mark1210 Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 Hey Gang, So I met this girl about a month ago, fantastic person, educated, caring, funny, etc. We were still in the dating process up until about 2 hours ago. I have a certain set of deal breakers and one of those deal breakers is dating someone who is involved in the Adult Industry. This person apparently helped film and direct an adult gay film for extra cash. This before we started dating so I can't hold her to that and I didn't. However, when I asked if she would do that sort of thing again if she was dating or in a relationship with someone she said "if the opportunity came up, and the money was good, yes I would." I asked her what if made her boyfriend/spouse uncomfortable? She said, she would still do it. I told her that I couldn't be with a person that did that sort of work, and that it was a deal breaker for me. We left the restaurant and came back to her place so I could get my car. We hugged and wished each other good luck. On the way out the door she stops me and says, what is it about this topic that upsets you the most? I said: Intimacy and nudity is something I feel is shared between two people, not a cast, crew, and a bunch of money. And secondly, your answer tells me that you would choose money over the feelings and value of a relationship. She started crying and opened the door so I could leave. I don't know what the heck that was all about. Are my feelings out of line, was I being unreasonable? Still can't figure out how my answer made her upset. My sister thinks she will call me after she has reflected on it and tell me she has changed her believes on the subject. I doubt she will. If she told me she would never go back then I would feel much better. M
CO2 Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 I guess I see things a little different. Not saying that you are wrong. In my opinion, if the woman is having sexual contact with other guys, then it's a no go, but on the other hand, if it's with women, I wouldn't say much. That's just me, though. This is all about personal beliefs, so I commend you for standing up for what you believe in and your personal morals. Give her time, and if your sister is right, maybe this girl will realize she lost something good, and change her mind. Good Luck!
Author mark1210 Posted July 5, 2006 Author Posted July 5, 2006 Thank you for your input. It was actually with guys, gay guys. Irregardless though it still crossed my beliefs. In the meantime my friends are wanting me to go out and get drunk tonite and I feel I may miss her call and such. Man I am whooped.
johan Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 Well you stuck to your principles. Nothing wrong with that. I get the impression that this is not her full time job, and her actual job is something more respectable. I have two observations: 1) You have a problem with her involvement in that industry, but your reasoning is that it's violates the intimacy of two people. Well, it appears she was just on the crew, so I can't imagine it would have much effect on the intimacy between you and her. If you're concerned about the performers' intimacy, that seems like a reach. You didn't say it was about the debasement of values in society, but I imagine that is where you would go next. In that case, finding out she was just on the crew one time seems kind of unforgiving of you. 2) There is quite a bit of difference between what people say they will do and what they actually will do. She says she'd do it again, but if you were in the picture she'd have to factor that in. She says she would do it regardless, but that's just talk. If you got involved with her and she loved you she would listen to you when you told her you had a problem with it. Women can listen and aren't always as independent as they portray themselves. I think I would have told her what I thought of the whole thing. I'm not sure I would have categorized it as a deal-breaker. Just more like something to be monitored. If later on she did live up to her word and did disregard your feelings, then you'd have a stronger case. Chances are you'd have other examples of that behavior to look at along the way. That kind of thing doesn't stay hidden for long.
Buttaflyy Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 Your feelings are your own so I think that you did the right thing by ending it when you did. Otherwise, you'd be here posting how your GF's job is killing you. I wouldn't expect he to call though. She's made her choice as to what she feels comfortable with. That's fine. To each it's own.
Author mark1210 Posted July 5, 2006 Author Posted July 5, 2006 Thanks gang. My philisophy is I would rather cut my losses now based on what she told me than to wait a month, a year, etc and if the opportunity did arise and then lose her. Better a little pain now, than a lot later. She is very indepedant, and I could very well see her going against someones wishes because to her, she sees nothing wrong with it. I guess thats all part of dating, finding out little details about one another.
johan Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 This thread summarized: Original post: long, questioning, shows serious concern. Responders take the time to offer legitimate feedback on either side of the issue. Original poster's response: Oh well, thanks, you were no help, I already had my mind made up, I didn't really care that much about it in the first place, I'm going to get drunk.
CO2 Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 Thank you for your input. It was actually with guys, gay guys. Irregardless though it still crossed my beliefs. In the meantime my friends are wanting me to go out and get drunk tonite and I feel I may miss her call and such. Man I am whooped. You've only been dating for a month, so it won't take long to get over her, from my past experience. Yes, you may miss her calls, tonight and tomorrow, but it won't be for long. Drink a beer for me!
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