Devrapunzel Posted July 6, 2006 Posted July 6, 2006 So, he broke NC after 6 days, now what? Some of may have followed my situation...there's a lot on the line here. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t92672/ Anyway, he called last night. I didn't know if I should pick up, but I did. He just called to "see how I was doing", he chatted about work, the July 4th weekend, etc. He said he misses me sometimes... I casually and humerously said "sometimes, huh?" And he responded "actually, a lot." He also said that his friends (actually became OUR friends) are perceiving this as a break between us and not that it's actually done. He said "he hopes it wasn't a bad thing that he called" and I said "it would have been a bad thing if you had called to tell me that you want to close on the mortgage." He just laughed and said "no". The call ended casually. So now what? I have already decided that I will reinitiate NC, but what was that all about? Was that "I just want to make sure you're still there" call? Or was he expecting me to be more forthright and start asking about the relationship, etc? I really don't know what to think or what to expect next???
Author Devrapunzel Posted July 6, 2006 Author Posted July 6, 2006 Oops....thread came through twice. Sorry about that. Being new to this, I'm still trying to work out why some of the posts come through with all that weird font-text stuff.
a4a Posted July 6, 2006 Posted July 6, 2006 My guess is he is feeling you out....... he could be curious to see how you would react. He has strung you along before correct? Regardless of his reason there is still that huge issue you have. I believe if I were in your shoes I would simply tell him to make a decision so you can move on without him if he cannot budge on the family issue.
scrybe74 Posted July 6, 2006 Posted July 6, 2006 I think you are killing yourself overthinking this. Honestly no one knows what's going on in his head but him. You should ask yourself this question....if you could read his mind 24/7 - always know what he is thinking - would you change your whole life around armed with that information? In other words, would you just be reacting based on what he's thinking? I think it's better to focus on yourself for now. You've clearly laid out on the table that you want children and that it's important to you. Better than that you took some real action which shouts loud and clear that this really matters to you. What you DON'T want is for him to come crawling back you to have children with you just to make you happy. You want a man (preferably him) who ALSO wants children. Think about it....even if you two decide to get back together...you need to be sure that having children is what he really wants and not just giving you lip service. Or....you may have to reconsider and accept the idea of not having children at all to be with the man you love. Or....consider that you may just have to find someone else to share your life with and raise a family. Try not to spend so much time second guessing him. It'll just make things worse for you. Continue with the NC, focus on work, family and friends and give him all the time he needs to figure things out for himself. He doesn't need any help from you.
Author Devrapunzel Posted July 6, 2006 Author Posted July 6, 2006 Good replies. Scrybe, you're right, I am killing myself overthinking this. However, I feel like everything is just hanging out there and it's hard "to move on" with those terms. So, he wants a few weeks or whatever and not close on anything (ie. mortgage). My point is "why?" Will this really help? I kind of agree with a4a in that I should just ask him to make a decision already so I can get on with things. Yet, if I do that, that may be perceived as pressure and not respecting his request for time. You know, a few weeks won't matter much in the grand scheme of things, but I also know I won't move forward during that time either.
Chinook Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 He might just need a bit of time though to REALLY think about whether he does want what you want. Can you hold out a bit longer and just see how it goes...? Don't dance around this until some more time has passed... not really sure how much time but he sounds like he needs to realise what he's missing. One of two things could be happening... he could be realising he actually does love you and he may want what you want and just isn't sure... (it's a huge decision to take) or he could be weighing up whether you are going to be his best option, so he's going to need to make some adjustments. Either way... he still will need time to work it out. I think I'd want him to work out he wanted me though... and he does want a family and he isn't compromising his values. Sometimes, when we're in a relationship situ, we automatically compromise our values for our SO. It could be that he didn't think he could with this... but now, faced with completely losing you... he realises he may want to compromise his values. Or he could be just jerking around. Time will also tell you on that one.... after which, I'd get him to cut the crap and sort everything out.
Author Devrapunzel Posted July 8, 2006 Author Posted July 8, 2006 Can you hold out a bit longer and just see how it goes...? Don't dance around this until some more time has passed... O.K. so you are suggesting I give him some more time? But then you say "DON'T" dance around this....please clarify as I'm confused (brain a bit foggy lately) I am a GREAT option for him. I'll just leave it at that. I hope he's actually taking the time to consider and not just jerking me around. I don't want to sound naive, but why would someone intentionally jerk someone around that they love and when it could come at financial costs to the one doing the jerking? P.S. BTW, we talked again the following night (WED. night) after he broke NC the day before and the conversation turned really sour fast. He was an *ss. I tried to remain really calm. Anyway, long story short, he called last night to apologize. I didn't pick up the call (hard not to, but a g-friend was over, etc.). He left a message saying he was sorry for the way the conversation went last night, he was such a jerk, he could see where I was coming from, so sorry, etc. What do you make of that?
Chinook Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 Gah! that's what ya get for posting in the middle of the night when you feck your own sleep pattern up What I meant was, give him a little more time but not too much time! And be wary of the rollercoaster he has going at the moment (with the calls).
Author Devrapunzel Posted July 9, 2006 Author Posted July 9, 2006 Thanks Chinook. The plot thickens....we talked yesterday and decided to attend a friend's wedding party together. Long story short: he came back to my place, we had amazing sex (sorry if TMI) and he spent the night. This morning over breakfast, we talked some and he said he still wants the two weeks. He said he is leaning in a direction, but wouldn't tell me what that is saying "I'm taking the two weeks". I reiterated that at the end of two weeks a decision will be made. Final. If he is still waffling, I'm walking. As much fun as last night was, I am questioning if that was a good move. Shouldn't he just know already and stop d*cking around here? I have no idea what's going on now and I'm half-tempted to just call him and say "it's done NOW". My friend strongly advises not to call and just wait out the two weeks. Quick advice on this now that the plot has thickened?
Chinook Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 Dev, it seems to me you have not really got any option but to wait. I agree that he should just pull his finger out of his arse and get on with it. My theory is, if someone wants to be with you, they will. If they're dicking around like this... there's room for them to pull you from pillar to post all the time. I wouldn't call him. I'd zip back to NC mode - except this time don't take any calls, replies to email etc. He wants two weeks... he gets them. Then after two weeks when he's been trying to email and call you, you call him and ask him his decision. If he messes around then - I think I'd be pulling the plug on him.
Author Devrapunzel Posted July 9, 2006 Author Posted July 9, 2006 Well put. That's exactly what I'll do.
Author Devrapunzel Posted July 11, 2006 Author Posted July 11, 2006 Chinook, where are you? Need that advice again as I'm ready to cave. It's only been two days since I've seen him and I'm ready to just call off the b.s. already. Interestingly enough though, he called me Sunday night (as you recall he had just left my place Sunday morning). I foolishly picked up because I was expecting a call from my g-friend. Anyway, back to today....I want to just call and say cut the b.s. already. This two week wait is incredibly difficult, not to mention hard to understand. IMO, if he said he is leaning in a particular direction, he must know already what he is going to do, so why wait - either way? Why should I endure the wait?
Chinook Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 Good lord, I hope I'm in time. Been a busy day today. No, do NOT contact him. Don't do it. Really. Trust me. You're right, he should know one way or the other, but if you push him, he's likely to go the WRONG way. You want him to come to this decision because HE wants to - not because YOU pushed him. Now is the time to DO ANYTHING ELSE and EVERYTHING else but call him. Fortunately for me, I've been in NC so long now, it's pointless even thinking about calling or mailing or whatever.... so it makes no difference. You're gonna have to wait this out girlie. And don't take any of his BS meanwhile... screen those calls. If he calls you, make sure the answer machine kicks in and DON'T pick up and your g-friends...? Get them to call your cell so you can see who it is calling and then call them back. Go out. Ride a bike, take up running, go for a walk... ANYTHING but stay around the house by yourself. DO THINGS. I'm not kidding, I've had more than enough experience of being by myself during NC to know how lonely it is and how drawn out it seems - but it isn't. It's only 2 days / 48 hours. You can do this. Really.
Author Devrapunzel Posted July 11, 2006 Author Posted July 11, 2006 Yay Chinook! You were still within time. I didn't call yet because I knew he wasn't home from work yet anyway. You're right, he should know one way or the other, but if you push him, he's likely to go the WRONG way. You want him to come to this decision because HE wants to - not because YOU pushed him. You're right about this. HOWEVER, my fear is that I'll wait the two weeks and he'll still be wishy-washy and then I'll have to end it anyway. Then I will have endured the wait for nothing. That could have been two weeks where I has some "moving on" time happening. My God, if two days is this hard, how will two weeks feel? The only good I could see happening from waiting is that I won't have to look back on this and think "Geez, I wonder what would have happened if I had waited?" But then I return to my frame of mind in the previous paragraph and just want to end this already. Uggh. What in the h*ll is two weeks going to do for him anyway?
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