Questionable Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 I have been engaged for approx. 4 months now to an amazing man I've known for a year...I feel as though he is my soulmate...and I love him very much...I would love for us to live a happy life together. his past: works full-time. income just under $60,000. didn't finish college. one child with gf #1 they reside in the United States...he has not seen the child or paid support for him since he was born. I guess the two of them work out this arragement for the betterment of the child. two children with gf #2/lived common-law/then & now wife...they separated because of her irrational behaviour (people call her "psycho")...and she used the kids to hurt him emotionally and such...he stopped paying for the children when he met me (approx. 1 year) because she denied paternity and refused him to have access...she recently (May) filed for divorce and wants full custody...alimony...child support...and anything else she can get...my fiance knew that this could all happen at any given time...but when he met me he was telling me that he wanted to have 2-4 kids...I stay home with them to raise them, etc...but I don't see how that would be possible given the fact that he'll likely have to pay back-support for his ex and kids as well as legal fees...and payments for 16 more years...and possibly more depending on schooling/disability...etc...(he'd be paying approx. $20,000 for alimony and child support/yr) so he'll likely bring home $22,000/yr. right now, he's the only income earner so the $22,000 would be for us (two adults)...to live on...until I am done school... Recently, he has told me that he can't guarantee anything as far as finances go...because he's still in the midst of getting everything sorted out with his past. (I know that one of the leading causes of relationship breakdowns can be due to money problems). Finances play a huge role in future planning. he currently has no plans to try to "fight" for custody of the two children...he doesn't want to waste more money on lawyers and such for things to possibly turn sour anyways in the end (they go back with the mom)...but he says they are on his mind approx. every 2-3 weeks he thinks about them and he still has strong emotions for them...but he has to disengage from thoughts of them or he'll go crazy and not be able to perform well with his job/personal life/etc...I told him he should put the children before a relationship with a woman...he doesn't want to throw away his personal happiness with me for a chance to get his kids...the situation is quite complicated...I don't know how I can help him with his feelings for his kids...I can't take the hurt away... My past: no marriage. no kids. going back to school this fall. Should be done in April 2008. My questions... Do you think I should wait to see what happens with his past, then plan our future? Is it right for me to wear a ring at this time? (he's separated currently and divorce will be occuring in the future.) and when I talk about having a wedding (because I don't want to actually get legally married)...he doesn't want to even start planning...so does this mean he wants to figure out his past first so he knows where he stands financially? or is it because he's not even divorced yet?...these are all just guesses...but I'd sure like somebody elses opinions... what are your feelings based on the information I've provided??? YOUR COMMENTS ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED!!! THANK YOU! *HUG*
MrsHellFire Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 Amazing? He doesn't sound that great. If you got pregnant by him, chances are he would ditch you and the kids too. A man who doesn't give a damn about his kids is a big red flag. In fact, you said he was more worried about financials than fighting for custody. Um... he sounds like a liar too. BOTH WOMEN originally didn't want financial support from him??? UH.. YEAH RIGHT! "every 2-3 weeks he thinks about them and he still has strong emotions for them..." Every 2 - 3 weeks he thinks about them? You have got to be kidding me. "he doesn't want to throw away his personal happiness with me for a chance to get his kids..." LOL, he sounds like an UNBELIEVABLE deadbeat dad. Don't expect him to be any different with you and when he knocks you up. He will probably be onto the next skirt and saying the same garbage to her. It takes a month to think about his three children? THERE IS A REASON OTHER WOMEN DONT WANT HIM TO SEE THE KIDS!!! FIGURE IT OUT! THINK! YOU ARE ENGAGED TO HIM AND HE ISN'T EVEN DIVORCED YET??? GET ready for a miserable life with a selfish CHEATING pig.
bunset Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 I've seen this!! don't do it!! Wait. I just helped a friend get out of something VERY similar after almost 3 years. She's had to file a domestic injunction to get him out of HER house. Be wary and make sure he's on solid footing alone, before you get in any deeper.. at all.
theantibarbie23 Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 I'm sorry but this man is no father. He is a SPERMDONOR (as well as one selfish individual) and if you are even thinking of having children in the future, you need to drop this guy. Any man who only thinks about his kids every few weeks and would gladly wash his hands of them if they interfere with his "happiness" in any way, shape, or form is a complete scumbag. I wouldn't have anything to do with a man like him if you paid me.
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