billybobby Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 I've been talking to a girl for about 3 months. Nothing romantic yet, as I'm really just trying to get to know her. We have fun conversation, tease each other, and she has complimented me numerous times on looks, ambition, and other good things. All in all, I'm happy with the way it's progressing. Conversations are becoming deeper and touching on relationship issues. My only question is how much does she like me? Here is what confuses me. For awhile, she never mentioned another guy. then she made some vague references to a "friend" that was causing problems. Then it was an on again/off again guy. Then it became an ex that she still sort of sees. Point is, she very very rarely mentions this guy, but each time she does 1) she presents it as a non-committal kind of thing, and 2) she has never said a good word about him. The last time, she essentially said he's a douche bag, but she is still seeing him. lol So what motivates a woman to share such things? Why is she telling me this stuff, bitching about her dork of a boyfriend, acting like she is sort of available, but hanging on to the boy? She has almost told me, in not so many words, that I'm so much better than that guy....so is it time for me to make a move and be the man she wants?
jerbear Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 I believe you are now in the friend bucket; just like one of the girls unfortunately.
alphamale Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 you're totally wasting your time....find another woman.
tinktronik Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 I don't know if I agree with the advice on this one. Sounds like she can't be alone to me.She's hinting to you you that shes not happy in her current situation ,but wants a fall back before shes by herself. Either way it sounds like you should find a new girl.
alphamale Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 She's hinting to you you that shes not happy in her current situation ,but wants a fall back before shes by herself. Either way it sounds like you should find a new girl. no TINK....she will stay with her bad boy but she needs a "nice guy" sucker to vent all her stories to. See, that makes her feel better.
Guest Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 I've been talking to a girl for about 3 months. Nothing romantic yet, as I'm really just trying to get to know her. We have fun conversation, tease each other, and she has complimented me numerous times on looks, ambition, and other good things. All in all, I'm happy with the way it's progressing. Conversations are becoming deeper and touching on relationship issues. My only question is how much does she like me? Here is what confuses me. For awhile, she never mentioned another guy. then she made some vague references to a "friend" that was causing problems. Then it was an on again/off again guy. Then it became an ex that she still sort of sees. Point is, she very very rarely mentions this guy, but each time she does 1) she presents it as a non-committal kind of thing, and 2) she has never said a good word about him. The last time, she essentially said he's a douche bag, but she is still seeing him. lol So what motivates a woman to share such things? Why is she telling me this stuff, bitching about her dork of a boyfriend, acting like she is sort of available, but hanging on to the boy? She has almost told me, in not so many words, that I'm so much better than that guy....so is it time for me to make a move and be the man she wants? It sounds like your friend has certain amount of emotional baggage/ attachment from her past that's still obviously bothers and occupies her thinking. That's not good news right there for you. As a female myself, I garantee you'll regret getting into this relationship if you ever do.
Author billybobby Posted July 9, 2006 Author Posted July 9, 2006 I know exactly what you're saying, but I think you have me pegged wrong. Out of say, 50 conversations, this has come up maybe 4 times. I don't indulge in giving her advice or letting the conversation continue on that subject. I usually make fun of her or him, then move the conversation elsewhere. I've let her know I'm not a therapist.
LexiB Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 No...this other guy is not her boyfriend so she is single. You cant blame the girl for dating if she wants to, even if it is this "on again/off again" guy. You've been flirting for 3 months and from what you've said it seems she's been showing signs she likes you. You don't have to ask her out on a date but at the very least ask her out for something casual. I'm guessing that her bringing up this other guy all of a sudden is her way of letting you know that other guys do find her attractive and test your reaction to see if you care. In other words, she could be trying to size you up just as much as you are her. Take a chance.
alphamale Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 No...this other guy is not her boyfriend so she is single. . I beg to differ...
Author billybobby Posted July 9, 2006 Author Posted July 9, 2006 thx to all who have responded so far. It is interesting to see all the different perspectives. It's really hard to convey everything about a situation over the internet. A couple of things: 1) I've certainly thought about the friends ladder, but quite honestly I don't believe we know each other well enough for me to be the one she turns to for emotional support. 2) I think you're wrong about the emotional baggage. Been there, done that. I'm not even so sure that the guy is a "bad boy" so much as he is a wussy. In some exchanges, I get the feeling that I am actually the exciting, bad one. But she is a pretty well adjusted girl...works hard, helps others, and fun to talk to. I sort of get the feeling that she is ready for a MAN, but not quite secure enough to let go of the boy. I may be confusing her too, as I am unpredictable and cool when it comes to expressing romantic interest. In any event, keep sharing your thoughts!
alphamale Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 In any event, keep sharing your thoughts! ok BB...you want more detail? I will give it to you...here goes: I've been talking to a girl for about 3 months. Nothing romantic yet, as I'm really just trying to get to know her. That's bad...romance happens fairly quickly. My only question is how much does she like me? if she liked you romantically you would definitely know for sure because she would make it quite apparent. Here is what confuses me. For awhile, she never mentioned another guy. then she made some vague references to a "friend" that was causing problems. Then it was an on again/off again guy. Then it became an ex that she still sort of sees. if she was interested in you BB then she would NEVER, EVER mention any other guy. Point is, she very very rarely mentions this guy, but each time she does 1) she presents it as a non-committal kind of thing, and 2) she has never said a good word about him. The last time, she essentially said he's a douche bag, but she is still seeing him. lol because she's in love with him and he won't commit to her and is playing hard to get. he is being a challenge. she wants him, and badly. So what motivates a woman to share such things? Why is she telling me this stuff, bitching about her dork of a boyfriend, acting like she is sort of available, but hanging on to the boy? women love to talk about their problems and you are a willing listener...she's only venting.
Author billybobby Posted July 9, 2006 Author Posted July 9, 2006 congratulations, alphamale...I know how to read seduction websites too. Maybe you can teach me how to be "Cocky & Funny" too? Btw, does a true alpha male need to label himself, or does he just naturally exude alpha male traits? Thanks for the canned answers though...Romance does happen quickly sometimes, and others it doesn't. Two of the best and longest relationships I've had evolved over quite a long period of time. Tons of women are afraid to show their interest in men...women fear rejection too. Of course, you are almost 20 years older than me and still in the dating game...but hey, thanks anyway.
pricillia Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 ok BB...you want more detail? I will give it to you...here goes: That's bad...romance happens fairly quickly. if she liked you romantically you would definitely know for sure because she would make it quite apparent. if she was interested in you BB then she would NEVER, EVER mention any other guy. because she's in love with him and he won't commit to her and is playing hard to get. he is being a challenge. she wants him, and badly. women love to talk about their problems and you are a willing listener...she's only venting. I think that romance does not always happen quickly, sometimes the best thing is to let something simmer so to speak. I think that a physical attraction may be instant but romance on the other hand is much different. The more you let things play out the more exciting things are, I thing that the original poster should and is keeping an open mind, don't dismiss her just yet. Relationships are messy and sometimes it is hard to let someone go even if they are not the right person for you. It does seem though that she does not want to let him go, or maybe she is just laying down the law with you so you know what she will allow in her relationship with you. It does sound like he is hurting her and she may be afraid to get into another relationship. Not everything is black and white! Freinds can turn into lovers
pricillia Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 also alphamale, yes women like to talk about thier problems but not all women. I never talk about my problems to someone I am dating, may slightly but that is what my friends and family are for.
Author billybobby Posted July 9, 2006 Author Posted July 9, 2006 I think that a physical attraction may be instant but romance on the other hand is much different. I agree. I think alphamale is coming from a pickup artists point of view. Find em, f em, and find another one...as fast as possible. I've read almost verbatim the same advice on popular "seduction" websites. I'm not into that game. I've had quite a few girls fall for me in a gradual process...it was hot too. They kept getting to know me and falling more and more. Very romantic. Like you said, nothing is black and white, ESPECIALLY relationships.
gfto Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 Billy, You've probably already been sentenced to life in the friends zone with this girl, because you made the massive blunder of chit-chatting and flirting with this girl instead of ASKING HER ON A DATE!!!! Flirting is absolutely meaningless. Any woman can flirt with a guy. It's probably way too late, but I suppose there's no harm is asking her on a date. But, if she gives you anything other than a quick, enthusiastic "yes," then forget about her.
pricillia Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 I agree. I think alphamale is coming from a pickup artists point of view. Find em, f em, and find another one...as fast as possible. I've read almost verbatim the same advice on popular "seduction" websites. I'm not into that game. I've had quite a few girls fall for me in a gradual process...it was hot too. They kept getting to know me and falling more and more. Very romantic. Like you said, nothing is black and white, ESPECIALLY relationships. yes alpha males "romance manual" only goes so far! Just think of this relationship as either something you heat up in a microwave that gets cold really quickly (alphamales way) or Something that you cook on the stove, let simmer and let all the flavors come out! (to make something taste great it takes time)
alphamale Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 I've had quite a few girls fall for me in a gradual process...it was hot too. They kept getting to know me and falling more and more. Very romantic. Well then BILLY_BOBBY...if you're already the expert then you can answer your own questions.
Author billybobby Posted July 11, 2006 Author Posted July 11, 2006 Billy, why haven't you just asked her on a date? Logistics...we're from the same area but go to different colleges. I suggested doing something together once and she seemed very interested, but we've just never been in the same place at the right time.
Author billybobby Posted July 11, 2006 Author Posted July 11, 2006 I hope you at least ask her out for lunch today... I'm really not trying to get with her at the moment...I'm a few years older (not much, but a few) so I feel she has some growing up to do. It will do me no good to try to steal her away before she is ready. I know she has feelings for the guy, but I don't believe he can hold her forever. He's screwed up too many times already, and eventually she won't give him more chances...or she'll be a miserable woman. She is at a transition stage in her life and quite honestly I don't want to be involved with any woman who is transitioning...lol. I've seen enough girls like her in my day to know how these on again/off again things typically go. I'm seeing other girls myself, but this just happens to be one I might settle on if the opportunity presents itself. I was mainly wanting to see what the ladies thought about her behavior...several girls I know have read her e-mails and they all think she's very interested in me. My opinion is that she is hung up with the same old same old and afraid to let go for whatever reasons. I think she sees other options and is either too afraid to take the chance or just doesn't have her priorities mapped out yet. The pickup artist would say that this is a typical girl hung up on a bad boy and she doesn't know why she feels ATTRACTION for him..and there could be some truth to that. Some women never get out of bad boy mode, but a lot of them do. Still, she hasn't talked about this guy like he's really a "bad boy"...and I'm just a little devilish myself.
alphamale Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 He's screwed up too many times already, and eventually she won't give him more chances...or she'll be a miserable woman. Some people like to be miserable BB...
Author billybobby Posted July 11, 2006 Author Posted July 11, 2006 Some people like to be miserable BB... no arguments there, my man. Just as some people get sick of it and decide to do better for themselves.
gfto Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 I'm really not trying to get with her at the moment...I'm a few years older (not much, but a few) so I feel she has some growing up to do. It will do me no good to try to steal her away before she is ready. I know she has feelings for the guy, but I don't believe he can hold her forever. He's screwed up too many times already, and eventually she won't give him more chances...or she'll be a miserable woman. She is at a transition stage in her life and quite honestly I don't want to be involved with any woman who is transitioning...lol. I've seen enough girls like her in my day to know how these on again/off again things typically go. I'm confused. You either want this girl or you don't. If you do, there's only one way to find out if she's interested. (and, your female acquaintences' interpretations of her e-mails are totally meaningless). You have to ask her on a date. It goes like this.... BB: Hey, let's go to that new Mexican restaurant for dinner Thursday night, then go dancing. Girl: Sure, that sounds like fun. BB: Cool, I'll pick you up at 7:00. (she might be interested) or..... BB: Hey, let's go to that new Mexican restaurant for dinner Thursday night, then go dancing. Girl: (uncomfortable pause)...um....maybe we could try that sometime. I've got a million things to do over the next week. (she isn't interested at all) Asking a girl on a date is the only way to find out if she likes you. In essence, you're forcing her to show her hand. If she accepts the date, actually shows up, and kisses you goodnight, then she might well be interested in you. Anything less, and you're wasting your time. See how easy this is?
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