Guest Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 My question is regarding erectile dysfunction & can it cause a man to avoid having sex w/his gf? My bf of 2 mths & I have had sex twice & both times he couldn't maintain an erection & I don't think he climaxed the last time. I did both times by self masturbation during sex (I need both to orgasim) & he seemed turned on by it but maybe me doing that makes him feel imcopentant or something? I'm just starting to worry because the last few times I've seen him, he just doesn't seem interested in having sex w/me. I've tried kissing & rubbing myself up against him & making verbal references, we'll start to make out & then he just stops & proceeds to cuddle w/me instead. I only see him a couple times during the week, we both have different work schedules but still talk on the phone everyday, sometimes 2-3 times a day which is good but I've never experianced this before, any RL I've ever been in we were doing it like rabbits in the beginning, this is the complete opposite. Anyone been in this type of situation or have any insight as to his lack of sexual desire w/me? I'm a very attractive girl but I don't think he's intimidated by that & the times we have had sex or fooled around have been incredibly hot, I just don't understand why he doesnt want to have sex w/me?
SoleMate Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 Yes, I think it is very likely that performance anxiety about his erection is causing him to shy away from sex. "New partner anxiety" is common. Usually it resolves itself, but in some cases, depending on individual reactions of both partners, the couple may have difficulty getting over that speed bump. You could get cuddly with him in a private place, make it clear that you are not trying for sex at this time (important), let him know how immensely attractive and desirable you find him, and ask him if there is anything you can do to make sex feel more comfortable for both of you.
gabelee Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 Is he very young? My first thought was he may have a same-sex orientation and is trying hard to "prove" his heterosexuality but "failing." Have you ever had this suspicion? Please don't take "offense" at my comment. You may not wish to bring the subject up with him, but at least keep that possibility open in your own mind. There may be other "signs" if this really is the case. Male teens especially may meet with overwhelming social pressure to sleep with women although their primary preference is for other men. Just a thought. Best of luck!
Guest Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 Is he very young? My first thought was he may have a same-sex orientation and is trying hard to "prove" his heterosexuality but "failing." Have you ever had this suspicion? Please don't take "offense" at my comment. You may not wish to bring the subject up with him, but at least keep that possibility open in your own mind. There may be other "signs" if this really is the case. Male teens especially may meet with overwhelming social pressure to sleep with women although their primary preference is for other men. Just a thought. Best of luck! He's 28 and I don't see any signs that would lead me to believe he was gay...But in this day & age, one never knows but I am sure it's not that. Either its due to performance anxieties, I'm just not doing it for him, or he's getting it from someone else because at this point I just don't know being we have not had sex in the past couple of weeks. Obviously I am going to bring it up to him, I'm just trying to find out how I should go about it & what things I should/should not say.
Hitman10000 Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 Let me tell you something, when I anticipate having sex with a girl for the first time, or the first dozen times, my penis is very hard and erect because I am getting some fresh poontang. You claim performance anxiety. No, that may be so AFTER those first dozen times AND if he is stressed out over some latest thing such as new job, new apartment move, big car accident, etc. So let's get this "performance anxiety" myth out of the way and get this in the way. I know this to be true when my peenor is not erect, it usually happens if I am not attracted to the girl. This happened about one day when I was thinking deeply about life with one of my ex- girlfriend after 3 mo when the fluff wore off all I saw was me boinking a fat girl who I wasn't flattered with her body and it just popped in my head that I was with her because I wanted to see what it was like being a girl larger than me after boinking several skinny girlfriends. Needless to say I went back to skinny girls as it fit my physical type. A guy that stops making out and proceeds on cuddling = Gay/Not attracted to you A guy that stops making out and starts playing stuff the sausage with you = Straight A guy that talks to you on the phone or makes contact with you once a day or every couple days = Straight A guy that talks to you the phone every day or makes contact with you every day = Gay/Pretending to be attracted to you. So let's come to a list of reasons shall we as to why he is not a jack rabbit when it comes to having sex with you: 1. He is not attracted to you but doesn't know how to break it off. 2. He is gay 3. He could be having performance anxiety due to stress (you know him, you should know if he's having a lot of stress in his life - but you know when I am getting a new job or moving to a new apartment I still want to slam my meat pole down some attractive warm pie for you know 10-15 min as a way to relieve that stress)
Walk Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 Has he seen a doctor about this? Probably haven't discussed it I'm assuming... There could be a medical reason. Combine it with anxiety over poor performance and he'd lose any erection he was able to get. Not sure your thoughts on not talking to him about it are the best course of action. Go with your gut though. But if you found yourself in a position to open a non-threatening conversation with him about this, then I would attempt to talk to him. If he doesnt' feel judged, it might help him deal with this more positively instead of hiding from it.
Sonic_chaos Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 Has someone ever thought that sometimes, relationships arent all about sex? I probably shouldnt turn this around into my problems but i have the complete opposite. I get too excited too fast and the flood gates open, but i really put sex off for as long as possible for that reason with any of the girlfriends ive had.. But its not all about sex for me. Maybe its just me, but im not a person that says i love you, 3 dates in to a realtionship, i wanna mean it and tell the person the truth, that i do actually love them. It may be just nervous getting the better of him, could be he doesnt feel attractive in himself, ie like self confidence thing. All them things could contribute.. If you think you like *or love* him then give it time, sit down and talk to him about it. Not "why do you not want sex with me?" more, if your having probs saying up, what could i do to help you?
Guest Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 Has someone ever thought that sometimes, relationships arent all about sex? QUOTE] Yes I see what your saying but I also tend to agree to what Hitman pointed out, especially being that my bf came on very strong in the beginning & had no qualms about us sleeping together & whether or not he could fully perform. Granted, each person is different & you sometimes have to look at these things on a case by case basis & I certainly don't think its a matter of him being gay or not attracted to me because there is nothing wrong w/me physically, weight wise, etc., so I don't think that's it. I just don't know how to approach this w/him because we havent seen see each other that much in the past couple weeks so I havent really had the opportunity to talk to him about it, which also worries me because I kinda feel like he's pulling away from me now & I don't know if I should let him pull away & just be patient, if I should say something now before its too late or take it as he's just not that interested in me anymore.
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