AriaIncognito Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 So, recently, I was broken up with because apparently we are "too alike". So I was wondering, has anyone here ever broken it off with someone because they were too alike to their partner? What was it that turned you off about it? Did you regret leaving, later in life? Realize what you lost, so to speak? My ex and I had a lot of similar beliefs, even though we were from different religions and even different parts of the country. We shared similar thoughts on money, family, career, etc. It seemed great in my opinion. However, he seems to believe that there needs to be more differences in the people in a relationship. I'm not out to "change his mind" about what he prefers. If he doesn't prefer me, there's nothing I can say or do that will change that. However, I wonder if this is the last I've seen of him. I don't feel as if it is. I know I need to move on, and am going to do my best to do just that, however, I also wonder how common it is that a man says "we are just too alike". Opinions anyone? Jennifer
agnf666 Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 Well, I have been in this similiar situation.I was dating this guy a few years back, we dated for a few months. We were exactly alike. Same likes, same dislikes, the list goes on. It was too the point were we both got bored with each other. Kinda upset it came to that but in the long run it is better to be with someone a little different then you because it fills in the pieces that you are missing.
Author AriaIncognito Posted July 7, 2006 Author Posted July 7, 2006 As far as I know, neither of us got bored with the other. It just seemed it was a pre-emptive strike against that occurring. I dont know. Maybe it would be best that I assume we'd have gotten bored of it, but I guess I would have liked to have had the chance to find out... Jennifer
Outcast Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 I've been in a situation like that and I liked it. Instead of wasting energy over our differences, we knew exactly what each other was about and could go about turning our attention to the rest of the world together. I don't honestly know how anybody can actually get bored on this planet. If you count on your partner to provide your entertainment or be *the* item of interest in your life, you're done for, IMHO.
Tim'sAngel Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 Hmm.. remind me why this is a bad thing? My SO and I are alike in alot of areas, all the important ones anyways. He is the first one of all the men I've dated that shares that compatibility with me. I love it!! Did he not go into detail on why this was a problem?
Author AriaIncognito Posted July 7, 2006 Author Posted July 7, 2006 Agreed, Outcast. I look at my partner (when I have one) as someone I get to experience things with. I can't say I've ever gotten "bored" with a person in particular. It's forever a learning experience, when you're dealing with the coming together of 2 lives, in any capacity. I'm not sure how that can be boring. Maybe some people just think that relationships are supposed to be exciting and new and whatnot all the time? Me, I tend to be more realistic. Relationships change, grow, mature, etc, and you can't always expect the other person to provide you with your "entertainment" or to not come up boring once in a while, but then again, look at yourself. I for one know that i'm not always the life of the party, in a relationship or otherwise, so if people were all counting on me to keep them from being bored....lol. Personally, i loved this about our relationship, however brief. I thought it was amazing that I finally found someone that seemed to understand where my mind was, and how it worked, so that I could focus on other aspects of the relationship, like how to please him and nuture the relationship in general. Maybe to him, that would get old, I dont know. He says that he's going to have a hard time finding with someone what he had with me, but for some reason, he is also willing to risk it, so more power to him. Now, that doesn't mean I dont pray to God he'll come to his senses... I'm very afraid of being spoiled now that i know what that kind of connection feels like. I'm afraid the bar is being set so high now, that it'll be hard to live up to. I hope I'm proven wrong, one way (him coming back) or another (me finding love with another man). Jennifer
Author AriaIncognito Posted July 7, 2006 Author Posted July 7, 2006 Hmm.. remind me why this is a bad thing? My SO and I are alike in alot of areas, all the important ones anyways. He is the first one of all the men I've dated that shares that compatibility with me. I love it!! Did he not go into detail on why this was a problem? To be honest, he didn't. He just said that he thought we were too similar, and he said that it's just hard to override someones "prewritten rules" (assuming he meant people tend to expect to find a person with qualities X and Y for a relationship and seek out partners with those attributes). Apparently, he's told himself for years that he'll not be with someone alike to him, so it's best to look for people not like him. Maybe he thought people like him didn't exist (lord knows I have a hard time believing there are people like me, but i found him didn't I). I'm not really sure. Generally, he's just seemed really confused because he always said he had a great time with me, and it felt nice, but that he didn't feel himself letting go, and that must mean there was a problem with us as a couple. He says he wants a committed relationship, so apparently it's not a commitment phobe type thing. In general I've seen it as a way to keep himself from getting hurt. I am the first person he's been pseudo serious with since his 4+ year relationship split up. We didn't come without our differences either, if you recall other threads, I've mentioned he's Jewish and I'm not, and that I wasn't sure how much of a factor that was in his allowing himself to fall for me. (but in my mind i dont see why you'd date outside your faith if it were that much of a deal breaker for you). Anyway, yeah, so confusing to be on my end. Love him and miss him to death, but I'm doing what he wants, and trying to move on without him. He would like us to maintain a friendship, when/if I'm ok with it. I'd like that too, if nothing else can be of it, but I know that will take time, since the feelings still exist, more than likely not just on my end. I truly believe this man cares/d for me, but for whatever reason, was afraid to let himself be happy in a relationship. Wish my crystal ball was working, I'd love to see how this one is supposed to pan out. Jennifer
Tim'sAngel Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 Yea it sounds like he was just looking for an excuse to get out of the relationship, albeit a lame one at that! Maybe he was scared it was too good to be true? I've made dumb excuses for that reason. Any chance he will change his mind in the future? I didn't think Jewish people dated non Jews. Was he a non practicing Jew?
Walk Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 Either the man is completely naive, or he's using it as an excuse. Even two people who aren't alike can get bored with each other. Having someone who shares your outlook on life is like having your favorite blanket wrapped around you. It's comfortable, its warm, its happy. Maybe your guy doesn't know what he wants and needs a little more experience to knock him around a few times before he realizes how good he did have it. I wouldn't count on him coming back. But it doesn't mean he won't look back later and remember the time with you as something wonderful. Something to strive for in a future relationship (after he gets his head on straight). But don't close down your heart on the hope he'll come rushing back to you. It should prove that there are other people out there for you who are compatible with you and who share your outlook on life.
ashnicole Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 I've never heard of that happening, to anyone. Honestly. Maybe he's just not comfortable with it? Maybe he's a "debate" type person, and he wants to have intelligent conversation about why he thinks what he does, and have someone explain why they think what they do? Yeah... that's a little far fetched - scratch that. Me and my boyfriend are alike in just about every area but religion, and music. We compromise on all of it, though. He studies the Bible, etc... and he gets what he gets from it, and as long as he doesn't tell me that my feelings/thoughts are "wrong", then he can think/have an opinion on whatever he wants to. He's allowed that. So, I guess... no, I don't really understand why being alike is a bad thing.
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