Guest Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 I'm a 22 year old single female. I have been the OW for about a month now. J and I have known each other for 3 years, we work together. For the last year we have been getting closer, have become good friends, and things are quickly progressing. He has been dating his gf for 2 years (although he broke up with her for awhile earlier this year). He complains a lot to me about how he isn't all that happy with her anymore, but I think she was so upset last time he broke up with her that he's afraid to do it now. Or maybe I'm just making excuses for him? At first it was just something fun between the two of us...we obviously have a connection, but neither of us thought it would go this far...but now I've developed real feelings for him. Considering that he's still with her, I'm feeling like I'm good enough to cheat on her with but not good enough to leave her for. Also, I don't want it to end...he means a lot to me. Not only what we have now, but our friendship also. I'm open to comments/suggestions.
Tony T Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 Not until the day I die will I ever understand why OM and OW think for a second they're going to get their MM or MW to leave their spouses and marry them...or even have a long term relationship with them. That only happens in a tiny fraction of the cases and even then there is seldom the trust required in a good marriage. This guy is playing you and will play you as long as he can get the excitement from you that he's not getting from his marriage. If he married you, eventually he'd get that excitement from someone else. These people are adrenaline junkies who like to live on the edge. I know you love him more than anything. If you love him so much you are willing to let him screw up your life or a good portion of it, continue seeing him...but also see a counsellor to learn why you would want to continue seeing a married man who is most likely lying to you at every turn and has no intentions of leaving his wife. It's hard enough to get the straight truth from available guys, much less men who are simply not in a position to be able to shoot straight with you. The truth is that the full extent of your alleged "friendship" with this guy is what you can offer him in terms of a diversion from his unhappiness at home. If you weren't there, it would be somebody else....really special, uh? Not what you wanted to hear...but the truth. It's just unfortunate. If you do see a counsellor like you really need to do, find out why you let yourself fall for unavailable people...married people. In my book, it's one way people have of avoiding true and honest intimacy. If that's your issue, you've got about a year's couch time coming.
Buttaflyy Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 Please take heed to Tony's post. In a nutshell, you are setting yourself up for heartache. He will not leave his GF for you nor will he be exclusive with you. You have already opened the door for him to be with you and someone else. Why should he then be with only you?? He's not even married to this woman so what keeps him with her? He could have left her as soon as he felt his feelings changed toward her. Especially, if he had someone else (you) standing by. He already has a plan for you. Please don't make excuses for him. What he's telling you is a big EXCUSE. This did not just happen as you think. It never does. He knew that he was in a relationship when he started putting the moves on you. This is the type of guy he is. Do you really want a man like this?
ahotmess Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 I have been in a R with a MM for over a year now. Get out if it's not too late! I had a thought the other day......it goes like this....."If I get exactly what I want in this situation....what will I have? A cheating husband." And I know that it's the truth. As a single woman I doubt I would ever cheat on someone. I never thought I would be in the situation that I am in now. It literally just happened. But I am in it......and it sucks. But I think about how much the other side sucks.....for my MM's W......that may be more hellacious than this...at least she didn't create the misery herself...like I did....like all OW do. Breathing is hard for me at this point. And Tony T is correct in saying that these situations only work out in a fraction of the cases. But even if it worked out.....what would you have? A man who you are completely and totally in love with....a man who you would give the world for...and he in return would give the same...but would cheat on you. Would have the exact same experience with another woman as he is having with you. And what if he never did? What if he stayed faithful? Wouldn't he always be having this experience , at least in your mind?
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