knottyone Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 In a bit of a pickle, so I would greatly appreciate any feedback... here i go- ive been with my bf for almost 8 months now. before this relationship i had been single for a year, and when i met my bf i was more than ready to just settle down and relax. About a month into my relationship I started working at a new job. I was introduced to a co-worker through a mutual friend and to be completely honest i was attracted to him from the moment i met him. we'll call him "temptation" or T for short. I knew I couldn't do anything about it, because I do care about my bf and i just met this guy, so I figured it was just a crush and it would fade. Seven months later, I am still crushin hard. I dont know what it is about him... everytime I see him I get this goofy smile, and when we hang out at work he gives me crazy butterflies and it feels like im in middle school all over again. we smoke together and a lil while back i told him i was goin to quit and he told me "aw, man. that was my excuse for chillin with you" This might've been the reason I relapsed jk Anywho... i've been feeling real confused lately. i love my boyfriend, but sometimes i really just dont know. If i did love him, why would i be crushin so hard on someone else? This tempation person has made me second-guess my relationship for some time now. What bothers me is that I dont even know if tempation feels anythin towards me. I dont want to ask him, because I dont want to scare him away and I dont want to make a fool out of myself. I dont want to end my relationship jus because I happen to be crushin on someone else, but then again i dont want to hurt my bf by staying with him and thinkin of someone else. can someone help a girl out here?
Author knottyone Posted July 8, 2006 Author Posted July 8, 2006 hello? is this thing on? is my situation un-helpable??
gfto Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 If i did love him, why would i be crushin so hard on someone else? "Love" is a vague term. You "love" your boyfriend. fine. What we're really dealing with here is your interest level in your boyfriend. I'm guessing it's not too high. If it was, then you wouldn't even be thinking about this co-worker.
Outcast Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 Love doesn't inoculate you against crushes. However, because you love someone, you avoid the people you have crushes on. You don't spend time with them, you don't hang out with them, and you let the crush die out. Otherwise you'll spend your whole life following one crush after another and never have a happy long-term relationship.
Author knottyone Posted July 8, 2006 Author Posted July 8, 2006 Love doesn't inoculate you against crushes. However, because you love someone, you avoid the people you have crushes on. You don't spend time with them, you don't hang out with them, and you let the crush die out. Otherwise you'll spend your whole life following one crush after another and never have a happy long-term relationship. It's hard to avoid someone I see at work everyday. I've tried to just forget about the whole thing, but everytime I see him- I wonder. How does someone know the difference between a simple crush and something more?
westernxer Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 How does someone know the difference between a simple crush and something more? Until you do actually do something, it's nothing more than a simple crush.
Author knottyone Posted July 8, 2006 Author Posted July 8, 2006 Until you do actually do something, it's nothing more than a simple crush. define "actually do something." I meant, how do you, personally, know when what you feel towards someone is just a crush or real actual feelings?
westernxer Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 define "actually do something." You know what I'm talking about.
Yamaha Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 Finding someone attractive is normal, even when you love someone else. You seem to be flattered by this co-workers attention and that could cause problems. The fact that you are posting on LS about a guy that is not your bf should make you realize that you have physical desires for this other man and if you want to continue with your bf you need to back off from him or you could get into an emotional affair leading to a physical one. You are in control of your actions but who you find attractive is usually out of your control. Desiring to be with this guy because it thrills you is a red flag. If you want your relationship with the bf to continue you need to be just co-workers with this other guy.
Guest Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 Finding someone attractive is normal, even when you love someone else. You seem to be flattered by this co-workers attention and that could cause problems. The fact that you are posting on LS about a guy that is not your bf should make you realize that you have physical desires for this other man and if you want to continue with your bf you need to back off from him or you could get into an emotional affair leading to a physical one. You are in control of your actions but who you find attractive is usually out of your control. Desiring to be with this guy because it thrills you is a red flag. If you want your relationship with the bf to continue you need to be just co-workers with this other guy. hey yamaha- I really appreciate the feedback. i guess i just gotta figure out what's really important to me. Thanks for the advice
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