Guest Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 I wish I could read someone's mind! But maybe you, guys, can help me understand what this guy's thinking is. So here's the scenario (we're both married): *He helps me resolve a big schedule issue (he is my boss 3-rd chain in command); *We notice each other, eye contact relationship lasts for about 4 months; *I leave a couple of notes on his office desk letting him know that I like and appreciate him (nothing weird, just nice polite stuff, still so silly of me, gosh!); *He turns me in to the executive for a session of coaching. I'm shocked but handle it well; *We try to avoid each other for about a month and a half. No verbal or visual contact is maintained at all; *He starts coming around and seeks me out to just say "hi" and get a glimps of my reaction. I don't respond. So, what's going on in his mind, and Why do you think he ever chose to do what he did?
Tony T Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 You've only presented slight evidence that he is trying to resist temptation. Otherwise, there is absolutely nothing going on that isn't professional. He's truly trying to keep it that way. The way a MM behaves toward any female he may be attracted to could depend heavily each day on how things are going at home. If you don't want your mind screwed up royally, you'll find another man to flirt with and hopefully he won't be in your workplace. That's such a gawd awful place to have something like this going on because it can drive you out of your mind...and out of your marriage. Perhaps he is extremely shy...but if a man wants to get something going he would send much clearer signals than this one. The majority of your points point more to professional conduct rather than a man looking for something from a female, MW or not.
BUTAFLY Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 It sounds like he didn't appreciate your first advances...thats why he reported you. And now he is following up, or trying to set you up to see if you will take the bate, if you learned from your coaching session. I would stay away from this man.
Outcast Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 You have no reason, IMHO, to think he's interested in you. That a guy says hi and looks you in the eye only means he's alive, breathing, and speaking to you. Try to shed the idea that he's after you and go find a single guy who actually is interested in you.
Touche Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 How about NOT finding a single guy and concentrating on your HUSBAND?
Guest Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 You've only presented slight evidence that he is trying to resist temptation. Otherwise, there is absolutely nothing going on that isn't professional. He's truly trying to keep it that way. The way a MM behaves toward any female he may be attracted to could depend heavily each day on how things are going at home. If you don't want your mind screwed up royally, you'll find another man to flirt with and hopefully he won't be in your workplace. That's such a gawd awful place to have something like this going on because it can drive you out of your mind...and out of your marriage. Perhaps he is extremely shy...but if a man wants to get something going he would send much clearer signals than this one. The majority of your points point more to professional conduct rather than a man looking for something from a female, MW or not. Tony, thank You for your honest assessment. I appreciated your input as a man. Before we noticed each other, he would constantly wear his salt-and-pepper beard, and dress really boring. Since we "hit on", he lost a couple extra pounds, shaves clean every day, and bought himself a few really nice (style and colorwise) shirts. So, I assume, he did want to look attractive to me. Another thing, he WAS indeed giving out a few signals to indicate, I guess, that he liked me. One of them was that he sometimes would stand somewhat afar just to be able to see me and keep staring at me until I make that eye contact. Or whenever we would happen to pass each other, he would look at my body, mostly stomach (???). I haven't a slightest idea why, but I guess it might be a guy thing to do that. And even now after all the pain and hurt feelings, he's been trying to initiate some level of interaction. I just don't get it. Does he like me or not? Is he emotionally involved in this relationship, or I just see it that way? Can you, please, help me understand the situation better?
Guest Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 It sounds like he didn't appreciate your first advances...thats why he reported you. And now he is following up, or trying to set you up to see if you will take the bate, if you learned from your coaching session. I would stay away from this man. Thank You. That's exactly what I've been doing. I 'm not after him at all, I just can't figure him out.
Guest Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 You have no reason, IMHO, to think he's interested in you. That a guy says hi and looks you in the eye only means he's alive, breathing, and speaking to you. Try to shed the idea that he's after you and go find a single guy who actually is interested in you. I'm not looking for anybody to have an A with. He just posed somewhat a challenge to me, and I'm sure I've been a challenge to him as well. It just might be one huge misunderstanding between the two of us...
memphissouthernbelle Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 Unless you want your whole world messed up like mine is stay away from him. Don't even entertain the idea of starting something up with him. It will end in misery.
Outcast Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 Another thing, he WAS indeed giving out a few signals to indicate, I guess, that he liked me. One of them was that he sometimes would stand somewhat afar just to be able to see me and keep staring at me until I make that eye contact. Or whenever we would happen to pass each other, he would look at my body, mostly stomach (???). I haven't a slightest idea why, but I guess it might be a guy thing to do that. You can never be sure where a person's looking. But if he was, it still isn't indicating interest. He's starting to sound like a bit of a wierdo to me. You say you're not interested in an affair but it seems you've devoted an awful lot of think time to every move and twitch this guy makes which says to me that you are *very* interested in getting him interested in you. Again, he reported you once. Leave this alone because you'll ruin both career and marriage if you don't.
Guest Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 You can never be sure where a person's looking. But if he was, it still isn't indicating interest. He's starting to sound like a bit of a wierdo to me. You say you're not interested in an affair but it seems you've devoted an awful lot of think time to every move and twitch this guy makes which says to me that you are *very* interested in getting him interested in you. Again, he reported you once. Leave this alone because you'll ruin both career and marriage if you don't. Thank You for your input, Outcast. I respect you being polite in expressing your opinion, and not passing a quick judgement. There're more details to the story, of course. One of them that might be interesting for you guys to know is that he likes foreign girls. his wife is one, as well as I am (not from the same country, though). So, that might explain why he singled me out from the huge bunch of other employees. I tend to agree with Tony when he said that the guy might also be shy. He does seem to be at times, even though his job requires for him to act and sound tough. Anyway, I'm not going any further with this relationship. Last question: Do I just ignore him, or try to be civil with him anyway and say "Hi" back to him. He's kind of become a sore spot for me every time I see him at work. Thank You.
Chinook Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 Last question: Do I just ignore him, or try to be civil with him anyway and say "Hi" back to him. He's kind of become a sore spot for me every time I see him at work. Thank You. I would be professional and polite but ignore any advances. You aren't really focusing ahead on if anything does develop. This is a whole s***storm waiting to happen, if you let it. If advances go ahead... he could report you again. If they go ahead and you both reciprocate and something happens.. there are two families to consider. Considering you don't want an affair... is it really worth all this trouble..?
My_Other_I Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 Tony, thank You for your honest assessment. I appreciated your input as a man. Before we noticed each other, he would constantly wear his salt-and-pepper beard, and dress really boring. Since we "hit on", he lost a couple extra pounds, shaves clean every day, and bought himself a few really nice (style and colorwise) shirts. So, I assume, he did want to look attractive to me. Another thing, he WAS indeed giving out a few signals to indicate, I guess, that he liked me. One of them was that he sometimes would stand somewhat afar just to be able to see me and keep staring at me until I make that eye contact. Or whenever we would happen to pass each other, he would look at my body, mostly stomach (???). I haven't a slightest idea why, but I guess it might be a guy thing to do that. And even now after all the pain and hurt feelings, he's been trying to initiate some level of interaction. I just don't get it. Does he like me or not? Is he emotionally involved in this relationship, or I just see it that way? Can you, please, help me understand the situation better? It sounds to me like you fantasise about an A with him. Nothing you've mentioned sounds like you ever 'hit it off' with this guy. He seems like a man who is trying to keep it together and be a real man. He interacts with you because you work together. He looks at you because you are there. He looks at your stomach because he might feel guilty for turning you in and doesn't want to look at your eyes. Next places he could look at would be your boobs or your feet. What's better? I think you should stop thinking about it and let him be. You'd both regret your actions later if you seduced him. To your original question: I don't think he is playing you, I think you are playing him and your mind is playing with you. Hope all is well at work.
Guest Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 It sounds to me like you fantasise about an A with him. Nothing you've mentioned sounds like you ever 'hit it off' with this guy. He seems like a man who is trying to keep it together and be a real man. He interacts with you because you work together. He looks at you because you are there. He looks at your stomach because he might feel guilty for turning you in and doesn't want to look at your eyes. Next places he could look at would be your boobs or your feet. What's better? I think you should stop thinking about it and let him be. You'd both regret your actions later if you seduced him. To your original question: I don't think he is playing you, I think you are playing him and your mind is playing with you. Hope all is well at work. Thank you for your straightforward answer, My Other I. I do believe he's a decent guy as well. When they coached me, I asked the executive to pass my apologies on to the guy. I also know how HE contributed to the situation simply because I was there. As Tony put it in his answer, the guy was just trying to resist the temptation, as was I as well. We have cameras watching everywhere you look, including in the managers' office, of course. He just might have gotten job insecure when I brought him the notes, and decided to quickly cut it off by reporting me to show indirectly that he had nothing to do with what was going on in case he got caught. That doesn't mean he didn't like the notes or the attention, right? Anyway, I'm resolving to be civil with him by greeting him in the morning (that's the time of the day when we bump into each other the most). And nothing else.
Sami_D Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 ... We have cameras watching everywhere you look, including in the managers' office, of course. He just might have gotten job insecure when I brought him the notes, and decided to quickly cut it off by reporting me to show indirectly that he had nothing to do with what was going on in case he got caught. That doesn't mean he didn't like the notes or the attention, right? Please go back and re-read My_Other_One's last response to you, because it is dead on. This man does not want anything to do with a 'relationship' with you. You don't even know each other. All you are doing is coming up with reason after reason why he doesn't feel he can pursue his 'true feelings' (which are all in your head). How can he have any true feelings towards someone he has never spoken to..? Because he 'likes foreign girls'???? I'm sorry, but I've never heard anything more ridiculous in my life. This man has REPORTED your behaviour towards him once. I suggest you take the hint.
Guest Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 Please go back and re-read My_Other_One's last response to you, because it is dead on. This man does not want anything to do with a 'relationship' with you. You don't even know each other. All you are doing is coming up with reason after reason why he doesn't feel he can pursue his 'true feelings' (which are all in your head). How can he have any true feelings towards someone he has never spoken to..? Because he 'likes foreign girls'???? I'm sorry, but I've never heard anything more ridiculous in my life. This man has REPORTED your behaviour towards him once. I suggest you take the hint. Sami, we HAVE spoken before, many times. And you're people right when you all say he's not interested here. Thank You all for your feedback. Natasha :0)
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