123456 Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 My girlfriend and i (shes 18 im 19) dealt with many problems throughout our 2 year relationship. We were strongly in love, and believed that we found our true loves in eachother. When things were good, our times together were the happiest moments of our lives. These problems however, slowly ate away at our happiness. We still had every desire to be together, yet many of these problems seemed to be out of our control. A major problem involves her parents. Due to events following a period of time where i was under severe depression, her parents forced me to never talk or see her ever again. Although we did not talk for a period of time, she chose to talk to me again one day, and our love for eachother brought us back together. However, we chose to keep our relationship a secret from everybody. The breakup occured as a direct result. She felt guilt for lying to her parents to be with me, and her general happiness was depleting and nothing I tried to do improved that. She felt that making me happy (by being with her), will make her feel more guilt (and make her unhappy). On the other hand, we couldn’t be together if she chose to stop lying to her parents. She was basically stuck in a rut of unhappiness, and i was unhappy to see her in this state (and I was generally unhappy from my depression). I care about her alot, and i thought something has to be done. We talked for awhile and mutually realized that the best course of action would be to separate. We decided that we would use the time apart to regain our happiness. We also stressed that we still love eachother, and wont start new relationships as long as we still love eachother. Finally, she said that there will be a *chance* that we will be together again, IF we’re both happy again and IF she figures out a way to start a relationship under full happiness. I don’t know if I consider this a breakup or simply a break…but nonetheless, it’s a separation. Seeing how we did not specify a certain period of time apart, I don’t know if we’ll get back together. She did mention that she’ll still come back even if it takes years…but that’s not really reassuring. I know this was a necessary time apart, but I cant help but feel that its completely over with her. We did go through many breaks in the past, but this feels a lot more permanent. Since we’re in absolute NC, im afraid that even if she stops loving me, I wont know about it. At the same time, I want to respect the NC rule and not talk to her until she is ready. I really don’t want to lose her, yet I definitely think this separation is necessary. Technically, we’re both single now, so it gives me scary thoughts that she may find someone else…cause theres always a chance in the future that her love can fade. The happiest moments in our lives were when we were together with no problems, but im afraid she’ll find an equal level of happiness without me (and find that theres no need for me, or stop loving me all together). We’re both not superficial people. We respect the principle of a relationship and really do love eachother, but technically, we’re no longer in a relationship at all. We considered this quasi-break as an official break up, yet she still tells me she will come back. Im very confused, and very sad/depressed since im considering this as a break up (cause its likely she wont return). I will try to achieve happiness again regardless of whether she returns or not. But nonetheless, my life wouldn’t be complete without her. I need happiness but I also need her. Im willing to wait as long as it takes, but if it ends with her losing all love, she’ll make me wait for no reason. I just don’t know how to analyze the situation. Should I be expecting that she wont return? Should I believe that she’ll come back no matter wat (and always love me)? How do I cope with being apart from her for an unspecified period of time? HELP! p.s. forcing her to talk to her parents about us, or something along those lines is impossible for now...the reasons why they dont let us be together are pretty severe so please give me advice while disregarding this option.
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