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Posted

Arg.

 

Admittedly, I bring this on myself.

 

Hung at a friends tonight. Went to go home, and in a moment of weakness decided I'd buzz my exbf's friend's bf's apt down the street and see if my ex's car was there. There was, really, no reason at all he should be there. And yet the urge called me, and though I've avoided every other temptation (I don't call, email, IM, or buzz HIS apt which is also near me) I gave into this. I am an idiot.

 

OF COURSE his car was there. Not even on the side street the apt was on, which I had almost convinced myself not to turn down (because again I told myself there was no reason for him to be there), but rather right on the corner where I couldn't miss it.

 

NOT f***IN FAIR!

 

I've ranted endlessly about this girl before, but this continues to burn me. She's his best friend now, despite the fact that their friendship became a major wedge between us (something he still refuses to acknowledge- even if he never saw it like that, the fact that my feelings were never validated in any manner at all has been one of the worst parts of this). Despite the fact that she treats her on/off bf like a toy, leaving and coming back at a whim. AND I happen to know that she's skimming the razor's edge on leaving/cheating on her bf. AGAIN. (If I had a dollar for every time I'd be a rich woman) My ex probably had not a clue to this of course, because guys are so damn oblivious as long as you give them the proper smiles and laugh at their jokes.

 

I should also mention again that he's dropped all of our other mutual friends, people he had known and been close with for YEARS before this witch, and who would have moved bodies for him had he asked. I suppose the only solace I have is that he was at the bf's apt, not hers.

 

So the moral of the story, to me anyways, is that you can be loyal, trustworthy, honest and dedicated, and get dropped for no reason. However if you're manipulative and deceitful, you're golden, as long as you act like Mary Sunshine all the time (or are at least medicated enough to do so, as in this case).

 

Guys- don't be idiots. Don't be oblivious. Recognize a snake when you see one. No matter how a girl treats you, whether she's a friend or a gf, pay careful attention to how she treats everyone else in her life as well, in the past, in the present, and in the future. A snake will always be a snake, no matter how nice she slithers.

Posted
A snake will always be a snake, no matter how nice she slithers.

 

:D :D :D Well-put!

 

It sounds like your ex is pretty much all about him. You don't need someone who can't validate your feelings.

 

But I'm beginning to wonder if your x isn't the norm in men. They seem oblivious to others unless the others are referring to them in some way, which means it isn't about the other, of course, as much as it is about them.

 

And yes, I'm pissed at my H right now. :mad: :mad: So I'll join your rant, KM, if you don't mind. (Sorry for the sexism, guys. Present company excluded.:o )

Posted
Arg.

 

Admittedly, I bring this on myself.

 

Ahhh... nothing beats beating up on oneself.

 

Hung at a friends tonight. Went to go home, and in a moment of weakness decided I'd buzz my exbf's friend's bf's apt down the street and see if my ex's car was there. There was, really, no reason at all he should be there. And yet the urge called me, and though I've avoided every other temptation (I don't call, email, IM, or buzz HIS apt which is also near me) I gave into this. I am an idiot.

 

You are an idiot. See - I'm validating your feelings.

 

OF COURSE his car was there. Not even on the side street the apt was on, which I had almost convinced myself not to turn down (because again I told myself there was no reason for him to be there), but rather right on the corner where I couldn't miss it.

 

NOT f***IN FAIR!

 

Irrelevant. Sorry, this is a rant. Sorry. Carry on.

 

I've ranted endlessly about this girl before, but this continues to burn me. She's his best friend now, despite the fact that their friendship became a major wedge between us (something he still refuses to acknowledge- even if he never saw it like that, the fact that my feelings were never validated in any manner at all has been one of the worst parts of this). Despite the fact that she treats her on/off bf like a toy, leaving and coming back at a whim. AND I happen to know that she's skimming the razor's edge on leaving/cheating on her bf. AGAIN. (If I had a dollar for every time I'd be a rich woman) My ex probably had not a clue to this of course, because guys are so damn oblivious as long as you give them the proper smiles and laugh at their jokes.

 

Didn't you smile, and laugh at his jokes? Surely you're not giving her credit for your breakup? And does that mean she did you a favour?

 

I should also mention again that he's dropped all of our other mutual friends, people he had known and been close with for YEARS before this witch, and who would have moved bodies for him had he asked. I suppose the only solace I have is that he was at the bf's apt, not hers.

 

That's nice. It makes life even easier for you now.

 

So the moral of the story, to me anyways, is that you can be loyal, trustworthy, honest and dedicated, and get dropped for no reason. However if you're manipulative and deceitful, you're golden, as long as you act like Mary Sunshine all the time (or are at least medicated enough to do so, as in this case).

 

The moral of the story is that if you are loyal, trustworthy, honest, and dedicated, then look for those same traits in a partner.

 

Guys- don't be idiots. Don't be oblivious. Recognize a snake when you see one. No matter how a girl treats you, whether she's a friend or a gf, pay careful attention to how she treats everyone else in her life as well, in the past, in the present, and in the future. A snake will always be a snake, no matter how nice she slithers.

 

Do you pass the snake test?

Posted
Arg.

 

Admittedly, I bring this on myself.

 

Hung at a friends tonight. Went to go home, and in a moment of weakness decided I'd buzz my exbf's friend's bf's apt down the street and see if my ex's car was there. There was, really, no reason at all he should be there. And yet the urge called me, and though I've avoided every other temptation (I don't call, email, IM, or buzz HIS apt which is also near me) I gave into this. I am an idiot.

 

OF COURSE his car was there. Not even on the side street the apt was on, which I had almost convinced myself not to turn down (because again I told myself there was no reason for him to be there), but rather right on the corner where I couldn't miss it.

 

NOT f***IN FAIR!

 

I've ranted endlessly about this girl before, but this continues to burn me. She's his best friend now, despite the fact that their friendship became a major wedge between us (something he still refuses to acknowledge- even if he never saw it like that, the fact that my feelings were never validated in any manner at all has been one of the worst parts of this). Despite the fact that she treats her on/off bf like a toy, leaving and coming back at a whim. AND I happen to know that she's skimming the razor's edge on leaving/cheating on her bf. AGAIN. (If I had a dollar for every time I'd be a rich woman) My ex probably had not a clue to this of course, because guys are so damn oblivious as long as you give them the proper smiles and laugh at their jokes.

 

I should also mention again that he's dropped all of our other mutual friends, people he had known and been close with for YEARS before this witch, and who would have moved bodies for him had he asked. I suppose the only solace I have is that he was at the bf's apt, not hers.

 

So the moral of the story, to me anyways, is that you can be loyal, trustworthy, honest and dedicated, and get dropped for no reason. However if you're manipulative and deceitful, you're golden, as long as you act like Mary Sunshine all the time (or are at least medicated enough to do so, as in this case).

 

Guys- don't be idiots. Don't be oblivious. Recognize a snake when you see one. No matter how a girl treats you, whether she's a friend or a gf, pay careful attention to how she treats everyone else in her life as well, in the past, in the present, and in the future. A snake will always be a snake, no matter how nice she slithers.

 

 

KM, I know you are sweet person. So why on earth are you doing this to yourself... grabbing bits of totally unnecessary info of your ex....rinse this dude out of your life. You are beating yourself up because with still finding out what's going on in his life. Cut any bizness about him who he choses to hang out with or what he does... out of your life.

You are like torturing yourself otherwise...he is history. You're not an idiot, you are human... and vulnerable.. so respect that and nix these impulses to find out what he's up to...it does nothing to make you feel better.

Posted
Admittedly, I bring this on myself.

 

Hung at a friends tonight. Went to go home, and in a moment of weakness decided I'd buzz my exbf's friend's bf's apt down the street and see if my ex's car was there.

we have never heard his side of your story KM but your obsessiveness lead me to question your behaviour in the relationship... this is bordering on insanity if you'll pardon the straight forwardness.

Posted

I wouldnt invest any more energy into this. Focus on letting it go and getting on with your life. Sounds like he did you a favor by endind things. Why would you want to end up with a creep like that anyway?

 

My Ex disrespected me. It went down like a 1-2-3 knockout punch. After 6 months of dating... without warning..

 

1. I get stood up (Without an explanation the next day)

2. I get dumped over the phone, and at the office to top it off

3. No explanation offered.. EVER. I get the lovely "Its not you its me speech"

 

I feel disrespected. I feel mistreated. The fact that I have to work with this woman now makes me want to throw up.

 

But I have enough respect & dignity for myself that I have absolutely no desire to drive by her house, call her, email her, what ever.

 

So should you. Be glad hes out of your life and the relationship didnt go any further. He did you a favor in the long run!! Believe it.

Posted

KM, I have to agree with the other here. Keeping tabs on the ex will only hurt you! It's pointless to check up as YOU will only get a sliver of the truth based on observations. Black and white thinking is one of the worste things you can do. I.E. speculation on what your ex is doing, who he is seeing, how much fun he is having etc... I was wanting to stay in contact with my ex for a bit too. I was hoping to keep the friendship but found out the only reason the ex wanted to stay in contact was to get stuff from me. Uggg.. it didn't help and just made me feel used. Now I don't even want to talk to her. I guess, that is what happens when you don't stick to NC :)

 

Stay strong!!

Posted

KM, there's an additional reason, aside from the obvious points we've all pointed out, for you abandoning finding out info on the ex...there's the chance the same person(s) who provide you details are letting your ex know you are still checking up on his coming and goings...this is only feeding his ego and it could begin to bother him. I don't know if you two have left things amiably but he may think you are getting obsessive. you'll get through this bit.

Posted
Arg.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

 

So the moral of the story, to me anyways, is that you can be loyal, trustworthy, honest and dedicated, and get dropped for no reason. However if you're manipulative and deceitful, you're golden, as long as you act like Mary Sunshine all the time (or are at least medicated enough to do so, as in this case).

 

Guys- don't be idiots. Don't be oblivious. Recognize a snake when you see one. No matter how a girl treats you, whether she's a friend or a gf, pay careful attention to how she treats everyone else in her life as well, in the past, in the present, and in the future. A snake will always be a snake, no matter how nice she slithers.

 

 

It really sucks to see the other girls car there ( or vice versa ) and my " friend" was medaling in my now ex's life and now there together so I know how you feel..they know what they want and will take the perfect opportunity when you guys break up, but you know what someone like that will soon get whats coming to them, there not going to live happily ever after? life isn't about that.

  • Author
Posted

I know I sound crazy. I'm just so angry. It is very hard to see someone so deceptive get to have MY BEST FRIEND after we were together 6.5 years. After years of him acting like I was everything to him, the woman he wanted to be his wife. After I have NEVER been anything BUT honest, trustworthy. I don't lie. I don't decieve. I just DON'T. I don't need to. But I'm beginning to think I might be better off to start.

 

Is she the cause of the breakup? No, not really. Not directly. But it's like getting a little scratch and it getting infected by some icky bacteria that ends up killing you. She was the scratch that let the infection in.

 

I really wish he would just acknowledge how I felt. Say "I'm sorry I blew off your concerns time after time, I didn't realize how angry it would eventually make you, how it would snowball and lead you to push me away, aggravate other issues, and what impact it would have on our relationship". But of course, I might as well wish for snow in July.

 

And don't worry, I dont get my info about her through gossip, etc. No one's going to find out I know anything- and in reality I stumbled up on it accidentally. I don't even talk about it anywhere else but here, which is why i need to vent. It really hurts still. I don't talk about this stuff anymore to my friends, only to my mom, and my therapist.

 

I really just hate toxic people. I've been hurt too many times by people with the same attitudes/mannerisms as this girl. But this is the first time I really lost something special to me because of it.

  • Author
Posted
we have never heard his side of your story KM but your obsessiveness lead me to question your behaviour in the relationship... this is bordering on insanity if you'll pardon the straight forwardness.

 

I haven't initiated any calls, emails, IMs, anything in many months. He has initiated any contact we have had. I avoid his street. I avoid places I know he'll be. We live 3 min apart and I have done a gold star job of avoiding him. I have NO idea what possessed me to do this last night. The urge to do it has presented itself before, but I've never followed it. WHY last night would I give in? And WHY, of all the nights and all the times I DIDN'T do this, would he actually be there.

 

Oh, and I'd like to hear his side of the story as much as anyone else would. Even the people who know him best have been confused by his recent behaviors and actions.

Posted
I have NO idea what possessed me to do this last night.

were you drinking or drunk by any chance?

  • Author
Posted
It really sucks to see the other girls car there ( or vice versa ) and my " friend" was medaling in my now ex's life and now there together so I know how you feel..they know what they want and will take the perfect opportunity when you guys break up, but you know what someone like that will soon get whats coming to them, there not going to live happily ever after? life isn't about that.

 

They're not together. She's got a bf and another guy on a string as well. She just enjoys having a bunch of platonic lap dogs to give her attention as well.

 

You ever know those girls who can't for the life of them keep a meaningful friendship with a female, but they are constantly surrounded by all manners of male friends? She's one of them.

  • Author
Posted
were you drinking or drunk by any chance?

 

I had had a deep fried twinkie sundae with choc ice cream and hot fudge a few hours before.....

 

but no. No alcohol.

Posted
I really just hate toxic people. I've been hurt too many times by people with the same attitudes/mannerisms as this girl. But this is the first time I really lost something special to me because of it.

 

Ummm... no. You can't blame her.

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Posted
Ummm... no. You can't blame her.

 

No, but I can blame him for being an idiot and HATE her for being a manipulative cvnt.

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Posted

Just want to point out that I know I have to deal with this... just not sure how. A baseball bat to one or both of their faces would make me happy... but there's that wholes sticky "assault" thing.

Posted
Just want to point out that I know I have to deal with this... just not sure how. A baseball bat to one or both of their faces would make me happy... but there's that wholes sticky "assault" thing.

 

But I thought you still love him? Is this what they call "tough love?" :love::bunny:

  • Author
Posted
But I thought you still love him? Is this what they call "tough love?" :love::bunny:

 

I like things a bit rough. :lmao: It's one of my more attractive qualities when there's no anger attached to it.

Posted

They say that "women's enemy is other women." Two women competing over one guy. He must be loving it.

But honestly now, can you say you were not having any problems in your relationship before your friend came into the picture? Your rage is understandable, but at the same time (I'm just guessing here) it may also be clouding up your present perception about the status of your relationship prior to all these new developments. I've never heard of a case where two people were so much in love and then it all ended suddenly without any warning signs. Can it really work like that?

If you have been honest and good, then you can rest peacefully on your conscience. Now he, on the other hand, can't. If he mistreated you, someday he'll feel the regret for his action in his soul. It's karma, lady. And it's pretty powerful stuff.

Don't ever lose your honesty and integrity--not because you need to get a slew of men like the bimbette, but because the wonderful man you will eventually marry and the children you have with him will cherish and respect you for those very qualities. Just you wait!:D

  • Author
Posted
They say that "women's enemy is other women." Two women competing over one guy. He must be loving it.

 

There's no competition at all. Though I've responded to his contacts, otherwise I've kept myself at a distance. And her attentions to him aren't of the romantic side (she's got plenty of others guys for that). She's just an attention whore. An "everybody pay attention to ME" type. It almost used to be humourous, the way she'd work into a conversation whatever desperate schmoe was pursuing her. One of her Guys-on-a-String, she strung along about half a year ago for weeks, talking to him every day, texting, flirting, etc until he confessed how much he liked her. It wasn't until THAT moment she chose to reveal she had a bf. Now he's back for more. I'm like, "Didn't you learn the FIRST time?" I swear having a penis makes you mildly retarded.

Posted
I really wish he would just acknowledge how I felt. Say "I'm sorry I blew off your concerns time after time, I didn't realize how angry it would eventually make you, how it would snowball and lead you to push me away, aggravate other issues, and what impact it would have on our relationship."

 

Men, take note: KM just said eloquently and succinctly what one thing you can do to tend your relationship with your SO so that she doesn't suddently go AWOL or ballistic on ya. LISTEN AND VALIDATE HER FEELINGS! It takes so little effort and the payoff is huge.

 

And yes, KM, in his case, it sounds like you might as well be asking for that July snow. Too bad for him that he can't recognize a good thing when he's got it in you.

 

And give yourself a break; you're mourning the loss of a significant relationship. It's a big loss. I think you're doing well, all things considered.

  • Author
Posted
Men, take note: KM just said eloquently and succinctly what one thing you can do to tend your relationship with your SO so that she doesn't suddently go AWOL or ballistic on ya. LISTEN AND

 

I'm gonna expand on this a bit too. Guys: BE CLEAR ON YOUR OWN PAINS.

 

I'm angry that my ex keeps bringing things up that hurt him YEARS ago, but that I'm only hearing about now. I almost broke up with him once, when he was going long distance for 6mos (we were still in college), and he keeps bringing up how it hurt him. He even said that's when our relationship started to go downhill. Um..... that was 3.5 years before our recent break up. We had oodles of happiness after that. More fun than prior, if you ask me. Including an awesome week I visited him while he was away. How can that be downhill? Why couldn't he just tell me THEN (or is he just scratching for anything to support his current decision...)

 

Now I have my own personal opinion of when things began to go down hill.. and it's a lot more recent.

 

Anways, I was crying last night because I remembered something that happened a long time ago. Not too long into our relationship (less than 6 months) I began going to frat parties with friends. He didn;t drink at all or party much. The first time I went, when I came back, he said to me how scared he was that someone would come back on our floor (the whole floor of the dorm was close) and tell him I was making out or something with some other guy. I was so sad he'd fell like that- he never asked me not togo or ro reassure him I wasn't going to do that. And I was hurt he would THINK I would do that when I was head over heels commited to him.

 

But just that memory still kills me to remember- I dont' even know how long its been since I last thought of that- many years. I remember how much we loved each other I guess. This sucks.

Posted
We had oodles of happiness after that.

 

Contrary to the rumoured properties of oodles, nothing can change the past.

 

Are you even TRYING to take your mind off things??!!

Posted
Men, take note: KM just said eloquently and succinctly what one thing you can do to tend your relationship with your SO so that she doesn't suddently go AWOL or ballistic on ya. LISTEN AND VALIDATE HER FEELINGS! It takes so little effort and the payoff is huge.

 

And yes, KM, in his case, it sounds like you might as well be asking for that July snow. Too bad for him that he can't recognize a good thing when he's got it in you.

 

And give yourself a break; you're mourning the loss of a significant relationship. It's a big loss. I think you're doing well, all things considered.

 

Ok im gonna bite the bullet here. I have to. What do you do if she says, your not listening to me? You are trying to. Men arent perfect. Im not perfect. I could go on for pages listing circumstances. Work was a nightmare, just bought a new house, ect... A lot of changes were going on in my life all at once. Not bad changes, good changes, but change isnt always easy either way. The complaints I was getting, though important, didnt seem relationship threatining. The really important ones I was working on, and thought I was doing ok, because those issues never came back up. Here are the list of complaints I got...

 

I don’t drive right

I don’t backup right

I don’t stand right

I don’t dress right

I don’t listen right

I don’t sweep my floors right

I don’t cut my nails right

I don’t sleep right

I don’t clean my house right

I don’t open doors for her right

I don’t kiss right

I don’t hold her hand right

I didn’t pick the right resturaunt…

I shouldnt fiddle with my Goatee

I picked the wrong resturaunt

... theres more but those are the basic ones..

 

 

Now take into consideration that these complaints started coming in after about 4 months of dating. I heard nothing about anything about these things before. They started trickiling in...

 

I could come up with my own list of complaints about her....

 

She fiddled with her hair to damn much.. (Still finding it after 2 months on my bathroom floor)

She was to caught up in her appearance

She complained to much (about everything)

She drank to much

She wanted to go out and get wasted at bars to much

She never wanted to do anything I wanted to do... Go to a movie, spend time at home ect...

She had to many rules

She was rigid and uptight sometimes

Shes to negative

Shes to judgemental

 

Most of these things I didnt mind. It was fun for a while actually. Bottom line, I think She wants some perfect reflection of herself, but only in a male form. Its like she places all these rules and regulations around herself, to keep people away on purpose. She claimed to offer me unconditional Love. Then I got a list of conditions I suddenly wasnt complying to. I think what went wrong, atleast in my situation goes a little deeper than I wasnt listening. Or maybe im just in denial

 

When you say he wasnt validating your feelings, he wasnt listening, and this is a serious question and yes Im taking notes, :) are some of these things I have listed what you had im mind? Or are you talking about deeper feelings?

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