Guest Posted July 6, 2006 Posted July 6, 2006 I tried no physical contact with my MM, but couldn't take the pain of not seeing him. After six weeks, I agreed to see him. We talked a lot, missed each other more than anything. We have been talking all along, I don't know if I am ever going to be strong enough to break away for good. The bond we have is very strong, he has thought of leaving his wife, but I have told him I can't be the reason, it has to be what he wants with or without me.
Sami_D Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 Guest, have you read OldEurope's posts on this subject? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t68968/ You were doing exactly the right think in keeping up NC. NC ensures that, should he decide to leave, the MM isn't leaving for the OW, but is leaving a M for his own reasons... that the M has become unfulfilling. You do not need to think of NC as being 'forever'... just one hour, one day, one week at a time... don't think about how long it may take, or where the road is taking you (or him) ... just keep it up. (I broke my NC after 4 weeks, and we had an exchange of emails. Now we are back in NC again because we are sure that the A is not what we want. This is my 11th week. It does get easier.)
Guest Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 [quote= You were doing exactly the right think in keeping up NC. NC ensures that, should he decide to leave, the MM isn't leaving for the OW, but is leaving a M for his own reasons... that the M has become unfulfilling. You do not need to think of NC as being 'forever'... just one hour, one day, one week at a time... don't think about how long it may take, or where the road is taking you (or him) ... just keep it up. (I broke my NC after 4 weeks, and we had an exchange of emails. Now we are back in NC again because we are sure that the A is not what we want. This is my 11th week. It does get easier.) We are still talking, mostly through email occasionally on the phone. It is so hard not seeing him, but I am trying as best as I can to be strong. I have been taking it one day at a time hoping it will get easier. Those six weeks apart were the hardest, but I keep trudging along trying to keep busy. I thought he was having an easier time away than me, but when we saw each other I knew the weeks were just as hard on him. It was only after not being together for so long, that he finally admitted his feelings to me. Although I knew all along. It was supposed to be a casual fling but never panned out as we planned. Yes, I know that sounds terrible, but its the truth.
bunset Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 We are still talking, mostly through email occasionally on the phone. It is so hard not seeing him, but I am trying as best as I can to be strong. I have been taking it one day at a time hoping it will get easier. Those six weeks apart were the hardest, but I keep trudging along trying to keep busy. I thought he was having an easier time away than me, but when we saw each other I knew the weeks were just as hard on him. It was only after not being together for so long, that he finally admitted his feelings to me. Although I knew all along. It was supposed to be a casual fling but never panned out as we planned. Yes, I know that sounds terrible, but its the truth. Doesn't sound terrible. Love can happen, even when we don't want it to.. just like it can fade when we least expect it. But heed Sami's words. If he leaves his M on his own, the victory is that much sweeter. You deserve a whole person not one who requires you to complete him. Take the NC thing one day, one week, one month (my current goal) at a time, then renew your contract with yourself. NC means all NC. emails and phone calls do not help either one of you begin the process of becoming a whole person on your own... otherwise you're cheating yourselves out of clear thought to achieve that goal. Think about it. Let your love for him be the bond to see you through.
Sami_D Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 We are still talking, mostly through email occasionally on the phone. It is so hard not seeing him, but I am trying as best as I can to be strong. I have been taking it one day at a time hoping it will get easier. Those six weeks apart were the hardest, but I keep trudging along trying to keep busy. I thought he was having an easier time away than me, but when we saw each other I knew the weeks were just as hard on him. It was only after not being together for so long, that he finally admitted his feelings to me. Although I knew all along. It was supposed to be a casual fling but never panned out as we planned. Yes, I know that sounds terrible, but its the truth. Apart from one day in February, my MM and I didn't see each other since last December. We weren't trying to be NC then... that was just the unfortunate nature of the R at that time. You say your MM has developed deeper feelings (or found out what he already felt) for you during this time of reduced contact. This is good. But don't allow this declaration of his to change your mind about what is for the best. This happens so often... there is reduced or NC, and the MM makes a declaration of feelings... and the OW then thinks ah! Progress! But it will be short-lived 'progress' if the OW gives in at this stage. If you want him to leave, want him to yourself (is this the plan?), then you must continue with the reduced contact. IF you feel it's appropriate, you should institute complete NC. It really is the only way to move these relationships forward. Did you read OldEurope's thread on this? Please do, because it's really helpful. Best of luck.
Sami_D Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 Let your love for him be the bond to see you through. Hey bunset... those were words I needed to hear about now. I'm on my eleventh week of NC and some days are terribly hard. I often feel that it's a battle of wills between us (which it is, in a way), but what helps me is to remember that this is what we both want, we're in this together, and I have to be strong enough to give him the time to do what he needs to do.
bunset Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 Hey bunset... those were words I needed to hear about now. I'm on my eleventh week of NC and some days are terribly hard. I often feel that it's a battle of wills between us (which it is, in a way), but what helps me is to remember that this is what we both want, we're in this together, and I have to be strong enough to give him the time to do what he needs to do. Letting your love for him see you through does sound so trite.. But fact is, it is that love that will get you through. I don't see any point in denying the love. Love that doesn't give you everything you dreamed of is still love. Your love for him can still feel good, even if you let him go. Enjoy the love, be grateful for it. I even said that to my xMM the first time I let him go. "Thank you for the love."
Sami_D Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 Letting your love for him see you through does sound so trite.. But fact is, it is that love that will get you through. I don't see any point in denying the love. Love that doesn't give you everything you dreamed of is still love. Your love for him can still feel good, even if you let him go. Enjoy the love, be grateful for it. I even said that to my xMM the first time I let him go. "Thank you for the love." Let him go..? Don't be ridiculous!
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