sweethonisti Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 Lots of soul searching in the last couple of years...okay..my background...dated several...had the longterm relationships...but never settled...never married...now i am magically and to my surprise reaching 33!!! I have never felt like i wanted to settle down but maybe i think i do...i have never been the girl that had the life plan.."college..marriage...2.5 kids...mini van..."... I have never set that as a goal as some have...does that make me bad people??? I am all about life experience...but as much as I say i don't want to settle and live life to its fullest i seem to keep getting caught up in relationships that get me know where except ...kill time??? what is up with that? why do we do that? talk ourselves into relationships we don't even want? SETTLE? woman do this all the time...it starts out as a date ...and we tell ourselves ..."yeah he is NOT it!!!" BUT he calls and asks us out again so we go...because..."maybe I didn't give him a fair shot...maybe he was nervous...maybe i read him wrong..." whatever psychobable we tell ourselves to convince ourself that we should go out with him again. So we go and if there are a couple of drinks involved we start seeing the beauty in him...(aagghh)...he's not so bad...and we make out. he calls again...out of feeling slutty and a little more self convincing we agree to see him again...this cycle continues...so eventually the guy we never wanted to be with is the guy we are dating for three years...how does this happen? why do we do this to ourselves? boredom? sex? lonliness? am i the only person on earth that doesn't seem to have enough patients to wait for "the one"???? Do guys do this too? Just curious...?????
Mary3 Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 Lots of soul searching in the last couple of years...okay..my background...dated several...had the longterm relationships...but never settled...never married...now i am magically and to my surprise reaching 33!!! I have never felt like i wanted to settle down but maybe i think i do...i have never been the girl that had the life plan.."college..marriage...2.5 kids...mini van..."... I have never set that as a goal as some have...does that make me bad people??? I am all about life experience...but as much as I say i don't want to settle and live life to its fullest i seem to keep getting caught up in relationships that get me know where except ...kill time??? what is up with that? why do we do that? talk ourselves into relationships we don't even want? SETTLE? woman do this all the time...it starts out as a date ...and we tell ourselves ..."yeah he is NOT it!!!" BUT he calls and asks us out again so we go...because..."maybe I didn't give him a fair shot...maybe he was nervous...maybe i read him wrong..." whatever psychobable we tell ourselves to convince ourself that we should go out with him again. So we go and if there are a couple of drinks involved we start seeing the beauty in him...(aagghh)...he's not so bad...and we make out. he calls again...out of feeling slutty and a little more self convincing we agree to see him again...this cycle continues...so eventually the guy we never wanted to be with is the guy we are dating for three years...how does this happen? why do we do this to ourselves? boredom? sex? lonliness? am i the only person on earth that doesn't seem to have enough patients to wait for "the one"???? Do guys do this too? Just curious...????? I firmly believe that if I don't feel some * chemistry * on the first date then its not going to be created 4 dates later. I used to do that until I learned there is a reason you are not attracted to that particular person. Pay attention to your instincts. Do not date someone out of pity. Out of being horney ( unless of course you both just want no strings sex ) Out of need . Out of loneliness. Date someone because he is RIGHT for you ! Anyone that shows controlling or abusive behavior needs to be dumped asap . Anyone that is dragging you down or boring you to death needs to be reconsidered. Don't let it drag on and on and then wonder 6 months later why you are with a cheater, abuser, chronically unemployed, ect. The SIGNS are always there....Learn to pay attention to them
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