Diver012 Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 I was talking with a friend today and they had met the EX the other day for the first time. I was told that her initial impressions was.. what a Witch. SO I told her... Hey, I heard you had an unfortunate experience meeting my Ex. Her response was, Oh Shes Very Beautiful. She has an incredible body.... ect.. I felt I did had to qualify that with, yeah on the outside ... then we discussed the Cold nature about her. Stuck up even... I was venting a little... again. Everyone seems to point out just how attractive my Ex is. All I can respond with is how icy cold and empty she turned out to be. I honestly never cared about her looks. I mean, she was attractive yes, but in the beginning, she had a warm personality that drew me in. I enjoyed stopping by and talking to her. I liked to see her smile and laugh. Through the relationship, she brought out emotions in me that made me feel like I was on fire. I never felt so much unconditional love from a woman before... then to have her turn it off without a reason, or warning, or put up a fight to fix what was wrong, burned me. To me shes a shallow, empty lonley person inside. I dont, nor did I ever really give a damn how freakin gorgeous everyone says she is. Im not upset because I lost a "10". Im upset because the love this woman showed me turned Ice Cold without any warning or reason given. I know this person didnt mean it that way. I really think she meant is as a compliment perhaps... maybe as if to say.. look at what your capable of... but I won her heart through actions, It burns because I dont know why I lost it.
bendit Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 why? Because you broke contact. Any contact you have will bother you at this stage. That's just the way it is. That's why if you want to get through this in the quickest and most sure way, you Eliminate contact. Talking about her and bringing up memories good and bad with mutual friends is contact. Unconditional love doesn't get turned off and on like a light switch. Best of luck. regards
Author Diver012 Posted July 8, 2006 Author Posted July 8, 2006 Im the type of person that feels the need to discuss my emotions, but I do choose very carefully who I discuss them with. Deciding to never ever speak of her again, to me would be bottling up the emotions that I was left with. If I discuss and vocalize how I feel about things, they get dealt with and let go.
In Sync Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 Im the type of person that feels the need to discuss my emotions, but I do choose very carefully who I discuss them with. Deciding to never ever speak of her again, to me would be bottling up the emotions that I was left with. If I discuss and vocalize how I feel about things, they get dealt with and let go. No contact does not mean you never speak of her again... many of us here on LS have maintained NC and discuss our past ex's but I would not engage any ANY form of breaking contact anyone who knew my ex directly and could lead to hearing info about him indirectly. (And it's been 9 months of solid NC. At this point I would not fall down in hysterics if by chance I heard something but what for would I invite it...knowing I would be bothered by it.) That's the misconception many have about NC....it's ridiculous to think you never speak about the ex..of course that path is unhealthy and mentally repressing..but electing not to chat about them with mutual friends or acquaintences is different. The exchange of heresay and unnecessary, basic gossip, about them will hinder your healing. And gossip is a sneeky way of staying involved in the ex's life too. (Ok, let's get real on that point.) Vocalize to a therapist or someone not connected via friendship with the ex. Write, find a neutral person who is willing and available to listen. But vocalizing with friends who know you both...will bother you and bother you and bother you....
Author Diver012 Posted July 8, 2006 Author Posted July 8, 2006 No contact does not mean you never speak of her again... many of us here on LS have maintained NC and discuss our past ex's but I would not engage any ANY form of breaking contact anyone who knew my ex directly and could lead to hearing info about him indirectly. (And it's been 9 months of solid NC. At this point I would not fall down in hysterics if by chance I heard something but what for would I invite it...knowing I would be bothered by it.) That's the misconception many have about NC....it's ridiculous to think you never speak about the ex..of course that path is unhealthy and mentally repressing..but electing not to chat about them with mutual friends or acquaintences is different. The exchange of heresay and unnecessary, basic gossip, about them will hinder your healing. And gossip is a sneeky way of staying involved in the ex's life too. (Ok, let's get real on that point.) Vocalize to a therapist or someone not connected via friendship with the ex. Write, find a neutral person who is willing and available to listen. But vocalizing with friends who know you both...will bother you and bother you and bother you.... Hmmm thats a good point.
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