jessssss Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 well for those of you who have been helping me through this...i just saw that he sent another email to this girl..i read it...i'll go into more detail in a few cause gotta go to a conference but he sent her a pic!! WHAT?! he sent her a pic!!! then in that message (there were 2) he said that the reason he took off teh comments was because he didn't want to start anythign with "the gf"!!! what do i do now?! it's not like he's telling her he's single...but at the same time i don't want my bf talking to another girl liek that and then the pic he used...he cut me out of..i'm about fed up. he's leaving sunday AM and i want to say something now, that's gone too far but how do i let him know?? would this work?? could i say taht i got home from work and he left his email up and i saw the message he sent and all the messages that have been going back and forth?? should i do that so i dont' get busted for snooping?? i need some help here, i dont' want him to have anything to turn ths around on me...does hotmail time out or anything?? what about myspace? does it time out if there is no activity??? i've got to come up with something by 4 o'clock...i can't have him gone a whole week and me worrying abuot this or who nkows what he's doing while he's there!!!! ugh i'm so upset...
BaileyBear Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 You need to stay out of his myspace and stop trying to control him; it won't work. If he is going to cheat, he will cheat. The only thing snooping will do is discover it, not stop it. If you put all of this energy you have been putting into being deceitful and instead invested it in loving your boyfriend, I think you would be better off.
a4a Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 If you confront him what results are you hoping for? Do you think that will turn him into an honest guy and undo what he has already done?? I say just don't say a word, use the time that he is away to just be with yourself. Think about your life and where YOU are going. It is already obvious that he is doing things behind your back. It is obvious you have serious trust issues with him...... apparently justified at this point. So are you going to spend the rest of your life with a guy that you are pulling your hair out over worried if he is cheating or lying to you? What is really in your best interests at this point?
Author jessssss Posted July 7, 2006 Author Posted July 7, 2006 "What is really in your best interests at this point?"----i dont' know. i'm overwhelmed right now...i don't know what to do...i love him, but ican't have this. should i confront him before he leaves or should i think about all of this whileh e's gone?? he's basically cheating if you ask me...i don't know how i'm going to go to dinner with him tonight with all this going on. i don't know what to do.... i shouldn't have snooped...i know, i was wrong...but he's wrong too...he's doing worse than i am! i would never think of doign thsi with someone else online liek he is...sending his pic?! that put me over the edge...that's turning into more than friendly if you ask me.
typical Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 If you confront him what results are you hoping for? Do you think that will turn him into an honest guy and undo what he has already done?? I say just don't say a word, use the time that he is away to just be with yourself. Think about your life and where YOU are going. It is already obvious that he is doing things behind your back. It is obvious you have serious trust issues with him...... apparently justified at this point. So are you going to spend the rest of your life with a guy that you are pulling your hair out over worried if he is cheating or lying to you? What is really in your best interests at this point?----a4a Exactly........fer gawds sake, keep your trap shut!! DONT tell him you know anything at all!! Gather your info, and go from there....think about what YOU want to do with this free time..... JUST WAIT. What a4a said I wish to second: Do you think that will turn him into an honest guy and undo what he has already done?? Because he already went so far, whats to stop him from going farther? And if he wants to, and you bust him too soon, thats not to say because he didnt get away with it this time he is never going to do it again, with someone else, maybe even her. I say, watch this play out. He could surprise you and do the right thing. There is real beauty in watching life play out as you observe. You might suffer a little, but in the end it is worth every minute if you learn something from it--good or bad. People do the most amazing things (good or bad) when they think no one is watching. Here is your chance to sit back and quietly observe him at work...or play....and also your chance to have alone time to think about what you want to do once you are finished with the observation.
a4a Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 Don't say a word...... see how far he takes this..... you never know he may tell this myspace girl to jump in the lake...... Let it go.... if need be to keep you satisfied keep snooping.... but shut up. You are going to keep snooping no matter what so you may as well use it to your advantage to see where this whole thing is going.
typical Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 i don't know how i'm going to go to dinner with him tonight with all this going on. With class and poise of a woman who is in control of her life and destiny. remember: "I never did mind the little things"
a4a Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 tell him you feel funny because you know he is leaving and youre going to miss him.......... Girl.... if you are going to play the snoopy snooper game you gotta think on your toes! Now just hush up and be nice..... good chance he may tell her/ myspace chicky to piss off.
Walk Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 It's up to you Jess. If this is something you feel has gone far enough, and you don't want to see any more... then say something to him. Screw him on his snooping. You're wrong is so minute next to his. Don't even listen to his bull about how you shouldn't have. But if I were in your shoes, I would wait.. Take this coming week to figure out what my options are in best and worst case scenario's. Figure out what I want from a relationship, and if that is even a possibility with this one any more. That's the big thing right now. Not whether he meets with her, or calls her, or whatever. But what are you going to do with the knowledge that he is okay with bringing another woman into your relationship? Knowing that you would never do this to him. That he would never be okay with you doing the same to him. Will you believe him when he tells you you're wrong in your assumptions? What will you say to him then? What if he continues to deny it? Would you know if he continued to talk to her and wasn't on myspace any more? Would you be able to trust him by his word alone? If you do talk to him, and he isn't able to prove she's his long lost sister from a previous parental marriage.... you deserve much better than this from him. After the immense amount of effort and comprimise you've put into this relationship. Supporting him for so long, and working so hard to make your relationship a great one... Don't take his word on anything, make him prove it. He's broken your trust, don't let him con his way through with words. We automatically trust those we love. Keep your eyes wide open on this. It seems your gut feeling has been warning you for a while now, maybe it'd be wise to continue listening to it.
Walk Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 I do want to add that I agree with a4a and Typical. I say wait and see how it plays out. I'm the ever eternal optimist... I'm rooting he'll tell this girl to take a flying leap. As far as dinner tonight... Can you use PMS? Or seriously bad day at work? Or bad day in general? Not really a lie... it's been a bad day. Just tell him you don't want to talk about it, but just want to forget about it for a while.
typical Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 i'm overwhelmed right now...i don't know what to do...i love him, but ican't have this. should i confront him before he leaves or should i think about all of this whileh e's gone?? he's basically cheating if you ask me...i don't know how i'm going to go to dinner with him tonight with all this going on. i don't know what to do.... i shouldn't have snooped...i know, i was wrong...but he's wrong too...he's doing worse than i am! i would never think of doign thsi with someone else online liek he is...sending his pic?! that put me over the edge...that's turning into more than friendly if you ask me. pull yourself together....you sound like you are going to be defeated over this.....your typing erratically....get it together. Sending someone a pic is not cheating. But it is certainly putting himself out there to take it one step further. If you put a stop to this now you will never get to see the ending. Play it smart, keep it together, and gather information. If I had access to even a shard of information you have, I would gaurd that with my life as it is my only secret weapon of defense.
Author jessssss Posted July 7, 2006 Author Posted July 7, 2006 thanks everyone!! yes, i was getting a bit erratic!! LOL i've calmed down a little. the initial shock was getting to me. i'm going to do what everyone has suggested...watch it play out...who knows, maybe he'll do the right thing and then i know i can trust him, if he does the wrong thing ie. meeting or calling then i know i can't trust him. i'm going to see how this goes, see how far he goes, how far this chic goes, who knows, she could be a psycho 45 year old woman in disguise!!LOL we'll see. the pic hurt me, more than i thought it was going to..i knew he'd prob send her something...i was hoping it'd be a fake pic but it was him... i'm going to ride it out, gona be hard but i'm gonig to do it. as for dinner, i'm going to pull myself together. i will tell him i feel weird and am going to miss him. i do wnat to note that in his messages back to her...the one with the pic and then the other one...he told her he didn't want to be a dick but to quti posting comments cause his gf can read all of them adn he didn't want to start anythign with the gf....then the other said that he was just watching out so he didn't start anything with the gf...not sure how to take this...he's watching out for me knowing....does that mean it's nothing and he doesn't want me to blow it out of proportion or does it mean that it could be something adn he doesn't want me to know cause he is scheming something...thigns i'm thinking about. thanks again. i'm leaving work in an hour to go get ready for dinner with him...just gotta breathe and keep my mind OFF of this shyt!!
a4a Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 Well if he does the right thing you need to make a promise to yourself to let up on this worry and jealousy thing with him...... ok? Now go try to enjoy your time with him cause youre going to be posting here about how much you miss him.... if he screws up....... then you can post about how much you hate him....... Until then you gotta chill.
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