dub03 Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 So I was at a BBQ tonight at one of my best friends place, and an acquaintance of mine asked me if I was still seeing that same girl the last time she had seen me. I said, "Actually she broke up with me yesterday." She asked me a few questions about what happened and I told her. As I was telling the story, pretty much every female in the room caught wind and wandered over to listen and chime in. They asked me if I would get back together with her if she wanted too, and I said yes, but I'm not going to wait around for her. The girls were like what!? They said you need to woo her all over again and show her how much she really means to you. I said I don’t think I am going to talk to her again, so I can try and move on. I told them, "I think that if she wants to come back to me she will." At that moment the girls jumped all over me, and basically told me that I was being a stubborn fool. They were like, how do you expect to get her back if you don’t talk to her. They said that if I act in that way she will think the breakup meant nothing to me and I actually didn’t really care about her in the first place. They told me that all girls think alike, which makes their argument a bit convincing. So what does everyone think? Do I just hang out with the craziest girls in the world and NC is still the way to go? Or do these girls have a good argument?
riobikini Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 re: Dub03: " At that moment the girls jumped all over me, and basically told me that I was being a stubborn fool. They were like, how do you expect to get her back if you don’t talk to her. They said that if I act in that way she will think the breakup meant nothing to me and I actually didn’t really care about her in the first place. They told me that all girls think alike, which makes their argument a bit convincing. So what does everyone think? Do I just hang out with the craziest girls in the world and NC is still the way to go? Or do these girls have a good argument?" These ***girls*** are selfishly arguing their *own* point. Take special note that their replies are the replies of *girls* -certainly not the replies of grown-up, mature, reasonable-thinking *women*. And that's where the difference lies in the types of answers you'll receive with this question. In answer to your main question, foolishly chasing after a spoiled brat will only exhaust you and fill you slowly with resentment; on the other hand, romancing someone with both her head and her heart in the right place to begin with, is normally well worth the effort, as well as there being less chance of disappointing either one of you by wasting your time and creating uneccessary drama with silly games. -Rio
jerbear Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 Dub, Many of these girls (and guys) defend their own gender when scrutinized. Occasionally, some may give insights to what is going on. It seems logical that NC means no way you two can communicate. I had a person who had a "mother" figure as a mutual friend. All three of us took classes together. She knew about us two with some omitted issues. Ex's motherly figure has kids my age and understands what is going on in my head. When she heard my part, she understood why I went NC on ex. Ex was also older than me. In time the "girls" that jumped on you may become that "mother figure" by birth or maturity.
MacGyver Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 This brings up a good point... One person says one thing, and another visa-versa. So who do you listen to in times like this? Answer: No one but yourself. If you think NC is best, then so be it. If you think otherwise, then...so be it. People will give you their advice, and its just that, ADVICE! You dont have to take it if you dont want to or feel its just "not right". I know a lot of people come on here looking for the "right words"/"answer" and sometimes end up doing something they may have not wanted to do, and i've seen it happen. As for these 'girls', fine they had their opinion/advice but its up to you to choose what to believe. In the end, NO ONE!!! and i mean NO ONE knows your relationship and how it was better than you do. Thus, sometimes, depending on your situation, NC can be a BAD idea, but so can the alternative. So, listen to others, get their advice/ideas/opinion, think about them and when your not as emotionally clouded, make a decision. Just take a "time-out" and think about all the advice you have been given, and decide what you think would be best. Peace.
Diver012 Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 NC isnt about trying to WOO the other person through silence. Its about you moving on. I am in pain as a result of this persons actions. Actions I was never even given the respect I deserve as a grown adult, of being informed about. For me, NC is a personal choice. I do not see her in the same light as I used to. I do not hold her in the same regard as I once did. It would take a LOT of wooing on her part before I could even consider getting back with her. Im not saying she doesnt have valid reasons, im saying teh fact she chose not to tell me those reasons and leave my ass hanging in the breeze, was 10,000 times more painful than if she were to be honest with me. NC is about you moving on, not about winning your EX back.
riobikini Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 re: Diver: " NC isnt about trying to WOO the other person through silence. Its about you moving on. .....NC is about you moving on, not about winning your EX back. " Jeezus Christ!!! (Pick me up off the floor...I fainted). Somebody 'gets it'!!! (Smile) Pass it on. -Rio
Brittanyjean06 Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 yeah these girls are talking out of their bitter ass's. This girl broke up with you, you start Nc and don't beg don't plead...thats all their is to it! have your dignity don't listen to these stupid idiots a real girl would have told you stuff to benefit from.
Devrapunzel Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 I agree with the others on these posts! Since she broke up with you, stay with the NC. If you had been the one to end the relationship, then I think there is something to be said for what these girls at the barbeque were telling you. But since this is not the case (sorry), I would stay strong with NC.
Author dub03 Posted July 6, 2006 Author Posted July 6, 2006 I dont think they were defending their sex, they were speaking from experience. And they are not necessarily "girls," I was just using that to destinguish their sex. They were all in their mid twenties to early thirties, so they've been around. I do realize and completely agree that NC is the way to go, and so far I have completely stayed strong. Its been really hard...I think about her all the time, but I have yet to say one word to her since we broke up. I left the break up mad, but I left it with dignity and I dont want to ruin that by doing pathetic groveling. However, I would like to get back together with her, but I know she wont call me even if she wanted too, because she is stubborn like that. People get back together all the time. A ton of married couples split up for a time while they were dating, my parents included. All I am saying is something has got to give at one point or another if its ever to happen....\
Spurned Posted July 6, 2006 Posted July 6, 2006 I think those women are basically just saying that if they were to break up with their boyfriends, they'd love for those ex-boyfriends to pine for them and to miss them and to NOT move on to see other people, because it would validate those women and make them feel special. It would be sad and emotional and the girls might feel sorry enough for them or sentimental enough for them to see that their relationship was worth another chance. Personally, in a secure relationship I don't think there is a need for those kind of games. I'm glad you agree that no contact is the way to go.
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