mel679 Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 Hello all, this is my first time posting and I need a little advice... I have found myself in the strangest situation. I left my ex boyfriend about 9 months ago. Him and I were always at eachother's throats basically because he was a pig and flirted with other women frequently and drank too much and had anger problems... About a month ago after not talking for 5 months straight, he calls me and calls me and texts me and I gave in thinking that I could be some sort of friend to him...Pure denial...Heres where the bad part comes in..he has a girlfriend. And for the last month we have been sleeping together whenever he can get away. I don't know why I allow for this kind of thing to continue. I guess in some way I feel its "special" I know its sick, but I just cant seem to break away. I feel like its some sort of revenge maybe Because his current gf is a girl that he would "flirt" with and go out for drinks with while I was still with him. I feel like crap everytime after we have sex because first off, I know he is never coming back to me and just using me and second, because I feel bad for her and can't help but think Karma will bite me in the ass some day. Two wrongs don't make a right, ya know? Any advice would be greatly appreciated...thank you in advance. -Mel
Tim'sAngel Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 Just think, what he is doing with you right now is what he was doing to other women while you guys were dating. :sick: Just that thought alone would do it for me!! At least you recognize what is going on, now all you have to do is sever the ties. It isn't fair to you and it isn't fair to the gf. Its very degrading actually. I think you already know what you have to do. Are you just seeking validation?
silentcharon Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 Hello all, this is my first time posting and I need a little advice... I have found myself in the strangest situation. I left my ex boyfriend about 9 months ago. Him and I were always at eachother's throats basically because he was a pig and flirted with other women frequently and drank too much and had anger problems... About a month ago after not talking for 5 months straight, he calls me and calls me and texts me and I gave in thinking that I could be some sort of friend to him...Pure denial...Heres where the bad part comes in..he has a girlfriend. And for the last month we have been sleeping together whenever he can get away. I don't know why I allow for this kind of thing to continue. I guess in some way I feel its "special" I know its sick, but I just cant seem to break away. I feel like its some sort of revenge maybe Because his current gf is a girl that he would "flirt" with and go out for drinks with while I was still with him. I feel like crap everytime after we have sex because first off, I know he is never coming back to me and just using me and second, because I feel bad for her and can't help but think Karma will bite me in the ass some day. Two wrongs don't make a right, ya know? Any advice would be greatly appreciated...thank you in advance. -Mel Hi Mel, I can somewhat sympathize with you. However, this isn't healthy for you. You could leave him again, like you did the first time, and maintain nc again. Do you still have feelings for this guy? That is what I would do if I were you.
In Sync Posted July 6, 2006 Posted July 6, 2006 Hello all, this is my first time posting and I need a little advice... I have found myself in the strangest situation. I left my ex boyfriend about 9 months ago. Him and I were always at eachother's throats basically because he was a pig and flirted with other women frequently and drank too much and had anger problems... About a month ago after not talking for 5 months straight, he calls me and calls me and texts me and I gave in thinking that I could be some sort of friend to him...Pure denial...Heres where the bad part comes in..he has a girlfriend. And for the last month we have been sleeping together whenever he can get away. I don't know why I allow for this kind of thing to continue. I guess in some way I feel its "special" I know its sick, but I just cant seem to break away. I feel like its some sort of revenge maybe Because his current gf is a girl that he would "flirt" with and go out for drinks with while I was still with him. I feel like crap everytime after we have sex because first off, I know he is never coming back to me and just using me and second, because I feel bad for her and can't help but think Karma will bite me in the ass some day. Two wrongs don't make a right, ya know? Any advice would be greatly appreciated...thank you in advance. -Mel You are taking revenge out on yourself. Why are you really allowing this treatment for yourself. You obviously see that pattern is not out of love...and you don't feel good about it, so why are you doing it? To hurt her? To hurt him? Have you put this guy so far above you that his rejection of you earlier makes you think that having sex with him while he "has a gf" is hurting anyone but you? I'm not stating this out to point a finger at you in judgement but hopefully to awaken you to the point that you are reacting out of feelings of low self-esteem. No man is worth doing something you are not proud of. And I think that the longer you continue sleeping with him and feeling "bad" the more you are diminishing your self-esteem. Your own sens of self value. Don't sacifice that to anyone because that the one thing no one can take away from you... it is up to you and you alone to guard that part of you with all your might and integrity.
Author mel679 Posted July 6, 2006 Author Posted July 6, 2006 Thank you for your replies. No man is worth doing something you are not proud of. That is profound, thank you. Its strange when you are caught in the middle of something how you don't realize things like that eventhough its only logical. I also feel some sort of sick joy out of the fact that he still likes seeing me occasionally and talking to me everyday, because I know that if something wasn't missing in his new relationship he wouldn't want to see me. But, I guess the fact of the matter is that he has something missing in him. I remember being with him and nothing was ever good enough. Guess he still has the same mentality. I have gotten so used to talking to him constantly, that its become almost a habit talking to him again. Although, it still hurts hearing him say something with "we" in it, referring to him and his gf. I just have to draw the line and move on.
In Sync Posted July 6, 2006 Posted July 6, 2006 Thank you for your replies. That is profound, thank you. Its strange when you are caught in the middle of something how you don't realize things like that eventhough its only logical. I also feel some sort of sick joy out of the fact that he still likes seeing me occasionally and talking to me everyday, because I know that if something wasn't missing in his new relationship he wouldn't want to see me. But, I guess the fact of the matter is that he has something missing in him. I remember being with him and nothing was ever good enough. Guess he still has the same mentality. I have gotten so used to talking to him constantly, that its become almost a habit talking to him again. Although, it still hurts hearing him say something with "we" in it, referring to him and his gf. I just have to draw the line and move on. You are blindly confusing his missing you with using you. This is not love, like, or even physical attraction..he is in fact being deliberately cruel to both you and his "gf". By playing on your feelings for him. If you love, like, or even remotely care about someone would you get pleasure in just using them only for sex. And that is the bottom line here. You are being used for the sex. If you love someone, like someone...would you reduce that person to just being a person for physical gratification? THIS IS WHERE YOUR ESTEEM NEEDS TO PICK ITSELF UP. No one here can do it for you. Maybe this guy isn't aware of his own selfishness, alot of people do things just to satisfy their own needs. That is neither a sign of maturity of growth. That is a sign of a person still being infantile. With disregard to those they hurt around them. I can only say, you are not making a chocolate cake if all you have is dirt and water. What you got is mud. Remove yourself from this ugly picture. Leave this alone. Value yourself and have some faith that a man (I mean in character not just age) will be there for you with love and respect. That's worth more than a quick lay...
Author mel679 Posted July 6, 2006 Author Posted July 6, 2006 You are blindly confusing his missing you with using you. This is not love, like, or even physical attraction..he is in fact being deliberately cruel to both you and his "gf". By playing on your feelings for him. If you love, like, or even remotely care about someone would you get pleasure in just using them only for sex. And that is the bottom line here. You are being used for the sex. If you love someone, like someone...would you reduce that person to just being a person for physical gratification? THIS IS WHERE YOUR ESTEEM NEEDS TO PICK ITSELF UP. No one here can do it for you. Maybe this guy isn't aware of his own selfishness, alot of people do things just to satisfy their own needs. That is neither a sign of maturity of growth. That is a sign of a person still being infantile. With disregard to those they hurt around them. I can only say, you are not making a chocolate cake if all you have is dirt and water. What you got is mud. Remove yourself from this ugly picture. Leave this alone. Value yourself and have some faith that a man (I mean in character not just age) will be there for you with love and respect. That's worth more than a quick lay... Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post with so much thought and wisdom. I honestly never thought I would be in this kind of situation. Now, do I tell him that I no longer want to speak with him, or just ignore him? Probably best to just drop off the face of the earth. BTW, I also listened to the audio clip in your signature. The only word to describe it is outstanding.
In Sync Posted July 6, 2006 Posted July 6, 2006 Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post with so much thought and wisdom. I honestly never thought I would be in this kind of situation. Now, do I tell him that I no longer want to speak with him, or just ignore him? Probably best to just drop off the face of the earth. BTW, I also listened to the audio clip in your signature. The only word to describe it is outstanding. Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. As for further contact with this guy...what for? Look, you of all people don't owe him a word of explanation. And anything you could say to him would not be of much difference to him. Otherwise he would not have engagaed in this perverse triangle with you. Silence is not only saying volumes to him..it's a message to your owe psyche that you've had enough of this b.s. I mean really if you stepped in dog poop do you need to really go back to it and say hey poop you've got crap on my shoe...uh get my point. You walk away scrap the muck off and get away from the stinky mess. Listen, we all been there..thinking that we can bargain with an ex by using sex and thinking we'll take what we can get...like we've still got em...This is the deepest form of denial we can be in. It's a lie. No matter how you spin the story. So now you know. There's no blame here, no judgement you were acting and doing from the best of your knowledge..(as I said I have been there and so have many others) Now here's the kicker...you were reacting from ignorance. You thought it was helping you to get revenge. But from this day forward if you continue to mess around with this worthless dude..you will be doing more mental crap to yourself because you now know what's going on. You would only be lying to yourself and hurting yourself even further by ignoring the truth. Trust me on this one. You can't unknow the damage you are doing to yourself by continuing to sleep with him and thinking you are fine with it. Or gaining from it. AND when he finally gets through or bored of sleeping with you because the thrill is gone and he goes back to his gf or another available girl..DO you think you'll feel proud of this later done the line. Uh, it will be on your mind for a long long time. My advice is to walk away with your pride intact. Work on loving yourself. That should be your primary goal now. Value you. No one can do that for you!
jerbear Posted July 6, 2006 Posted July 6, 2006 Take a look at this link also from In Sync. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=90869 It has helped me get a better understanding of letting go. Forget revenge forget two wrongs, etc... Sometimes just let it go.
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