Just Believe Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and 2 months. It has been wonderful. A lot of bad things have happened to both of us and we've been there for each other through it all. We fell in love and we're so happy. All of a sudden he called and said he didnt want to be with me anymore because he thinks he disappoints me all the time, he thinks im too dependent of him, and " some other things " of which he wont eliborate. All though he still calls and i still call him and we talk like nothing is wrong. And now he says hes not sure what he wants to do but he wants to remain best friends either way. Ive been sick because of all of this because i cannot imagine losing him. He says he still loves me, cares about me, and trusts me, but he doesnt know what to do. My home life has fallen down the drain and Ive finally had the nerves to stick up for myself and say how i feel, when i did, he said that was a good step and he was proud. He keeps sending me mixed vibes and all i want to do is win him back. I truly love him and i know he loves me. How do I convince him we are meant to be?
Winfield Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and 2 months. It has been wonderful. A lot of bad things have happened to both of us and we've been there for each other through it all. We fell in love and we're so happy. All of a sudden he called and said he didnt want to be with me anymore because he thinks he disappoints me all the time, he thinks im too dependent of him, and " some other things " of which he wont eliborate. All though he still calls and i still call him and we talk like nothing is wrong. And now he says hes not sure what he wants to do but he wants to remain best friends either way. Ive been sick because of all of this because i cannot imagine losing him. He says he still loves me, cares about me, and trusts me, but he doesnt know what to do. My home life has fallen down the drain and Ive finally had the nerves to stick up for myself and say how i feel, when i did, he said that was a good step and he was proud. He keeps sending me mixed vibes and all i want to do is win him back. I truly love him and i know he loves me. How do I convince him we are meant to be? First off, you can't convince someone that you and they are "meant to be" - it just happens. It is a feeling which must be mutual, and must also be reciprocated. No matter how much effort you put into a relationship, it should (theoretically) always equate to 50/50. It's only fair... He doesn't know what he wants (or so he says), so how are you supposed to know what he wants? Good for you in telling him how you feel , but his reaction seems a little strange, by neither taking the initiative to keep the relationship going nor end it. Well, if you've told him where you stand, given him an ultimatum and he still can't give you a straight answer, turn the tables around on him and tell him that you don't know what you want (besides, there's nothing more tedious than waiting for someone to give you a straight answer, time being of the essence and all that ). This will leave the ball in his court to respond, and may help to put an end to the "will he, won't he" doubt in your mind. Good luck!
Guest Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 I am so scared of losing him and making him angry that i dont want to say how i really feel untill im sure we're okay. I know thats wrong but i wouldnt have gotten through what i did without him, and theres still a lot going on in my life that i need him there by my side for. He knows i love him and would do anything to make him happy. He kept calling me like normal but yesterday he just stopped. and today he's supposed to pick me up but hasent called to confirm or say what time. Im scared hell end up standing me up again.
spinnelli Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 Honey, you can't make up a man's (or woman's) mind for him. When people begin to get wishy washy like that in a relationship, you just have to back off and give them room to breathe, let them process and see the light on their own. You should never have to convince anyone that you are the one for them, because if you do it now, you get to do it for as long as you're together and that is draining and it sucks all the self-esteem out of you. If you try to win him back, you would always have to "prove" to him how great you are and why he should be with you. It's like jumping through hoops, or being some kind of a circus "look at me, look at me" freak just to get someone to focus their attention on you. You didn't mention that you did anything wrong so remain who you are, the person he fell in love with and let him decide, ON HIS OWN, if he wants to be with you or if he doesn't. I know it hurts but start moving on and picking up your home life. Your happiness depends on you so start making that happen for you, even if it's slowly, like dinner with friends here or taking a walk there. Start controlling the things you can control, like your own life, and give up trying to control the things you can't, like making him decide if he wants to be with you. My situation is a bit similar to yours, and I've just started to live my life as if he's not coming back, as if he's never going to decide. And you know what? it's kind of refreshing. I don't sit at home moping anymore. None of us can imagine losing loved ones, but you know what? it happens everyday and people move on and life goes on. Even if he doesn't come back, it is not the end of the world and it certainly is not going to be the end of your world.
destination_unknown Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 You dont need him by your side to get through the hard times in your life. It may be that what you need is to go through those times on your own, and come out the other side knowing how strong you are. When you know you can get through anything alone you are in a much better position in life and in relationships. Honestly, I think you should go NC and concentrate on yourself and getting the other stuff sorted out. Yes, thats hard to do but the situation with your ex is only ADDING to your problems right now. Sorry your having a hard time.
Author Just Believe Posted July 8, 2006 Author Posted July 8, 2006 Ive been trying to give him his space to see if maybe he is just stressed. We are both apart of an Emergency Medical Sqaud. He is the leuitenant and i run on the ambulances ( usually together .) Tonight there was this big thing in town and both ambulances and the rescue truck were out there. which means we needed at least 3 full crews. He calls me and says hell pick me up on his way home from work to take me there. So 630 comes around and he didnt show. Turns out, he went straight from work to the Ambulance building and stood me up. Meanwhile, I figured he got tied up at work, so i just drove there to find him there already.I never said anything about it. I figured Id just let it go. Then the whole time me and him had to walk around selling things to benefit our squad, we laughed together but it was like we were on our first date. I was afraid of what to say to him. I asked him if it was alright if i held his hand and he said yeah ( i was so used to holdng his hand all the time.) He didnt seem too into it though. I go to church every sunday and pray every night.I also work with little kids and we all made pray beads together. I decided to make him one for good luck. I put them in an envelope with a card that basically just said how much i loved him. I also bought him the book called " Live as if youre dying." He kinda seemed to like them but he always is weird when he gets presents. I left my car at the building and he drove me home ( i figured we could talk a little ) so i began to ask him how he felt and the whole time he kept saying how tired he was and still needed to get his head on straight. So i let it go and told him a little about how I felt. I started crying because it envolved bringing up past things that have happened to me. So he kept tickling me, trying to get me to laugh, and telling me to smile. All I wanted to do was fall into his arms. I told him i loved him and he said " you know i love you." We got out of the car and he gave me a big hug and kissed me and asked me to stop crying. I have a lot going on in my life so ive basically taught myself how to not cry, but when im with him i cant help it. So by then i didnt know how to stop. I felt like i was going to throw up. So then i asked him " So, we are kind of together?" and he said " yes." I thought that would make me feel better but it only made me cry more. I decided itd be best if i just went inside and let him go get some sleep. I wanted to wait outside for a minute so my room mate wouldnt notice i was crying, but he wouldnt leave untill he was sure i was okay inside. Before he left we hugged, kissed, and both said " i love you." He called me when he got back home to let me know he was okay and that he was going to bed but as we were hanging up and i said " i love you " he just said " goodnight hun call me tomorrow ." It hurts so much that he says he still loves me but wont say it. What do you think all of this means now?
MarnieGirl Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 i usually found that i finally stopped saying i love you when it felt like a betrayal to myself and the other person. the words just wouldn't come out. that's how i knew it was over. you're still in a transition, and you're not really back together. he is probably going through times where he is still questioning what he wants. being with you is when it's easier to say i love you; on the phone, it's easier to hold it back. if you were really all super-lovey-dovey, "i love you" every five minutes, you wouldn't be where you are in your relationship. maybe you're saying it to him too much, and he wants you to tone it down, since you are, in fact, in a holding pattern right now. could be a lot of things.
AriaIncognito Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 Just Believe....for starters, I'm sorry that you're going through this. It does indeed suck to feel this way. Breakups are hard (even though you currently aren't broken up so to speak, it seems inevitable from your posts). Unforunately, we can't make someone be the one for us, as much as we want them to be ours. I love my ex with all my heart, and would love for him to be "the one" for me, but if he doesn't feel it, I certainly have no say in that. Knowing that you manipulate someone into a relationship, won't last. You'll just always question his feelings, if you had to work that hard to get him. Your best bet is to learn that we only have ourselves for support. All others in our lives, are transient at best, and you never know when they will be taken from you, either by death, end of relationship, geography, etc. It's best to be comfortable with yourself, as much as you can, so that you don't feel like you need to stick with someone just because other things in life are hard. That's the wrong reason to be in a relationship. Chin up and good luck, Jennifer
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