gabelee Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 Looking back on my years of dating, I am only now beginning to see the pattern. Why I could not see it earlier, I can't say. But I see it now. Why do I get into relationships with people I am not wholly attracted to? It seems I've always experienced two scenarios in the dating scene: meeting people to whom I am physically attracted, but who are not as physically attracted to me; and meeting and dating people who are attracted to me but to whom I am not as physically attracted. My rationale has been: it's the inside that's important, not the outside. So I have dated people with great "insides," but have never fallen in love, usually because I was left **sexually** unsatisfied. One exception: I had a 2-month relationship last year with someone who matched my sexual ideal, but while they dated me, they did not find me quite as sexually attractive and so I became a bit neurotic, and when we broke up I was in pain for several months afterward-- Last Friday it all finally hit me. I was at a club, just mingling and having a good time talking with people. (This was after a 4 month period of celibacy). I had early on made a mental note that I was **not** particularly attracted to a certain bartender who has been flirting with me on and off for about two years. But feeling lonely, this time I forgot my mental note and asked the person out to dinner this Thursday evening. About an hour later, I met someone at the same bar to whom I was much more attracted --and who also seems to have a nice personality. But I was in a fix because I had already made the date with the bartender. Of course, I also worry that the second person, even if we eventually end up dating, might not be as interested as me. The person's probably too young and attractive for me. I now sort of realize that I should not be with either bartender or hot-patootie, that I need to just wait until I find that "right match." I know that "perfect match" may never happen, though... So what's a person to do? I have this date with the bartender now on Thursday. I could sleep with him, but long-term probably would not be an option for me. I'm not sure exactly how the bartender feels, or how many people he sleeps with per month--(maybe lots!) This bartender knows everybody and if I piss the person off, my good cred will suffer. I have been making big improvements in self-esteem lately, which may be why I am now becoming more conscious of my past and present dating pattern. So my question is: how do I know when to enter into a relationship? What rule of thumb is there? Any advice? I believe I have learned a lesson this past weekend. I want to be wholly in love, emotionally **and** physically. How do I get myself out of this mess 1) in particular this Thursday and 2) in general, for the remainder of my dating life? Any suggs will be greatly appreciated.
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