Bogun Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 I was ready to leave this site recently, and then made the stupidest mistake by emailing my ex. An ex from well over a year ago! I thought I wouldnt be bothered by any response she gave me, even if she mentioned a bf. When she responded she basically told me what shes been up to in the last year. No mention of a bf, but just hearing about her life has really f***ed me up. Maybe even worse than when we broke up. If it wasnt for the anonymity of this site, it would be embarassing to still be here dealing with this break up. The thing is, I dont want to get back with her. Well, to be honest I'd love to have back what was, but I know its never going to happen. I'm tired of feeling so screwed up about this break up, and its got to the stage where I feel miserable, not so much because I'm not with this ex anymore, but because I'm still dealing with the break up and some of the things that went on during the relationship, while she has well and trully moved on with her life, or seems to have. I want to let it go, but its still stuck with me. I want to be happy again, and I want to forget about this girl. But as time has gotten on, I've realised there were things I had with her that are worth keeping a relationship for, but its too late to realise this now. Why didnt I see how lucky I was while I was in it?? So my question.....I'm so sick of feeling this way I'm thinking of getting some counselling. But I dont see how someone can help me get out of this mess. I know I'm reasonably intelligent, and I've helped a lot of other people in real life deal with some difficult experiences, but I havent found an answer to my own problem. Does counselling always help? I'm willing to give it a try, but I just dont see how it will help. I dont want to spend my life stuck in the past.
superconductor Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 Counselling can help, but the caveat here is that not all counsellors are created equally. In trying to manage a difficult past, two things must be addressed: Your feelings about what took place; and, An action plan based on those feelings and reality.It's been said that knowing you have an issue is half the battle. While that may be true, it is only half the battle. From my experience, there are hordes of counsellors that spend a considerable amount of time and effort getting to the root of #1, but then they assume that the hard work is done. (This probably comes from the Oprah-ization of pop psychology culture.) What is so often missing is a plan to actually do something, rather than sit and stew in one's feelings. Now, I don't know if there are good counsellors in f***ing or not (gotta love the name... I just had to work it into the response somehow!) but it's certainly worth a try. But before you leap headlong into sessions, interview the counsellor to determine their qualifications and whether or not the fit is right for you. And make sure, beyond doubt, that they will work with you to develop a constructive, active plan to move forward, instead of just ripping the lid off your feelings and then leaving it like that. Good luck! By the way, you're not the only one that has issues like this. It's extremely common.
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