Teacher's Pet Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 Today is my first day back to work in 12 days. After my breakup (6/19), I was so devastated that I took a week off from work (the week of 6/26), and then came the long holiday weekend, so today is my first day back. I am not looking forward to going into work. At my job (inside sales), we have a required amount of "productivity" they look for each day. The week after my breakup, I was down 50% on a daily basis. I couldn't function at work. I was hurt, depressed, and literally sick to my stomach over her. I still am. Thankfully, this is a short week, so I'm going to try and just "force myself" to get through the next 3 days, which will then give me an additional 2 days of rest. I have to admit, the last 2-3 days, I haven't been AS MUCH of a mess, but I'm still in a lot of pain (emotionally/physically), my appetite has come and gone (either I overeat, or I don't eat at all), and I still desperately want to see her and talk to her. Not knowing if she's actually with someone else is what hurts the most, and (un?)fortunately, I'm going to probably find out tonight when I talk to my best friend. Last night, a mutual friend of theirs (my best friend is female) threw a July 4th party that, to the best of my knowledge, they were both at. I was invited, but obviously, not a good idea. My friend promised me a "full report", and yes, I'm afraid to know the truth, though I am bracing myself for the worst (as far as I know, she IS seeing someone else, so if it's true, I kinda already know it..it's just hearing it that's worse.) My best friend is very supportive of me, and she knows how much I hurt, and wants to see me happy. She is friends with my ex, too, but her loyalties are with me (we've been friends for years, she's only friends with my ex through me, but they still are casual friends)..... Going to work, I guess, is a good thing, because that gives me 8 hours of "forced NC", but honestly, I have no ambition to work. I have pains in the pit of my stomach, I tremble, and I feel like at any moment, I'm going to burst out crying. I am very "popular" at my job, I'm even considered one of the "troublemakers" (yeah, I'm a wise guy!), so those last few days when I avoided all contact with my coworkers, they knew something was up. The more they tried to pry to see what was wrong, the worse I felt. They know me and my gf broke up, but they also see me as "Mr. Cool" (go figure), so I had to invent another reason for being upset (told them there was illness in the family - yeah...ME!) That was enough to get them to ease off on me. Taking this week off was both a good and bad thing. I needed time away from work to clear my head (as a side note, also to look for a new job since I am MISERABLE at my job and guess what....I'm 90% sure I DID find a new job in something I REALLY WANT and I'll know in a few days if I never have to return to this depressing office ever again!) They say every cloud has a silver lining. If I get this new job (I work in the entertainment field), I will have found mine. I've already made a promise to myself. If (WHEN) I get this job, I will dedicate myself to being as successful as I possibly can (one of our issues early on in our relationship was that I had no professional drive - which is totally untrue... early on in the relationship I spent so much time developing it, I really slacked off at work!)..... I have plans on making it big time in my field (maybe I'll get into that at a later time), and that will open a LOT of new doors to me, professionally AND socially. Until then, I'm a sad, miserable "little boy" pining for his Baby..... .....and I miss her so badly it still makes me sick inside. -tp
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