ctallen23 Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 Hey everyone. This sight is awesome and I appreciate everyone's comments. I want to apologize in advance for this long, drawn out thing! So here is my dilemma..... I met this girl online and we talked off and on for 3 weeks. We finally had our first date a week ago last saturday. Everything was fun and fine. We talked for hours, played pool, laughed and knew that we had the chemistry. We even closed down the pub and talked for another 1.5 hours at her vehicle. We finally kissed, ass grabbing. We both moved fast on the first date. Moving fast for me has always burned me down the road because I get needy and clingy sometimes and then I don't trust people as I should, which allows the women that I am dating at the time to bring their ex's back into the picture. I've been insecure for 6 years and the only problem I have is trust. Here's the thing: This girl that I met we had 3 fast dates in 5 days. I've never moved that fast before. I had asked her (two weeks before our first date) if she was seeing anyone else or interested in anyone else and all that she told me was that their were no guys and that she was talking to someone in Iraq for 8 months, never met him though. Our third date we are drinking beer at her place and I had suggested that I crash on the couch for the evening. She said ok. She made the comment of staying in her bed as long as I was a good boy. I crashed and slept ok. Nothing happened (period-that time of month). The next morning I see her cell on the table and I look through it. She had looked through my phone a couple of days ago and I had nothing to hide so I didn't care. Everyone is fascinated with it because it is orange and an MP3 player as well. I should have though. So I go through a few things and find this number in Vegas. I ask her about it and she says that it is nothing. If it was anything, she would have mentioned it. Well, she didn't mention the guy in vegas when she mentioned the guy in Iraq. She also told me that she frequents Vegas and has flier miles. I ask her a little more about this guy and she tells me that she met him on her b-day in Vegas...May 24th, 2006. She also tells in one moment that he is too young and that she doesn't date younger guys, plus he lives in Vegas. A couple of hours later she says that she is interested, that he makes her laugh and if he moved here or if she was there in Vegas that they would probably date. I mean she has only known him for a month and for her to be in Vegas for a short time, they really must have hit it off. I've been inseucre about this and don't know what to do. I want to take a step back and let her do her thing with this guy. All my past relationships were exclusive from the start. We knew where we stood and we weren't interested in others. I find this girl who has the same personality as me and we really enjoy our time together: I am not a big fan of dating one person but still interested in another. How can you give the potential relationship 100% when in the back of your or her mind would be like, "I wonder what if I was with him, how would things be?" I wonder that. I know that you can't change the future and should only focus on the present and positive things in it! Anyways, she went away for the holiday and this gave me time to clear out my own baggage and to be able to trust again. I totally disrespected her, insulted her, and judged her when I shouldn't have. This is all in one week! I had trust issues to deal with. Now that I have had this week, I can trust again. I am confused because I was the biggest a**h***, jerk there ever was for the week and she'd be mad for an hour and then act like nothing happened! We would laugh and see and have fun with each other. What the hell does this mean that I basically s*** on her, rip her apart and she is still here? I am definitely setting boundaries, guidelines, respect, trust and security as well. I am back to my old Chris. The one who is respectful, will trust, honest and open and who has a great deal of integrity and is not clingy and needy. We just started dating so we aren't in a relationship yet. We are still evaluating each other. We have fun, call or text each other often and we have lots in common. I would have given myself an F for the way I was to her but she is still here. She also says that she has gone 6-9 months of dating and not being exclusive. You either know after 2-3 months if you want to be exclusive or not, right? Not fair to the other person who probably has developed feelings and love. Well, any comments or suggestions I welcome. She is calling me when she gets back into town. I don't know what to do about her and the friggin' guy in Vegas. We aren't tied down or anything but I have never dated someone who was interested in someone else. New ground for me. Much appreicated! Chris
Author ctallen23 Posted July 4, 2006 Author Posted July 4, 2006 now that I think of it, in order for ex's to come back into the picture, there had to be communication and possible interests beforehand. Hmmm.....
Guest Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 sounds like you are in a quandry there, my friend. You got to go with what your gut tells you. If you think taking a step back is what is needed, then do it. If you want to give her the benefit of the doubt; take it one day at a time, don't put all of your eggs in one basket; slow down and get over the infatuation faze, then do that. It sounds like this girl wants her cake and to eat it too. But then again, you both aren't attached or exclusive, and hell, you are only a week into nothing at this point. Show respect, honor, trust and make her laugh and just be in the moment. Don't pre-judge or preconceive s***. Life is too short! Allie
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