Guest Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 I've been dating my g/f for 9 months now and this whole time I've felt it's been a one way street...I give her this and that and get almost nothing in return. I get the feeling that she thinks just telling me she loves me, making dinner and sex should be sufficent, but she never see's the whole picture. She's been in a lot of one nighters and I'm someone who respects a woman to not do that (although I did do it once and only once). My problem is that she wants to marry me, but still wants to have her single life when she wants and stay out at the bar until 2 in the morning on her own. I've told her I don't like it because it reminds me of the lifestyle she's lived and I always worry that one of her "one nighters" is going be at the bar too and try to take advantage of her while she's drunk (she goes to the same bar all the time so they know she's there). She says I just need to trust her, which is hard for me since the last two relationships I've been in ended on trust being broken even after they promised me to "trust" them. I know everyone is different and I shouldn't compare her to the others, but how can I learn to respect her and trust her after my past experiences? I would think that after 9 months I would learn to let loose, but I lost the trust of the only g/f I wanted to marry after being with her for over 18 months...
magichands Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 I give her this and that and get almost nothing in return. I get the feeling that she thinks just telling me she loves me, making dinner and sex should be sufficent Well, that's far more than almost nothing. But, what is it that you do together - apart from the obvious? Is she out at the bar until 2 AM every night?? What is she doing? Either become a bar fly, and share in the fun, or have a good, long think about what you want from a relationship.
Vertex Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 You are only insecure if your concers are needless -- almost paranoid without warrant. In this case though it is justified to worry about people taking advantage of her or hurting her safety if she is always drunk or something similar -- especially if she is at this bar frequently (meaning people will be able to keep tabs on her/know when she will arrive/etc). Do not bring up the past unless it actually has a negative effect. People do change and there has been nothing so far that indicates she'd go into one-night stands in my opinion, but then again this is a primary issue of trust. Has she been trustworthy to you so far? I think it is not insecure to worry about her well-being. It is easy for people to get carried away and drink too much. Wide open targets for the quick-handed.
Recommended Posts