samsungxoxo Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 Hey all, This is gonna be short and I know this sounds stupid but here's a question: If somehow by force you people have two chooses, which one would you pick. A) Getting cheated on and going through the hurt/betrayal B) Being the cheater and feeling horrible about yourself and bad about what you did to your partner Choose only one out of the two options, don't say none.
Trimmer Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 Kind of a wierd question, but imagining myself at the end of my life looking back, with a gun to my head, I believe I would choose to have been cheated on. Hey, look! I got what I wished for!!!
dgiirl Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 Interesting question. I've actually experienced both (with b, i kissed a guy i shouldnt have while in a LDR with another, but I still consider it cheating), and I can honestly say that I did a lot more learning and growing from experience B than A. Having experienced B and having the guilt and remorse, I now know the warning signs to watch out for. I know how things that seem innocent in the beginning can get carried away way too easily, and am now able to prevent things way before it even starts. In a weird screwed up way, I've been lucky that B did happen because of what I learned. I didnt learn much from experience A, cept karma bit me back in the ass. C'est la vie.
Nicholas Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 B) Being the cheater and feeling horrible about yourself and bad about what you did to your partner no question. i mean, it's a crappy question, "none" would be my choice but that's my answer if i have to have one. i'd rather manage guilt than grief.
ToriMori Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 I think I would rather be cheated on. I can't stoop to that level and hurt other people.. it's just not in my character and I can't possibly make a choice like that. I guess I would rather suffer than hurt someone I love. Seems I make myself suffer as it is.
witabix Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 I have already been the cheater, and I am still sickened by what I did. Disgusting behaviour. I admitted to it at the time and I have admitted to it since. The way to punish myself I suppose. I would choose to be cheated on, I have experienced that as well. It fills me with rage but at least I have done nothing wrong, lived up to my own morals, I am not to blame. I have been a skanky b*stard, but I will never again be one.
Author samsungxoxo Posted July 5, 2006 Author Posted July 5, 2006 Yea, I'm not sure what I would be in that case, I guess I rather be the cheatee than cheater. Till this day I have a little bit of a hard time if this was really cheating or not in my part, I dunno if I really cheated (thus ruining my image). This is how the story went 1) 4/23, guy been dating ask the question (If I would like him to be b/f), not really ready but admit it, first suppost relation 2) Five days later, find out from friend he isn't really a "good guy", he's a drug addict. I was at my friend's aunt's house calling him to dump him, no one answer the phone. I never left a message though. sometimes I don't leave messages. 3) I decided to go NC, while he (Thomas) keeps calling 4) 05/02, French kissed friend's guy friend Javier (afterwards I'm inform he has a finacee) 5) 05/04, finally get the nerves to call Thomas again and officially dump him and resume NC (no contact)
EnigmaXOXO Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 A) Getting cheated on and going through the hurt/betrayal Grief I can handle. Had enough practice to already know I can survive it. But "guilt" is a whole different monster that (for me) would take on a life of it's own. It's an easy matter to separate myself from someone else's inner demons if I know in my heart I'm free of any guilt or blame. But I could never run far enough away from "me" if I ever became all those things I resent the most.
grateful Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 I always thought I would never, ever cheat... that I didn't have it in me, that cheating would be impossible because of who I am, my character. And then I did it. Stopped it before it went too far but to me kissing is cheating. And the weirdest part - the guilt really isn't that bad. I think if I were cheated on, it would be much, much harder to handle. This is an honest statement that I'm not too proud of. It scares me because I think it makes me a classic cake-eater (OK, not totally classic because I am female). Not feeling all that broken up over the guilt means, to me, that I have to work harder to remain who I want to be - a faithful, honest spouse.
stillafool Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 I have been through both and would definitely rather be the one to be cheated on. When I cheated on my bf (back then) I was devasted that I caused him pain and lost him. I started to put him on a pedestal because he walked away from me. When I was the one who was cheated on and walked away I found a certain power in that. I also loved it that my ex (the cheater) starting chasing me relentlessly.
crzyblndstar Posted July 6, 2006 Posted July 6, 2006 I would rather be the cheater. I say this because, if I cheated and lost my SO then I would know that it was my fault and I caused it all. I had control over what happened and I made the choice. If I was cheated on, then I would probably have a pitty party for myself and keep asking myself why-oh-why did he do this? This is not what I wanted. This is all his fault that he ruined our relationship, and now there is nothing I can do about it. Sounds like I have a little bit of a control issue, huh?
silktricks Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 Cheated on. As difficult as the grief has been, the guilt would be worse.
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