CrazyJ Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 Hi, I have been with my boyfriend off and on for the past 7 months, we get along perfectly when we are together, he had been planning this overseas trip when we met! He is now away for 10 weeks, and I am obsessed with what he is doing, where he is etc etc.. We broke up about 2 months ago as he didnt want to have a commitment while he was away as he thought it would be too hard on both of us and travelling was something he needed to do before settling down.. About a month or so before he went away we started seeing each other again and all was good, until it came time for him to go away.. I am finding it very difficult to trust him while he is away, he told me before he left that he probably wont contact me while he is gone, as this is something he needs to do for himself, and doesnt want to make any promises to me before he goes. He knows I love him, and knows I will be waiting for him when he gets home.. But when i send him a text or email, he doesnt reply, he has replied a couple of times and when i ask if he is ignorning me he tells me he isnt ignoring me.. and i say to him that i just care and like to know that he is okay.. and that he doesnt understand.. and he tells me i dont understand.. that he told me he wouldnt message or phone or anything.. I dont know what to do.. I feel like i am obsessing over someone that doesnt even care about me.. but i love him and want to wait for him.. he has always been 100% honest with me and tells me straight. What should i do? how do i stop myself from being so insecure, and from obsessing, checking my phone 400 times a day as well as ringing his phone to see if it is on (it never is)..
Author CrazyJ Posted July 4, 2006 Author Posted July 4, 2006 He is touring South America at the moment, so this is why his phone is off most of the time, he is trekking... but after he does that he is travelling around USA on some tour all I know is he is going to the Las Vegas, Grand Canyon, San Francisco, and LA. But I do know that he reads my emails, and also reads my texts.. just chooses not to reply to them.
Pink Amulet Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 Well, when I was trekking in South America, I didn't really get the chance to contact my boyfriend back here very often. There are limited outlets (net cafes etc.) He seems to be acting in a very civillized way regarding your feelings. It sounds like he needs this time to just find himself, and have some independant, and care free fun without having to worry about what is going on back home. For your sake, think of it as a break and use it for your own "me" time. Maybe, join a group, start dancing, find a hobby. Distract yourself until his return, and when he is back start from there. Neediness, is not an attractive quality for a man. Just remember that he will miss you when you stop harrassing him with calls, messages, and emails. He is not going to forget you!
magichands Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 We broke up about 2 months ago as he didnt want to have a commitment while he was away as he thought it would be too hard on both of us and travelling was something he needed to do before settling down.. About a month or so before he went away we started seeing each other again and all was good, until it came time for him to go away.. He thought it would be too hard on him. He can't speak for you. I am finding it very difficult to trust him while he is away, he told me before he left that he probably wont contact me while he is gone, as this is something he needs to do for himself, and doesnt want to make any promises to me before he goes. So, he doesn't want to make any promises? I'm sorry, but to me that means you can't trust him. At least, he is not prepared to give you a commitment for a lousy 10 weeks! Feeling special? He has left you hanging.
magichands Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 Neediness, is not an attractive quality for a man. Just remember that he will miss you when you stop harrassing him with calls, messages, and emails. He is not going to forget you! An excellent point from one wiser than I.
Pink Amulet Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 I disagree Magichands with your first post. He sounds like a level headed guy. As I said, worrying about making contact while on adventurous holidays is next to impossible, as well as being plain annoying! He knew this. He probably realised there is a possibility his feelings for her may have changed while away on this holiday. He didn't want her to have to hang on to him while he was away, for her own sanity!
Pink Amulet Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 Haha I made the edit to say I was disagreeing with your first post. NOT your second post!!! Haha. Thanks magichands!
Author CrazyJ Posted July 4, 2006 Author Posted July 4, 2006 I know you are right.. I am just finding it quite hard to get my mind off him.. Yes i will definately have to take up a hobbie of some sort!!! Thank you for your advice and thoughts, they have helped
johan Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 He either loves you or he doesn't. Calling him a lot, trying to drag it out of him, won't change it. At least not for the better. Worrying about it won't help either. The fact is, if he loved you, he'd be loving you with actions and words. It's possible that your insecurities are clouding your ability to sense it. Backing off and relaxing a bit will help you see things more clearly. So take comfort in the fact that none of this is under your control. If he loves you, he'll come back find you and put things together. Nothing you do can change that. Just relax and let his feelings reveal themselves. If he doesn't have the right feelings, then he's not the right guy. You certainly don't want to waste any more time or energy than absolutely necessary on him. Right now there are no actions you can take to drive things forward. You'll just have to wait and accept what comes back.
Author CrazyJ Posted July 4, 2006 Author Posted July 4, 2006 He thought it would be too hard on him. He can't speak for you. So, he doesn't want to make any promises? I'm sorry, but to me that means you can't trust him. At least, he is not prepared to give you a commitment for a lousy 10 weeks! Feeling special? He has left you hanging. I am definately not feeling special!! I am feeling unimportant in his life.. but on the other hand I know he has to do this for himself.. He had this planned before we met, and I would never stop him doing something he needed to do for himself.. but I do feel he has left me hanging, he knows I will be here when he gets back.. But then I do agree with the other comments.. hmmmm
magichands Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 I am definately not feeling special!! I am feeling unimportant in his life.. but on the other hand I know he has to do this for himself.. He had this planned before we met, and I would never stop him doing something he needed to do for himself.. but I do feel he has left me hanging, he knows I will be here when he gets back.. But then I do agree with the other comments.. hmmmm Well, I said what I said because I am a hardline romantic. To the death. Which is probably why I have ended up as a flatline romantic. I think Pink and Johan's comments are more balanced than mine. But I think I understand how you feel.
Author CrazyJ Posted July 4, 2006 Author Posted July 4, 2006 I feel like if he can't even take the time to reply to a simple text message saying he is okay! then what hope do I have... he obviously has no interest in making me happy!! But when i spoke to him the other day, I asked him if things were all good between us, and his reply was "Nothing has changed, why would they change"... I have no hope in understanding a male's thought process...
magichands Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 I have no hope in understanding a male's thought process... That Mars/Venus book might be worth a read (better if the library has it, so that you don't have to shell out). Stay cool. And remember, "You're worth it!" Seriously.
justagirliegirl Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 I agree with johan. Nothing you can do will make someone like you more and the calling and texting may turn him off. Always have you own life to where you aren't sitting around waiting on a man. Get out with your friends and have fun like before he was in your life. If you are on a break, date others. Stop all the calls, emails, texts. He knows how to get in touch with you.
Author CrazyJ Posted July 4, 2006 Author Posted July 4, 2006 That was sweet.. thanks. I actually own the book, just never read it.... maybe now is the time!!!
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