NightsInWhiteSatin Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 Reading over some past conversations and emails....without my rose tinted glasses...i've realised why my ex is my ex....ignore the reasons he gave me...ignore the 'tears' he said he cried...sod all the cr*p he came out with...the bottom line IS - HE DIDNT WANT ME and still DOESNT WANT ME despite all the 'love' he supposedly felt. Never mind - 'maybe one day...maybe in the distant future...maybe theres a chance' Bottom Line Is - HE DIDNT WANT ME So therefore...he's not getting me back....infact he's not getting anything at all from me whatsoever ever again. If he didn't want me that's exactly what he's going to get...NONE OF ME. end of story. Ignore the soft spot i still have left it doesnt matter....it's all died....everything there ever was between us both he ruined it, all of it. Yo guys lol having a vent, the ex is emailing his new lyrics to my best friend who he's never had anything to do with before now....so obviously he wants them passing on to me....he's such a f*ck wit....he'll do anything to get to me. I must not react i must not react i must not react!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Brittanyjean06 Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 The things ex's sometimes to just to Piss their ex off ! Don't let all of it get to you he is your ex, your supposed to feel this way and in time you will be over him thats what they all say! I'm hoping their right!!
Curmudgeon Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 There's usually a good reason why an ex is an ex. Sometimes it just takes awhile to discover it. Now that you know you don't have to give him a second thought. His loss, right?
toonicegirl Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 after my break up i was thinking like you...but i found love shack and this post it was posted by kittenmoon Because people change, because they make mistakes, because sometimes the circumstances of daily life are just against your relationship. Because sometimes the grass looks greener when it really isn't. Because sometimes the person is right and the timing is wrong. Because sometimes you gotta forgive. And finally, because nothing's definite until you're dead. i have to agree with this...you never know what life is gonna bring
Diver012 Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 after my break up i was thinking like you...but i found love shack and this post it was posted by kittenmoon i have to agree with this...you never know what life is gonna bring I have to force myself to aggree with this post.... The alternative, which to me is, it didnt work out because something is fundamentally wrong with me, I dont want to face. Im going back to the "Im a Good Man" attitude, or at least im trying to.
KittenMoon Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 I have to force myself to aggree with this post.... The alternative, which to me is, it didnt work out because something is fundamentally wrong with me, I dont want to face. Im going back to the "Im a Good Man" attitude, or at least im trying to. Since I got quote above, I might as well weigh in. One, I agree with what I said before/above. Two, I also agree that often an Ex is an Ex for a good reason. Three, it's rarely as b+w as "something is fundamentally wrong with me", etc. The problem of living in a world with infinite possibilities is that our relationships also hold infinite possibilites, interactions, etc and sometimes its for the best and sometimes its for the worst. Doesn't really help heal the hurt, but...
fireflywy Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 I have to force myself to aggree with this post.... The alternative, which to me is, it didnt work out because something is fundamentally wrong with me, I dont want to face. Im going back to the "Im a Good Man" attitude, or at least im trying to. I felt that way too following my break up. Today, as I was coming into work I was playing a conversation in my head about what I say if given the opportunity to express myself. I realized that damn it, there isn't anything fundamentally wrong with me. I tried to make it work, I had the courage to put my heart on the line and risk it getting burned one more time. I showed true love, compassion, and selflessness in the face of pain. Even now, I'm still continuing a journey, walking through pain, picking myself up, and examining ways to make myself a better man. I need to remember that THEY gave up, THEY walked away. They didn't truly have the eyes to see. They didn't care or have the strength to stay the course. It's not that they're necessarily a bad person, they just didn't truly recognize the person before them. Maybe someday they will, maybe they won't, maybe they'll see it in someone else. Who knows? While I may be frustrated at their inability or unwillingness to truly see me, I'm not truly angry at that person. I can only hope that maybe someday they learn to open their eyes for their own sake. However, they are no longer part of my journey.... All that matters now in my journey is the fact that we did... that we tried, and that we continue to do so for ourselves, speaks volumes about our character and inner strength. Maybe it was misplaced and put into the wrong person but imagine if that fortitude was put into something worthy? Imagine taking that strength and love and someday finding it placed with the right person who could return it. Imagine one day having a child who can look up to their father as a hero because he loved openly and was always there. Who never gave up, who stood by their mother, who was an example for them to take into their own lives and future? In the end, while we may not be perfect and when we have our moments when sometimes it seems the darker days don't always allow us to shine the way we want or the other person thinks we should, we're good men because we try. There are so many out there who don't and they are the ones who bring hatred and darkness to the world. I'm a good man, you're a good man, and anyone on this board who opened their heart to feel is a good man. And someday we'll find a "good woman" who recognizes that within ourselves. And they will be "good" because they will stand by us in our moments of weakness with the same love, compassion, and determination to pull through as we will for them. Tha's my rant for the day.
Author NightsInWhiteSatin Posted July 7, 2006 Author Posted July 7, 2006 wow guys didn't expect such a responce.... Guess we're all trying to make sense of things arent we... I tried to give reasons for why he walked away...even made him excuses... At the end of the day it doesn't matter why they walked away...the circumstances...all the reasons...etc... Just remember at the end of the day, they walked away from your love...they walked away from what you had...the didn't want it...and they were willing to take the risk that they'd never get it back again...they didn't value it's worth. Why give them anymore of yourself than what you already have?
fireflywy Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 wow guys didn't expect such a responce.... Guess we're all trying to make sense of things arent we... I tried to give reasons for why he walked away...even made him excuses... At the end of the day it doesn't matter why they walked away...the circumstances...all the reasons...etc... Just remember at the end of the day, they walked away from your love...they walked away from what you had...the didn't want it...and they were willing to take the risk that they'd never get it back again...they didn't value it's worth. Why give them anymore of yourself than what you already have? Amen to that!
KittenMoon Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 Just remember at the end of the day, they walked away from your love...they walked away from what you had...the didn't want it...and they were willing to take the risk that they'd never get it back again...they didn't value it's worth. Why give them anymore of yourself than what you already have? Would all the water in the world to drink do anything for a person who was starving? As I think a lot of people point out, love isn't everything. It's a wonderful thing to have, but if you aren't right with yourself, someone's love won't fix that. So, when they leave us, it can be because of the relationship, because of the love. However, it can also be something in themselves, something not necessarily related to a relationship, but that damages or destroys it none the less. Or it can be something in us. Maybe we're the ones starving and we don't realize it. Just a thought. I guess it goes back to the "You can't really love anyone else until you really love yourself" thing.
2020vision Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 This is among one of my favorite theories to ponder after a break up. Maybe it has something to do with the book I read "Its called a break up because its broken" (That book helped in so many ways its ridiculous.) It is important to be realistic about your ex, and this is awesome that you have come to this conclusion. Good for you!
In Sync Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 Just remember at the end of the day, they walked away from your love...they walked away from what you had...they didn't want it...and they were willing to take the risk that they'd never get it back again...they didn't value it's worth. Why give them anymore of yourself than what you already have? Bravo! **Applause** Bravo! Well said and to the point!
Author NightsInWhiteSatin Posted July 7, 2006 Author Posted July 7, 2006 Bravo! **Applause** Bravo! Well said and to the point! lol cheers! It's been seeping in slowly but it finally hit me when i was reading emails 'he' sent me after he dumped me and conversations we'd have over msn....and he just want to keep me for himself even though we werent together and i was so blinded by love i let him for a few weeks....then i realised he was keeping me on a line dangling there waiting for him jumping as and when he wanted me. Can't believe i let him do that. I won't be suckered in by him anymore....no matter what lyrics or songs he throws my way! I've held NC for this long and i will continue to do so for a long time to come....he didnt want me and thats what he's gettin...none of me!
toonicegirl Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 i kind of agree with you, even though i also agree with "never say never" thing.... there was a time when i broke up with my now ex-boyfriend (few months before real break up)....he cried on the phone... i was mean... but i broke it off cause i was mad at him, that he's to busy and doesnt have time for me....i didnt break up cause i didnt want his love or him... i wanted him to do something and he did, we came back to eachother after a few days... sometimes you just think that the break up is a solution for all problems.... sometimes you come back to dumped person, sometimes not...but it doesnt mean that he didnt want my love or me.... he had the other problems, frustrations....now he is with somebody else, cause she seemed more cool to him, probably he thought that i was too boring, and that her crazyness will bring more fun to his life and help him deal with reality...well...i dont think so...after two months of dating, they are already having problems
In Sync Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 lol cheers! It's been seeping in slowly but it finally hit me when i was reading emails 'he' sent me after he dumped me and conversations we'd have over msn....and he just want to keep me for himself even though we werent together and i was so blinded by love i let him for a few weeks....then i realised he was keeping me on a line dangling there waiting for him jumping as and when he wanted me. Can't believe i let him do that. I won't be suckered in by him anymore....no matter what lyrics or songs he throws my way! I've held NC for this long and i will continue to do so for a long time to come....he didnt want me and thats what he's gettin...none of me! I personally think that this stage of acceptance is a turning point. It's courageous, because facing the truth and with the resolve to stop the self imposed cycle of clinging to false hope takes inner alot of inner strength. It's easier to stay on that treadmill of being 'suckered in' than to actually pull the plug and get on with your life. Yet when one does it, a certain element of "Yeah..I can make it and will!" rings with confidence, so I commend you!
Chinook Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 However, it can also be something in themselves, something not necessarily related to a relationship, but that damages or destroys it none the less. Yeah, sometimes... s*** just happens. My relationship was fine until I got cancer. He didn't talk to me about how freaking scared he was to lose me and I didn't talk to him about how damn scared to death I was of dying... thereby enforcing a gulf which had never existed. Problem was, from my view it looked like he didn't love me. He did. He just didn't know how the hell to reach me. From his view it looked like I had completely closed him out and shut down because of how angry I was with him (and I was). But it wasn't that at all, I was so scared of being rejected again. I'd been damaged beyond belief and I didn't need to see him turn away from me.... so I walked instead. It wasn't that I didn't want him at all. I did. But I wanted him to want me too. He did want me... but he wanted me to want him too. It was all fecked up and went to hell... sad thing is, two years on we both lost. We can't go back. I'm trying to hang on to the fact that everything happens for a reason because all I got at the moment is 'it didn't work out when the s*** hit the fan' and we were both to blame.
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