blue636 Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 I am 98% sure that my girlfriend of 7 months has ended our relationship. I say 98% because she told me she needed to end this relationship and there was probably nothing I could do about it. She didn't officially say we were over and when I asked her if I'll talk to her again soon, she said, "I don't know." I am effectively treating this as a break-up. I don't know what to do. She is 19 and I am 24. When she's not at college, like this summer, she lives at home. She is essentially under the control of her parents and she is far too weak to ever do anything about it. This, according to our last conversation, is the reason for our break up. She told me she loves me and she told me she didn't want to break up, but she said she had to because her parents are making her life completely miserable so long as we're together. They used to love me, but as soon as they found out their "innocent daughter" had been doing "bad things" (sex) with me, they hated my guts. When she's at home or even at school, she is in pure misery. Her mother has a wrath like no other. I won't go into detail, but please take my word for it. Lately, we had been having problems of our own. I'd say it was the typical relationship stuff: a little miscommunication here, a little jealousy there, and some trust issues sprinkled about. My point is, it is not something that couldn't have been overcome. The icing on the cake was her parents threatening to stop paying for school and for her car if she continued to see me. They were "not supporting our relationship" in any way whatsoever. I guess their interpretation of that is not supporting her whatsoever. In any case, I am devastated -- to say the least. I don't even know where to begin. I didn't want this to end and neither did she. She told me she was too consumed with me and that she was selfishly in love with me because that love was hurting her family. What do I do from here? Where do I go? I know that a self-destructive mode is not the one to fall into... but I do find myself losing a great sense of motivation for anything else. Thanks.
dub03 Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 Well that sucks. Parents be huge problems some times. There is only one way around this if your girl doesn't want to defy her parents. Go over to their house, and talk to her parents. Tell them how much you care about their daughter, and that you would never disrespect her or them. Since you say that her mother is a bitch, maybe just talk to her dad first. Be sure though that your girl isn't using her parents as an excuse to let you down easy. Thats an easy cop out for a lot people. Good luck.
Author blue636 Posted July 8, 2006 Author Posted July 8, 2006 It's definitely not a cop out. I have experienced first hand the insanity of her folks. Talking to them is not an option... that's how bad it is. She has sent me text messages and an email today telling me she loves me and sent pictures of herself. She's acting as if we've never broken up. Now, of course, when I ask her about it she's avoiding the subject. I'm very skeptical because I know most of you would assume she's doing this on purpose to hurt me or make me miss her. I'm not sure what's going on, but I'm not jumping to conclusions.
MarnieGirl Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 "i don't know" probably means no. i would move on, and let her contact you if she wants to. then you can decide if you want to talk to her or not.
Author blue636 Posted July 8, 2006 Author Posted July 8, 2006 "i don't know" probably means no. i would move on, and let her contact you if she wants to. then you can decide if you want to talk to her or not. She already has contacted me... several times, actually. She tells me she loves me and wants me. Yet, I still feel like I'm in a big grey area right now. I guess patience is the only thing that will save me. It's just too bad that I don't have any patience.
dub03 Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 You know what you need to do go out, have fun and try to meet someone else. I know its 3AM and I am on here, instead of hooking up with a chick I met tonight. (That would be nice, but it doesn't happen every weekend.)However, I was out for a good seven hours tonight without once thinking about my ex. Yeah I am thinking about her now. Which is exactly why I am on here, so I can keep my NC going and not try calling her to come over for a late night session. All I know is I feel much better tonight than I did this morning... so go out tomorrow night, and have a great time!
Author blue636 Posted July 8, 2006 Author Posted July 8, 2006 You know what you need to do go out, have fun and try to meet someone else. I know its 3AM and I am on here, instead of hooking up with a chick I met tonight. (That would be nice, but it doesn't happen every weekend.)However, I was out for a good seven hours tonight without once thinking about my ex. Yeah I am thinking about her now. Which is exactly why I am on here, so I can keep my NC going and not try calling her to come over for a late night session. All I know is I feel much better tonight than I did this morning... so go out tomorrow night, and have a great time! The timing for this couldn't be better! My friends from Northern Cali are coming down to L.A. this weekend. I still love her and she says she still wants to be with me... just without the knowledge of her parents. Last night, around midnight, she told me that we can still be together but we probably won't get to see each other much, if at all, until mid or end of August. But she wants to remain in contact whether it be email, phone, or whatever. I don't like where this is going so I'm still treating it like a break up.
Author blue636 Posted July 11, 2006 Author Posted July 11, 2006 This is killing me. Since I started the first post, she has told me multiple times that we are still together, or she can't do this anymore. It hurts because it's been a massive roller coaster for me. What can I do?
Winfield Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 She wants you, she doesn't want you...blowing hot and cold...leaving you hanging for an answer... Don't let her walk all over you! Tell her straight, ask her whether it's over or not, and take it from there. Only she knows what she's thinking, so only she can tell you. And if she comes away with another "I don't know", take control of the situation and end the relationship - otherwise your "will she, won't she" situation will only continue (and probably hurt you even more). Indecisiveness like what she's expressing is such a waste of time, and unfair on the one who thinks that the relationship is OK. I'm guessing though that if she really respected you, she'd have given you an honest answer by now Anyhow, good luck!
Author blue636 Posted July 13, 2006 Author Posted July 13, 2006 She wants you, she doesn't want you...blowing hot and cold...leaving you hanging for an answer... Don't let her walk all over you! Tell her straight, ask her whether it's over or not, and take it from there. Only she knows what she's thinking, so only she can tell you. And if she comes away with another "I don't know", take control of the situation and end the relationship - otherwise your "will she, won't she" situation will only continue (and probably hurt you even more). Indecisiveness like what she's expressing is such a waste of time, and unfair on the one who thinks that the relationship is OK. I'm guessing though that if she really respected you, she'd have given you an honest answer by now Anyhow, good luck! You're right. Maybe it's just a matter of me mustering up the energy and courage to do the logical thing.
MrPot Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 Winfield is right. If you don't do the confident thing and move on yourself, she will not respect you, and you will not get her back. I wouldn't even ask her anything. Just move on. NC all the way.
Author blue636 Posted July 13, 2006 Author Posted July 13, 2006 You know what's odd? I used to think a year or two ago when I first signed up that the NC contact rule was nothing more than pride. Anyway, here's something that typically happens after a week or more of NC that happened to me within hours... of course, I still made a mistake. Oh well, the "break up" is still only 6 days old... On Monday, after fighting all weekend, she decided she wanted to stay together. Then on Monday night, she called me and we got into a huge fight and I said, "Look, if you're calling because you want to work this out, fine. But if you're calling just to tell me off for 5 minutes and then break up with me, I am not going to do this." She said fine and hung up on me... The next day she talked to me online in the morning (I was doing some emails for work on gmail and she noticed me on so started a chat)... we just ended up fighting again and she signed off on me without saying goodbye. So, I wrote her back. This is what my e-mail said: "Emilie, I love you and I always will. What I see happening in your life with your parents is hurting me. If they abuse you any more and you need my help, I'll see what I can do. Babe, you also need to grow up. You still have a lot of maturing to do. You need to grow stronger and to make decisions on your own. You need to know what life is all about. I have told you time and again, no one can force you to do anything you don't want to. I'm sorry you feel like you are a coward. Let's put it this way, Emilie, you only have one life to live. Are you going to live that life or are your parents going to live it for you? Grow up, Emilie. Please. For your own sake. Otherwise, your life will just be full of regrets." Her response to that email: "Ouch" Then I told her, yeah, the truth hurts. Anyway, in addition to my response telling her the truth hurts, I told her that my friends from northern california came all the way down to visit me and I was going to Old Town Pasadena (our favorite place to hang out) to hang out with them for the rest of the day. I told her who was going to be there, including a girl whom she knew I found to be ridiculously hot. So, she wrote me back and said, "I'm surprised you'll be happy hanging out with her. You told me she annoyed you," to which I replied, "All my friends are there and I'm just going to be happy... period." A few hours later she starts emailing the crap out of my phone: -What time are you getting home tonight? -What do you mean a shade late? -What's your roommate doing? Can he take you anywhere? -I'm going to get coffee with my friend, can you meet with me? -I love you and I miss you. I want to see you again. It went so on and so forth. My mistake? I actually met with her. Anyway, we only hung out for about 20 minutes and after that, I decided I wasn't even going to worry about this anymore. I've got bigger things in life to worry about than some girl who is letting her parents run her life.
Recommended Posts