nayton Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 The problem is that she can't get over her ex. She can't get over her ex because of memorys of her and her ex. Two days ago a song that her ex sang to her came up on the radio and she broke down. She also cried on the phone talking to me about him last night. She doesn't want to think about him but she can't stop it. what could i do to help my girlfriend?
Poboy Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 more details about both of you can help ... how long you been together , when did she break up up with him and how serious it is between you too etc etc .
Author nayton Posted July 8, 2006 Author Posted July 8, 2006 we've been together for a month haha. we arn't trying to take things too far but i really care about her. she broke up with her ex for me because of long distance problems around february of this year. we started talking as friends while her and her ex were together. we ended up being together because i was actually there for her physically she left him for me. it seems like she would need him more than me because she still crys over him when she left him for me. she still can't get over him .. i just want to cheer her up and help her forget about him.
gfto Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 nayton, are you sure this girl is your "girlfriend"? Has she specifically asked you to be exclusive with her? I suspect the answer is no. The reason she "can't get over her ex" is because she is still very highly interested in him. In other words, he dumped her. You are most likely her shoulder to cry on/counselor. Sounds like you had better be hustling new phone numbers!
Author nayton Posted July 8, 2006 Author Posted July 8, 2006 that's all true. but i don't understand how i'm her cry on/counselor .. so am i just with here so she can cry on me or what? we are usually happy together but sometimes we could fight because of my bad behaivior. she tends to think that i'm stubborn,jealous,lazy,mean,easy influenced,dependent,hard headed. and its weird how she still tells me that she still really likes me and cares. maybe i am with her just because I am there. someone help me out .. i got a big problem to deal with
Author nayton Posted July 8, 2006 Author Posted July 8, 2006 she also sometimes tells me that she can't fall in love with me anytime soon but she tells me that she really likes and cares about me. i've asked her if she still loves her ex and she tells me that she still does because she can't forget about her first love. what else can i do in this situation? i don't really want to lose her but if it's best i have to. someone help me out.
westernxer Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 she also sometimes tells me that she can't fall in love with me anytime soon but she tells me that she really likes and cares about me. What else do you need to hear to see the light?
Author nayton Posted July 8, 2006 Author Posted July 8, 2006 i need to know why i am here for her. what would be the best for the both of us .. is there a way i can overcome her boyfriend and make things better? i'm confused. i'm really interested in this girl and i don't want to lose her at all. but what do you guys think?? help me out
westernxer Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 is there a way i can overcome her boyfriend and make things better? Nope. You have to dump her.
gfto Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 i'm really interested in this girl Of course you are. The problem is that she is not interested in you.
Author nayton Posted July 8, 2006 Author Posted July 8, 2006 i don't think i could do that. i've left her before and she would always come back crying to me. she called me a whole day once .. about 200 calls. i left her about 3 times. she always talks about me leaving her because i've done it before ..thats why she's afraid of falling in love with me. it's a confusing situation she's always showing me that she really cares about me and that she needs me ... but at the same time she shows that she really misses her ex. do you really think she deserves to be dumped because of the way she still feels about her ex? if i choose to dump her she'll just come back crying to me like she has before.i wouldn't be so sure but it's what happened many times already. help please
gfto Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 she's always showing me that she really cares about me Yeah, she cares about you so much that she can't get over her ex.
Author nayton Posted July 8, 2006 Author Posted July 8, 2006 you're right .. i even feel that she's less interested in me. i feel like if she ever had a chance to be with him again she would choose him over me. he left her because she cheated on him and he doesn't want her anymore because he lost all of his trust towards her. i dont feel like a stable boyfriend because she's always thinking about her ex. she's always apologizing and stuff but it still gets to me at times. she cheated on her ex and got with me and now she misses him and wants to tell him that she still cares....
Author nayton Posted July 8, 2006 Author Posted July 8, 2006 i still wouldnt understand.. she still crys about me leaving her and braking her heart. i've told her that i wouldn't leave her(dont know why) but she made it seem like she really wanted me to be with her. i wouldn't know what to say if i were to call it a break. any ideas anyone?
MarnieGirl Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 i don't think you're as "together" with this girl as you think you are. and if you are, it's not so together that she cares if it'll bother you to comfort her over her ex. something is up here. i would move on. she cries about you leaving because she's in the desperate "i don't have anybody else" phase. and she needs you because no one else would actually deal with her doing it but you.
JCD Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 She's wishy washy so stay away from her and find a girl that doesn't have ex baggage. Some girl that would give her undivided attention to you instead of making you question your sanity when you're with her, imo. Been there done that got a cookie
amerikajin Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 nayton, Here's the deal man: you guys are dating but she's not your girlfriend - even if she tells you that she is. Girlffiend implies exclusivity and a fairly high degree of mutual interest. She either hasn't had enough time with you or hasn't had enough time away from her ex boyfriend. Or, worst case scenario, she thinks that she's had too much time with you and wants to back off a bit. At any rate, it seems to me like you might be pushing too hard in the relationship. I don't think you have to dump her as some have advised, but you definitely have to back up a bit. Let her initiate things from here on out. Let her do the calling, let her give you a hint or two if she wants to go out on a date. I mean, if she asks what are you doing this weekend then you might want to ask her out and see if she's game, but I would not try to push anymore. She clearly wants or needs space. No girl who wants to be closer is going to say that kind of stuff to you.
Author nayton Posted July 9, 2006 Author Posted July 9, 2006 it's a bit too late, i've already broken up with her so i can't really do anything about it. it sucks at times when she's always mentioning her ex because it's always ruining the moment. she crys and breaks down and i have to be there for her as her boyfriend.. once i've told her i was going to be there for her and she was happy about it. but i can't take the chance of always being here for her when she's always thinking about her ex. i just called a break last night telling her that i hoped she understood why i wanted a break. she seemed like she didn't. i want a break because i want her to be happy with or without me .. i don't want to be with her when she's always thinking of her ex. it's either she chooses me or him .. and it seems like she would choose him.
amerikajin Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 Mmm....well, I don't know if that was necessary but what's done is done. Maybe if you really wanted to see where things lead, you could call her up again and say 'Look, maybe we could still see each other but take things a bit more slowly.' Just be honest with her and tell her that whenever she kept talking about her ex that it made you feel really uncomfortable and you didn't know how to deal with it, but that you want to give things a shot and keep options on the table. Make it clear that you're not committed for the time being, but that you'd like to date if she's interested. Accept it if she's not interested in taking you up on your offer. But for her not to understand where you're coming from...that's a bit short-sighted on her part. She oughtta think about how that might feel if the situation were in reverse.
Author nayton Posted July 9, 2006 Author Posted July 9, 2006 look in my new thread ' whoops? right or wrong? ' please
Driver Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 You are getting majorly toyed around with her, and it makes me feel sad. She is clearly uninterested in you. For example... she tends to think that i'm stubborn,jealous,lazy,mean,easy influenced,dependent,hard headed. and its weird how she still tells me that she still really likes me and cares. You're right. It is a little odd that she thinks that yet she still "really cares and likes you." That is because she really isn't interested! She went through a bad break-up and is on the rebound. She is still constantly thinking about this guy. When she closes her eyes at night before bed she sees him, and when she wakes up she probably thinks of him. She wants you because you help her feel better about herself and her own hurt feelings. Your love helps to boost her self-esteem, and you being there gives her a shoulder to cry on. I would tell you to just concentrate on being there for her as a friend, but it seems it has gone too far already. You need to protect yourself and get out of this before YOU get hurt.
Author nayton Posted July 9, 2006 Author Posted July 9, 2006 i broke up with her and then got back with her. in a DAY. we'll see how things go for now .. but i think i should know when to break it off or stay. she made some sense talking about why she thinks about her ex and why she's with me... i still think i'm going to get hurt but i'm just going to go with this for a little bit .. and if things bother me .. we're done.
Author nayton Posted July 10, 2006 Author Posted July 10, 2006 i broke up with her and then got back with her. in a DAY. we'll see how things go for now .. but i think i should know when to break it off or stay. she made some sense talking about why she thinks about her ex and why she's with me... i still think i'm going to get hurt but i'm just going to go with this for a little bit .. and if things bother me .. we're done.
purspeed Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 You are her rebound, dude (stating the obvious). She cares for you as long as you continue to be her emotional tampon. (yeah, you can quote me on that.)
magichands Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 She cares for you as long as you continue to be her emotional tampon. (yeah, you can quote me on that.) Is that the service being provided in your avatar? And how long do you suggest he should maintain that position?
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