sacred cow Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 ok so here's what happened, last month i met this girl and we hit it off instantly (I used David DeAngelo's cocky & funny on her), we started dating for two weeks and were constant companions since we go to the same school. At first she was soo into me that she would be the one initiating calls, dates and would always want me to be around her, then suddenly just when I was about to propose she told me that she's confused about her feelings that's why she needs some space, because she wasn't sure whether she sees me as bf material or only a brother (wtf?!). She was also experiencing problems at home like her dying grandfather and her annoying relatives which added up to her getting more confused. Then after her grandpa's burial, she called up me up to tell me that it's over and she doesn't have any feelings for me (kinda like dumping me) and said that we needed to have some space from each other for us to move on/recover. What I believed happened was that the attraction she felt for me kinda went off when I stopped being cocky and funny around her and when I turned into a wuss by expressing my feelings to early in the game and what not (she did say she was into me and that she loves me...so I assumed it was already safe...it's just that she still hasn't agreed to be my girl) She was also pissed about me not keeping my hands off her since I loved to touch her a lot (not feeling her up, ok), being the conservative girl that she is...she found this uncomfortable since we're not yet a couple and have only known each other for quite some time (though she also touches me like I'm her boyfriend...I just don't know what to think anymore). I also said some insensitive things during her grandpa's wake which really screwed things up like, how happy I was to be with her during that time (hello, her grandpa just died) and how she looked hot in white clothes (which really insulted her). My problem was that she didn't tell me at once what she felt during those times and just told me on the phone when she dumped me, she just assumed that I'd realize all my mistakes and that she didn't have to tell me what I'm doing wrong since I don't listen to her anyway (she did tell me to not to be too touchy like 3x and I just didn't take her seriously). 3 days after she dumped me, which was yesterday...I gave her a letter which says all the things I learned from her and thanked her for all the memories that we shared (she was still also mad at me for what I've said before which made me nervous that time) but she accepted it anyway. Now we're on good terms, but I'm afraid that I wouldn't be any more than just a friend because she did told me that she wouldn't take me back anymore and that I shouldn't keep my hopes up anymore...I dunno if she really meant it or if she was just angry with me that's why she said those things. I could really say that she loved me even for just a while, I just didn't know why her feelings changed so suddenly, I don't know if she just played me or if I was a rebound (she just came off a breakup before we met) or she just needed someone to comfort her during a difficult time in her life and found solace in me and when it was all over she just dropped me. Pls. help me, I tried to do NC on her but when she waved at me yesterday I nodded at her and walked past her...this afternoon when I saw her alone in the office I spoke to her asking something stupid like what she was doing in the office and went off, she was friendly to me but wasn't smiling like she used to...I'm afraid I'm doing it all wrong and messing up all my chances of getting her back by acting like a wuss who's still so in love with her
johan Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 You're going to have to take her at her word. She said it's over, and so the best piece of information you have is what she said: it's over. I suggest you don't put on anymore acts like you did, because what happened to you will happen every time. You'll have to drop the act at some point and it will be clear what your standards are for yourself. You're prolonging your own pain by hanging onto a bunch of theories about why she's doing this and what it really means. She told you. So don't make it worse by thinking anything different. So do what you need to for yourself for your own sake, because you need to be able to count on yourself when things get tough like this. Maybe you need an attitude change to become more confident and have a higher regard for yourself. But that's a problem completely internal to you. It has nothing to do with her. At some point, when you've developed a healthy self-image, you won't have to put on any act to portray yourself as confident and funny. You just will be. Reading a book about how to act is a shortcut around what you really need to be doing.
gfto Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 she called up me up to tell me that it's over and she doesn't have any feelings for me (kinda like dumping me) kinda? What more does she have to do to make a complete dump? Seriously though, when you stopped being cocky and funny, along with the fact that you were touching her all the time, you lowered her interest level. Although with only one month, it's difficult to say whether she really liked you that much in the first place.
Author sacred cow Posted July 5, 2006 Author Posted July 5, 2006 thanks! any other advices from other members?
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