BUTAFLY Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 My ex married his OW. Ok for those who don't know my story heres a breif recap. My ex was married about 5 yrs ago. Took on 2 mistress. OW #1 got pregnant the W found out and forgave. OW#2 comes along and he keeps her on the side - Wife finds out and divorces him. He gets engaged to OW #2. I come along on the job and we start dateing. He tells me he's divorced and single and is interested in me. We begin dateing after months of him pursuing and flirting. Almost 10 into relationship I find out he is engaged and the wedding is the following week. Ok thats the history. He's been married to OW#2 for a yr now. I still see him at work and after months of NC our relationship is very platonic, work related, shoot the breeze type of stuff. Well out of the blue he tells me he is depressed. I ask of his july 4th. he tells me they don't enjoy activites together. She does her thing, I do my thing. Then tells me how much fun we had together
target-d Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 and you are posting this - why?? hopefully not because you're interested. . .
Author BUTAFLY Posted July 8, 2006 Author Posted July 8, 2006 no...sorry wasnt finished but had to send it or lose all I wrote. The point was does it work? could it work?, starting a relationship under such distress and deception? or is it doomed from the start. OR perhaps he was lying and looking to see if I would take the bait to make me his OW #3.. again?
SoleMate Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 ...perhaps he was lying and looking to see if I would take the bait to make me his OW #3.. again? That's the only realistic possibility. To keep cycling through OW at this rate, he needs to keep his game up and play it every chance he gets. With every possible female. You and others. The difference with you is that you're a known quantity and thus potentially a lot easier...
Author BUTAFLY Posted July 8, 2006 Author Posted July 8, 2006 That's the only realistic possibility. To keep cycling through OW at this rate, he needs to keep his game up and play it every chance he gets. With every possible female. You and others. The difference with you is that you're a known quantity and thus potentially a lot easier... I supose your right, coming from him it's just another lie. I don't know why I would think otherwise. I guess i feel since the cat is out of the bag, so to speak, he wouldn't feel the need to keep lying to me because I know what a peice of trash he can be . To confess on some level my heart smiled when he said what he did. Just because I don't know if the M could work and really curious to see if it does. If so they have beaten all the odds.
silktricks Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 understandably your heart smiled, but don't forget that the man is a player. Take care of yourself.
My_Other_I Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 I hope you see exactly why he is your ex. I see a bit of a pattern in his behavior? Perhpas? He is telling you that because he is loosing one of his sheep and looking for replacement. I'd tell him to save his drama for his mamma and to go hunting elsewhere. I'm happy for you to have been out of that bulls***.
Author BUTAFLY Posted July 8, 2006 Author Posted July 8, 2006 I'd tell him to save his drama for his mamma and to go hunting elsewhere. Thats too funny:lmao: ..I will the next time he comes around spitting that bull again.
Sami_D Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 BUTAFLY, don't fall for it. He's nothing but a player, and only ever will be. Leave him to make a disaster of his own life, and get on with yours. You would never have a moment's happiness with him. He has no idea how to be satisfied.
consternation Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 He sounds like a twat. Have you been dating anyone else? Or still have a bit of a hankering after him :S He must have a lot of energy, wonder how many other prospects he's got going.
whichwayisup Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 You don't know if what he is saying is true. Things could be fine and she could be clueless that he is bored and wanting another OW! I wouldn't believe word for word what he is telling you. He's a liar! He's proven this again and again. Sorry, but I don't see why you're still even talking to him on a personal level. Who cares what he does in his life. I know you have to work with him, but it seems you do have some lingering feelings for him. Why else would you be so interested about what goes on with him? You talk with him, seem to look forward to see him. I could be wrong but the vibe and how you're posting about this makes me wonder. Staying friends with him is just preventing you from finding happiness 100% with someone else. Plus, if you DO start seeing someone, do you really want to deal with him prying into your personal life, wanting to know things?
Author BUTAFLY Posted July 29, 2006 Author Posted July 29, 2006 Consternation: Yes I have been dating. WWIU: I know you have to work with him, but it seems you do have some lingering feelings for him. Why else would you be so interested about what goes on with him? You talk with him, seem to look forward to see him. I could be wrong but the vibe and how you're posting about this makes me wonder. You got me . I'm ashamed to admit it but I have to be honest- I am not 100% over him yet and I hate myself for that. Though I have come along way, he should no longer be a thought. (See if you can follow this craziness) I think I talk to him because I don't want to believe he is this cruel monster. If he is a decent man then the feelings he expressed, the things we did, his apologetic explaination,was all real, our relationship would have been real and I wouldn't feel so used. If I speak to him and find him to reveal himself to be selfish jerk then I know he is a liar, was just using me and that would makes me feel stupid, used and I would know the whole thing was a sham. Then I start thinking, if he is such a rotten person how could she have married him? So... he can't be that bad. See this is where I get confused and it just keeps playing in my mind. Some where in my brain I feel if keeping the lines of communication open I'll get the closure I need to end this demented cycle. But the rational me knows thats not gonna happen.
whichwayisup Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 You got me . I'm ashamed to admit it but I have to be honest- I am not 100% over him yet and I hate myself for that. Though I have come along way, he should no longer be a thought. Just work on detaching yourself less and less from him. You have come a long way. I just hope you get to the point where this guy has NO affect on you. When that day comes, and you won't care one bit about what he thinks or feels. (See if you can follow this craziness) I think I talk to him because I don't want to believe he is this cruel monster. If he is a decent man then the feelings he expressed, the things we did, his appologetic explaination,was all real, our relationship would have been real and I wouldn't feel so used. B, take the blinders off. He may not LOOK like the monster, but his actions in the past and even now show that he is. He just does it with a smile on his face. He also knows the right buttons to push with you so you'll be putty in his hands. Try to stay strong here because before you know it, he'll be manipulating you back into his life even more. Then you'll be even more confused and hurt. If I speak to him and find him to reveal himself as a selfish jerk then I know he is a liar, was just using me and that would makes me feel stupid, used and I would know the whole thing was a sham. Thinking this or even acknowledging this does NOT serve you at all. The past is done and over with. You are not with him anymore in that way. You're just too attached still and somehow you have to stop those feelings from being fed. Don't let ANY man make you feel stupid. He's not healthy for you and just is making you feel bad about you. Why allow that crap into your life? Then I start thinking, if he is such a rotten person how could she have married him? So... he can't be that bad. See this is where I get confused and it just keeps playing in my mind. Because he probably knows the right things to say. He knows how to play people so he gets what he wants. And you don't know what goes on inside her head either, you just hear it from him, right? For all you know, she could be cheating on him and wanting out of the marriage. Again, this serves you no purpose by thinking of this stuff. Only is doing damage to you. Some where in my brain I feel if keeping the lines of communication open I'll get the closure I need to end this demented cycle. But the rational me knows thats not gonna happen The closure has to come from you. YOU have to decide ENOUGH and move on. Just let go and not let ANY of this stuff matter to you.
Author BUTAFLY Posted July 29, 2006 Author Posted July 29, 2006 A swift kick in the pants from a wise and exprienced lady is just what I needed tonight. Thanks WWIU . Boy, I don't know why I have these moments but they sneak up every now and again, thanx again for being there- GOODNITE.
whichwayisup Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 You're welcome. Go to bed and NO thinking of your ex-MM!
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