Guest Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 I've read the many posts on NC, but how does this work if your ex is seeing someone else?? Wouldn't that just give him more time to think about her and less about you? My ex has been seeing someone for a couple of days now and I'm afraid that NC will just make him want to be with this girl seriously and forget all about me. We were together for 3 years and broke up a week ago, so I think he just started seeing her to get me off of his mind. What do you think?
Violet87 Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 He's already seeing someone this soon after the breakup, chances are it's a rebound. You two have been together for 3 years and I highly doubt that he'll be able to forget about you so easily.
Buttaflyy Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 True what Violet said, but also realise that he may want to stay an ex. You didn't list the circumstances so I don't know if he's worthy of you boggling your mind over him, but there was obviously a break up. Are you not accepting that? If he's dating, maybe he's moving on. I'd hate if you were holding onto false hope. Only you know your story. Is it over?
destination_unknown Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 You were together for three years, he wont ever forget you luv. You are still better to go NC. It will give yourself some time to think and gather up all that strength you have. There is absolutely nothing keeping him away from you, that is what he has chosen. I know that is a painful realisation to come to, but it will help you in the end. What good is contacting him going to do? My ex is with another girl and I went NC finally for myself to have some peace. (Now my situation may be different because I treated him badly at the beginning of our relationship.) I went NC the day he said he was with someone else. Couple of weeks down the line and first I get a text and then an email, I replied to both with general bland conversation because I'm not into games. I will not initiate further contact, and have decided if he contacts me again I will have to tell him its better if he didnt. I have no idea what he is doing emailing me when he has a girlfriend, maybe curiosity, maybe guilt over how he treated me in the end, maybe regret. Its irrelevant, and my point is that the benefit of NC is really not to get them back, its to give yourself the time and perspective to realise it didnt work so its best to move on. You will find somebody else, I have. And thankfully I have learned from what my ex and I went through in our relationship. Hopefully this one will be better. Honestly, I didnt want to find somebody else, like the pink song, I wanted to punch people who said it in the mouth. I thought it would take me at least a year to even think about somebody else, but it happened in two months. Take time to heal yourself. If you find it hard to do NC, try this. Put a date on your calendar, (at least three months from now, more if possible) and say I can send him a message on that day and ask how he is. This worked for me because it was easier to do that than deal with saying "you can never contact him again". I chose a date five months after I started NC, which would have been this September coming. What happened was the more time that went by that he didnt contact me (he lasted a few weeks), I thought, well he didnt care if I was sick / had an accident (which i did) or how i was, so why should I care? It also gave me time to distance myself from memories / emotions relating to him while having that reprieve of being allowed to contact him in sept. Now I know we are better apart and I wont be contacting him in sept, both for my sake and his. I will probably get mauled for publicising my own twisted version of NC therapy, but it might help you stick to NC when your struggling with it. It must hurt alot when the break up is still so raw for you that he is with somebody else, its a double whammy. Alot of people would say, try not to think of him and her, but again the opposite worked in my case. I sat there and thought of the emotions they would be feeling and things they would be doing and it helped my break whatever connection I thought I had with him. Do you have friends and family around you right now that can keep you company?
BadChoices Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 I've read the many posts on NC, but how does this work if your ex is seeing someone else?? Wouldn't that just give him more time to think about her and less about you? My ex has been seeing someone for a couple of days now and I'm afraid that NC will just make him want to be with this girl seriously and forget all about me. We were together for 3 years and broke up a week ago, so I think he just started seeing her to get me off of his mind. What do you think? After a 12 year rocky relationship, my ex broke up with me about 4 wks ago(for the 3rd time). Almost immediately he was and still is seeing another woman. (She stayed at his house for 4 days straight during the holiday) Like you, I too thought that he had completely forgotten me. I cried myself dry. However, after initiating NC for 7 days, he called last night just to chit chat. He said he misses me and it was good to hear my voice. Although it was a temporary fix to ease my sorrow, we both know it's over, and I am still determined to move on. When we first broke up, and I would see her at his house---it devastated me, and I had all these images of them laughing & talking among you know "other things". The way I got through that part was to remind myself that she is not really getting a "prize" she is just getting a cheater and someone who will eventually treat her like he did me. I don't know your circumstances, but we deserve better! Keep coming back to this board.......it has really helped me to stay strong, and it's true what they say.......it is getting a little bit better as time passes, but I have a long way to go!
heartbroken411 Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 What everyone said was very helpful. It is very difficult to just not talk to him, but maybe it is for the best. We had a very strained relationship toward the end and I love him and miss him dearly, but that will pass and I'll find someone else. Life goes on. Thanks
GW7147 Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 I dated my ex for 6 months (somewhat insignificant compared to others on this thread but, I still developed strong feelings). My ex broke up with me saying she needed to deal with the repurcussions of her divorce. Now I find out she's dating somebody. I've been NC since about 2 weeks after we broke up (10 weeks now) and there has been no contact whatsoever. Since I heard she started dating somebody else, I've been sooo tempted to email and tell her off. As much as I realize I probably shouldn't, the thought keeps creeping into my head. I know it won't do me any good but feel I could just get these feelings out of my head and let her know what I think of her (she may not even care). I'm fairly certain, she's moved on and doesn't think about me eventhough we had a good relationship. She always claimed so was so happy being with me and she's never been treated so well by anybody. If I do send the email, I don't think it would matter as I doubt there's a chance for reconciliation. It does hurt to think that somebody could just walk away, start dating somebody else and we, the dumpee doesn't matter or we're not thought of anymore. That's a tough pill to swallow. If you had a significant time together, which you did, I highly doubt he forgot about you.
My_Other_I Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 I've read the many posts on NC, but how does this work if your ex is seeing someone else?? Wouldn't that just give him more time to think about her and less about you? My ex has been seeing someone for a couple of days now and I'm afraid that NC will just make him want to be with this girl seriously and forget all about me. We were together for 3 years and broke up a week ago, so I think he just started seeing her to get me off of his mind. What do you think? If he is seeing someone else, you don't need anymore answers. Use NC to cope with it and to heal yourself, not to get him back. He is gone. He is most likely looking for a rebound, but if I were you I'd wait for him to call. If you pursue him, you might just push him further away.
sacred cow Posted July 10, 2006 Posted July 10, 2006 Okay, I had been a rebound for this last month and a week after she dumped me, she's now seeing a new guy...so does it make him another rebound? i can't believe this girl, it's like she's got insecurity issues or something
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