liciabug Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 I was involved with my CP (Commitment Phobic) ex for 4 months when he just up and left. That was memorial day weekend and by the second week in June he was seeing someone else, leaving me DEVASTATED. You see he came on very strong to me. He "knew" he loved me, talked marriage and even though I thought it was a little odd at first, I fell for it. Then once I started to return the feelings I THOUGHT he had, he started getting depressed, having nightmares, wanting to be alone, and was beginning to be very aggrivated with me. Classic Commitment Phobe, right. So at first I was wanting to talk and get some kind of understanding, I told him how much I loved him and we could work it out. Then we decided to be "friends" so we emailed every day. That was a joke or atleast I was beginning to feel like I WAS. He still told me he loved me and that I would be his WIFE one day, WTF?, but he was with someone else, he didnt call me, didnt come see me, just emailed. Then I found out about CPs and how this was "the game" they played and it all made since and gave me some understanding. So over the last couple of days I have had the strength not to email him. NOW he is calling my cell phone, 5 times today alone. He's leaving these pitiful sounding messages and I am trying to be strong, but something in me is wanting to talk to him. Will somebody talk some sense into me, because Im actually feeling like he really misses me and loves me and maybe I can "fix him".
magichands Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 If it isn't bad enough that one minute he showers you with affection, and the next moment you don't exist - the next thing you know he gets involved with someone else. That's about as mixed up as they get. You're in the house of pain. One of these is bad enough to have you checking out, but the double whammy makes it ready, set, go!
daphne Posted July 6, 2006 Posted July 6, 2006 um, run. fast. Been there once and fortunately my guy left me alone after we broke up. He did me a huge favor because he was a big can of crazy and it was the worst roller coaster ride of my life. Let him work his magic on some other victim. It's so not worth the fantasy that you know is just that.
GW7147 Posted July 6, 2006 Posted July 6, 2006 Hi Liciabug, Boy, your thread hits close to home. I met my ex back in the begining of Nov. '05. Things moved pretty fast but it felt great. We got along really well. My ex was in the process of getting divorced and I second guessed my position with her but she ensured me I was not a rebound. She told me, she met a guy 2 months after seperating from her husband. She planned to marry him and sell her house and buy one with this new guy about 1-2 months after they met. I thought: How can she sell, she's not divorced yet. Her husband still has an interest in the house? She broke up with that guy saying he was going back to his wife that he had cheated on before. She then met me 2 months later. Began talking about marriage about 1 1/2-2 months into the relationship. I thought, she moves really fast (as she did with the guy before me). I dismissed my gut feelings (what a fool I was) We had a fantastic time together and the realtionship developed real fast. We went to Cancun and returned just before Easter. Four days after our return, she says she needs time to herself (2 days before she lbreaks up with me, she gives me an Easter card saying her life is blissful with me and she's looking forward to our future times together). Her reason for leaving: She's "dead" inside needs to address issues of her divorce etc..I've been NC about 2 weeks after we split (about 10 weeks). This past Friday, I find out, she's been dating some guy for the past month and she's getting married!! I was like, Holy Crap!! Same scenario, meet somebody and a month later, talk marriage. Don't know if it'll last with her or not but, It's been a long strange, difficult trip for me!! I never knew about the traits of a CP but I'm guessing my ex could be one. I don't know? Hang in there and be glad you're out of there!! Don't bother with that clown!! All the best, GW
daphne Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 The one good thing about breaking up with a commitmentphobe, is that you know they will never be happy in a relationship and neither will their partner. That leaves the rest of us who are sane to seek happiness elsewhere.
Curmudgeon Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 Oh, you can "fix" him alright. Kinda like what a vet does to a male dog. He probably deserves to be neutered!
bendit Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 he's needy and is using you. he wants you at arms length and he likes the "supply" you give him. If you play this game of his you will give him exactly what he wants. He will have you on a "string" and also the freedom to see other people. This is his personal Nirvana. If you go back and forth with him, you will just make yourself miserable and give him EXACTLY what he wants. btw, when you dance with a CP, notice that it takes TWO (CPs) to tango. Unless YOU take steps to stop it, this will go on and on and on in the same dysfunctional manner. regards
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