sunnie23 Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 ok so about a month ago i posted about my boyfriend getting drunk and flirting with every other girl, and basically ignoring me at an event we were at. afterwards we discussed it, he apologized and spent the week making it up to me. everyone told me i was making a big deal out of nothing, who doesn't get drunk and act like an idiot from time to time? on saturday we went to a wedding together. we were having an amazing time, and of course we were both drinking. as the night went on and we had more and more to drink he got flirtier and flirtier with other women. i saw him pinch a girls behind, and i saw another girl coming on to him and pressing herself up aginst him. he wasn't pushing her away by any means, and i swear if i wouldn't have said anything they would have ended up kissing. when i pulled him away i told him i was leaving and he followed me out and apologized. he wouldn't leave me alone and i told him we would talk about it the next day. he kept complimenting me and trying to be affectionate, which i shrugged off. i am humiliated. one of his friends was also watching and told me not to get upset, that it was a drunken mistake and to forget it. he said my bf hadn't done anything and that the girl was trying her hardest to hook up with whoever she could. he then walked up to her and took her attention off my man (after i told her, and my bf off, of course). Since saturday my boyfriend has been calling me nonstop and pretty much begging me to hang out with him everyday. this is weird for him, as lately he's backed off a bit and has been giving me lots of space. he's an incredible guy when he's sober. but i feel like i can't trust him when he drinks. it's very rare that he goes out without me though, so i'm thinking maybe i am jumping to conclusions. also, the last time we went out together I was the idiot. For some reason I got really mad and yelled at him for no reason. he knows this behaviour bothers me. he tells me i shouldn't be so jealous because he would never cheat on me. his friends tell me he would never cheat also. but i'm a firm believer in actions speaking louder than words, and i can't help wondering what would happen if i weren't there to stop it. so now i'm thinking i have to break up with him, even though i don't want to. i mean, i really don't want to.
Walk Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 Is he happy with your sex life? Next time you two go out to drink, have sex with him first. See if it changes his behavior.
Stunner Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 Well, I think he needs to take responsibility for his own actions. IMO, you are doing the right thing by bringing it to his attention. But he is still CHOOSING to act that way. As far as jumping to conclusions...I don't think you are jumping at all...the facts are right before you. It may not happen all that often but it seems like you are trying to excuse make for him and ignore your feelings about it because he's so nice when he's sober. Maybe he should spend more time that way or limit his alcohol. I wouldn't put up with it either. It is disrespectful to you to carry on like that.
Author sunnie23 Posted July 4, 2006 Author Posted July 4, 2006 well i'm not sure what to do now. we talked about it, i let him take me out yesterday and the day before, and we had a good time. i don't want to be a nag, i have ruined relationships in the past by not letting go of things. any suggestions on whether or not to approach this, and if so, how to do it?
Tim'sAngel Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 Ok first of all... do not pay any attention to what his friends say!! Do you really think they would say "Hey Jane, I would dump John if I were you because he's a cheater!!" They are his friends!! Alright, now that we got that out of the way, I never ever take alcohol as an excuse. Granted yes, we've all done stupid things we regreted because we were in a drunken stuper, but then it was still our faults because we let ourselves get there. I've had to own up to many embarressing things because I was so inebriated I had no idea what I was doing, and if that happened now that I am in a relationship, would I expect my SO to say "It's ok hunny, I understand why you kissed that guy and grinded against his cock, you were just drunk"... HECK NO! The fact that he is all nicy nicy now that he's realized what he has done is like him adimitting he did wrong because he is trying to make it up to you. I hate to be the one to yell "BREAK UP!!" but this guy sounds like a real winner. It would be different if he would at least have owned up to what he did and quit drinking altogether because he obviously can't handle himself, but instead, he did it again, AND he did it in front of you. That is so disrespectful to you as his girlfriend!! I'm sorry, I don't this guy is worth your heartache.
megnog Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 yes yes, you are much better a person than i about handling that. i would tell him off and never speak to him again. i know it must be hard though because being sober i'm sure hes a saint. but if hes not willing to give up his drinking, then hes not worth it. we both know that had you not been there he would have done something stupid. he would realize it was stupid but it would be too late and hes not worth your time. there are far better guys out there sober OR drunk!
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