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 8 months now. We are at uni together, and in term time we are pretty inseperable. We live about 6 hours away from each other at home in the holidays, and this summer is the first long holiday we will be apart.

 

I understand that he does'nt get to see his friends from home apart from the holidays, but he gets OBSESSIVE with them when he is with them. I miss him dearly, i really do, but I convince myself that he forgets about me when hes with them (doesnt call, text etc). I'm 100% up for having seperate things going on in our lives, it would be unhealthy not to. I have my own friends, hobbies etc. But I don't understand why its such a big deal for him to give me a call and tell me hes thought of me, even if its for 5 mins.

 

I really try not to hassel him either, I dont want to interupt anything, but as soon as I call him he has to go, or says something like 'oh, if we talk to much we'll miss each other more'.. yeh right, like 2 minutes would make a difference. And I have tried explaining how I feel, but it turns into 'why does it matter if we dont talk' type conversation, even if I approach it really calmly and reasonably.

 

So I've laid off calling and texting him, but he still doesnt want to talk to me anymore than before. Rather than him thinking 'ah, I miss her, Il give her a quick buzz' I assume hes thinking 'ah, shes realised she needs to chill out'.

 

The thing is, I don't want to FORCE him to call me, as thats not from his heart. But at the same time, him not giving me a call gets me down. I keep myself busy, but I cant help but thinking, when Im lying in my bed alone, 'why could he jst WANT to speak to me'.

 

what can I do to forget about this?! any advice would be much appreciated.

[BareGoddess]

You're not going to change him. Two terms come to mind..."locker room boy" and "he's just not that into you."

 

Is he attentive towards you when you're at school? This may just be a sexual thing. That's my guess. He's just using you for sex. If that weren't the case, he'd be interested in talking to you and asking you what you've been up to, etc. He'd be telling you he misses you and he'd be calling you on a fairly regular basis.

 

I'd back away from him. I'm sure you can find someone who cares about you for more than just sex.

[Sally00]

I had a boyfriend who didn't seem to care to call me when he had the time. It annoyed me and I ended up breaking up with him after a little over a month.

 

 

Now I have a great boyfriend. One time, he didn't talk to me for a couple days or so. I was getting worried/upset. I don't know... but I told him that he said he was going to call me and it would atleast be nice to hear his voice and know he's doing fine. I didn't tell him, "LOOK.. YOU HAVE TO CALL ME EVERY FREAKING DAY." I just told him in a reasonable way... like you did. And... he listened to me. So now he calls me almost everyday just to see how everything is going. He lets me know I exist, which is a nice thing.

 

One time I said, "You don't have to call me." Then he brought up the conversation we had a long time ago saying that I wanted to see how everything was going with him that day... and calling me often would be kinda nice. He remembered. I didn't have to directly tell him to call me everyday. He knew what I was talking about. And he did what he thought would make me happy.

 

 

It seems like your guy doesn't really much care about your feelings. There's something called compromise.... and communication (which is what you did). And after 8 months, he should realize you're being honest and would just like to hear from him. This kind of behavior seems like something that happens within the first month or so... not 8 months...

[norajane]

Some guys just use the phone to make plans to see people or order food. Seriously, they don't want to hang on the phone talking with people. It's not a reflection of how he feels about you. It's not about you...that's why he can't understand why you need him to call you all the time...he just doesn't think that way.

 

Either you accept this aspect of his personality, or you continue to be sad and depressed about this. Either way, it's not likely he'll do anything to change his behavior since he can't understand 'why does it matter that you don't talk'. It's your call on which perspective to take.

[Agent M]

He may be into you, but he's more into himself. I played the same game with my ex, and did and thought the samne things you are. Then I got sick and tired of trying to gauge when he wanted to hear from me and when he didn't. I felt like I had to play games to be with him. I even went as far as to tell he him could leave me messages in the night if he wanted, when I was asleep. I wasn't willing to do all this guessing and gauging anymore, and I didn't feel wanted or loved after awhile. So I had to break it off. I'm still single but I have faith that I'll find someone who gives me more attention. If you think you can handle him this way, great, 'cause he probably won't change. If you can't and you don't leave, you may be in for more misery.

Good luck!!

[Sally00]

Some guys just use the phone to make plans to see people or order food. Seriously, they don't want to hang on the phone talking with people. It's not a reflection of how he feels about you. It's not about you...that's why he can't understand why you need him to call you all the time...he just doesn't think that way.

 

 

Some guys are weird like that. And I don't understand it. Calling their own girlfriend shouldn't be such a hassle for them.

 

I just got a call from my b/f an hour ago saying he's going to Walmart and just wanted to tell me that he loves me. God he's so sweet. And one minute ago, he called me again. He didn't make it seem hard either. Because it's not... and it shouldn't be.