My_Other_I Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 Here is a question. After what amount of dating time do you consider one another bf/gf? After what time do you discuss exclusivity? I won't call anyone my bf until at least several months of dating, and I was wondering what the general opinion/experience is? I've also read that you are not an item (as in bf/gf) before you hit the 6 month milestone, you are not in love before 1 year, and you do not love till 2 years or so later. That's a bit extreme, in my opinion. I agree that you are in lust for the first year or so, but that doesn't mean you cannot love, does it? I say love comes in many shapes and forms. What do ya all think?
jlsinphx Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 I think that a person's age and life experiences is more of a factor than anything when dealing with a timeframe. Love can happen in less than a year if both people know what love feels like. A bf/gf relationship can happen in less than 6 months also. I would say if both people talk about it and agree, 3 months is good. I guess I usually operate at about half the times you gave. But, when I was in my teens and young 20's, your timeline was about right.
Walk Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 I think 3 months for bf/gf. Mostly just to establish exclusivity. I think after 3 months I have a pretty good idea if I want them to remain in my life or not. I'd say after 6-8 months the lust aspect dies down and seems to develop into something a deeper. Two years seems like I always have problems in my relationships. Like it's some kind of turning point or something. Seems like both me and my SO re-evaluate the relationship, like whether its going to head toward marriage or not.
stoopid_guy Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 I don't thing time has anything to do with it. To me, it's when you both loose interest in others. If after two dates, you're not interested in dating someone else, I'd consider that bf/gf. If you've been dating on and off for five years, but are still looking for something better, that's not bf/gf.
j.carsey Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 I think you have to communicate and establish if you two are now exclusive and together. If you are exclusively together, and not even considering dating other people, then you are boyfriend/girlfriend. Bad things happen when two people are not on the same wavelength in this respect. This is so important to me that I discuss it straight out. I'd hate to be thinking of someone as my girlfriend while she is still considering other guys and letting men pick her up!
Stunner Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 I agree with J. Carsey, the gentleman I'm seeing currently I have only had two dates with so far but the chemistry and like character, interests and general views are so amazing that we have already discussed exclusivity. Before he and I met, I had two first dates over the previous week with other men. My interest in the new man was so overwhelming. Our first date the whole world disappeared except for the two of us. The second was even better. No fancy overly romantic dinners, just the two of us being comfortable with each other....It felt right. I then knew I had something, what exactly remains to be discovered, but time with him killed any interest I had in anyone else. There just isn't a firm timeline for me either.
Author My_Other_I Posted July 9, 2006 Author Posted July 9, 2006 I agree with J. Carsey, the gentleman I'm seeing currently I have only had two dates with so far but the chemistry and like character, interests and general views are so amazing that we have already discussed exclusivity. Before he and I met, I had two first dates over the previous week with other men. My interest in the new man was so overwhelming. Our first date the whole world disappeared except for the two of us. The second was even better. No fancy overly romantic dinners, just the two of us being comfortable with each other....It felt right. I then knew I had something, what exactly remains to be discovered, but time with him killed any interest I had in anyone else. There just isn't a firm timeline for me either. That's how I felt (feel). I have trust issues, so to me it's just too good to be true. I don't really care if he calls me his gf, it's just a label to me. What worries me is that things are moving too fast, we are too comfortable with each other, spend too much time together and it doesn't seem to be enough time, etc. I think that our coming 2 month separation is the key factor - we are trying to make up for the future It will be a good milestone to re-evaluate and see if what we feel is real.
Stunner Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 I agree with you...that break will be very telling. My man and I got together last night...another fantastic evening....a simple dinner and we went to his house, cuddled up on the couch and talked till after midnight...it is shocking how much we have in common and how we are in exactly the same place emotionally in our own lives. We made it clear to each other last night that this is definitely just the two of us....I told him after our first date I broke it off with the other two men I had a date with... He wasn't seeing anyone at the time he and I met but was glad to hear I felt the same way... So, I have a boyfriend!!! WhoHOO! Just enjoy it! What a great ride!
Author My_Other_I Posted July 11, 2006 Author Posted July 11, 2006 Yeah, it is a great ride! Now he's gone and it will be a while till we see each other again. All the doubts are already creeping in on me; what if this, what if that, blah blah Nothing I can do about, we will either be together or we won't. I have such a good feeling about this guy and I'd hate to loose him now. He's been treating me well, he is what I've learned about myself that I want from a guy. As of now, anyway. Sometimes I resent being a woman, all the thoughts and emotions are getting on my nerves. I'm off to the gym to work it off and stop obsessing about negative thoughts.
Sally00 Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 Well let's see. I was friends with my boyfriend for over a year before we started dating. Then we dated for 3 1/2 weeks, and then used the boyfriend/girlfriend titles on Valentine's day. So as of today, we've DATED for almost 6 months. And that stuff you read about.... I think that's complete bull. LOL. I don't know where you got that from. But they have no idea what they're talking about. My boyfriend and I have been in love for a while now. I knew he was the one since the first couple weeks we were officially together. I mean, I've been friends with this guy for a long time and I knew who he was. He wasn't just some random guy who came up to me because I'm so beautiful or what not just to get some. My boyfriend and I haven't even had sex yet. I plan on waiting till marriage. I felt like this switch turned on and I all of a sudden liked him back (he's liked me since before he even met me). We talk about marriage all the time... pretty much everytime we see each other. He's always asked me to marry him and I've always said yes. Who says you need a ring to be engaged?! Hahaha. We're not 100% officially engaged to where we start telling everyone and planning the wedding. We just talk about it. It'll happen after college. So, it IS possible to be in love with someone in less than a year... even WAY less than a year. But a lot of people throw the word "love" around... they don't even know what it means. And that's what kind of annoys me. But anyways, I just thought I'd share my story with you.
Recommended Posts