Anastasiya Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 I am trying to figure out what happened. Was it that he is a commitmentphobe? Or is it the mood swings that cokeheads get? Please help I don't know much about the hole coke thing and what it does to people. Here is my story: We met about over year ago and we fell in love. At least I did anyway. I don't know what to think on his part anymore. He would disappear though. Like he would call me, make plans to see me, then no pick up his phone. Sometimes for weekends. I was baffled. I had no idea what the hell to think. Then I started realizing it was because he was at the bar getting trashed. I got so fed up with it I couldn't take any more. When he was around he was great, when he wasn't it was like insane. I had all sorts of people come up to me and tell me that he was a big cokehead... I had no idea what that intailed. I questioned him about it and he said he stopped since he met me. So we broke up because I got so fed up with his constant disappearance, I mean it would be like 3-4 times a week! A few weeks later he contacted me again and apologized and said I was the best thing that ever happened to him and he was sorry and we went back out again. He wasn't diappearing as much, but he still did it. He was still at the bar when that would happen. It was insane then he would make up these elaborate stories, like he didn't want me to know how out of control he is. Same thing happened, except this time he just disappeared, I sent him some text messages like what the hell is going on, and he stopped speaking to me. A few months went by and he came back again. He went through the I am so sorry, I just got angry, got in a bad mood, that was always the excuse, the bad mood. He said when he disapeared and I got fed up, sent him a message saying to leave me alone, he just ran with that. I told him why didnt he answer when I tried to reach him and he said it was his pride issue. He promised he would work on that and things would be different. He said he was working nights now so he wasn't at the bar that much and things would be different. I believed him like an idiot. Because I love him. Things were good this time, he wasn't disappearing, but I barely saw him, only on weekends. Which means god knows how often he was doing it during the week, since he claimed to be sleeping most of the time. I know he was gonig to the bar on Fridays and getting really really wasted. He would come over to my house afterwards and it was just frightening, his breathing, the chest pains. I was going to confront him, didnt get a chance to. The same thing happened, one day he got pist because I didnt return his call right away, it was like a day or two but I had a lot going on and he was like not really calling me and not around, so he snapped, he sent me a nasty text and I tried calling, sending him messages, nothing, he just disappeared, changed his number... I am friends with his best friend and he casually tells me stories of how bad his addiction is and how he is ripping his friends off, and can't pay for anything and all this stuff. He seems to go into really bad binges when we arent together, like I got a story that he blew 2k between him and his friend one night. I dont know what to make of all this. It's like when he's near me he acts like this decent good person, then from people he sounds like an out of control coke head... I kept denying it to myself, he was such a good liar about it. But all the health issues, the scary nights, the stories, the way he hurts me. I dont know. I'm hurt for what he's done to me in the process but I'm sure it's not nearly as bad as what he is doing to himself. I don't want anything bad to happen to him. Im just really scared any minute something is going to happen.
Lola Smith Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 First, I am so sorry to hear that you are going thru this. I can relate to the feelings you are going thru. Before I met my ex, I didn't know a thing about addiction. Reading your story was like re-living some of the same exact moments I went thru with my ex. Same exact incidents. For days I wouldn't know where he was. Always disappearing at the bar. The alcohol makes them come down from the coke. The thing with my ex was that he eventually blamed me for his problem. He started out with a prescription pill problem, then it turned into coke. he was never compliant with this psychiatrist appointments, didn't complete a rehab program. He blew over 40K in drugs in one year and gambled even more away. I hope your guy isn't blaming you. never think for one second this was your doing. I figured out my ex used his coke issue as a reason not to committ. Not just to me, but anything in life. All the doctors told him he couldn't fix any other issue in life until he fixed his coke problem. While this is true, my ex would then start to use this as an excuse as to why he couldn't committ, why he couldn't do this that or the other. If he forced himself to get help, he would then be forced to confront his own internal issues he was dealing with. The way my ex dealt with everything was very blase. He liked the easy way out of things. I will never forget all the nights he was out at the bar, the forgotten birthdays, holidays, the rages he went into when he came home from the bar, all the nights I stayed up until 5 am waiting for him to come home. That was followed by days of him falling into a deep sleep. Does your guy have family? Can you find a support system for yourself? You have to remember to take care of yourself and always remember you did not do this. You guy needs to admit he has a problem but he needs to be willing to get help. You can always email if you want to talk.
Author Anastasiya Posted July 3, 2006 Author Posted July 3, 2006 woah. im sorry to hear that. i hope you are doing better. my guy just left. he wants nothing to do with me. its so horrible. i just feel like damn i was that horrible that he changed his number?? what did i do?? as far as i am told he's been doing it for years and years like 8-10. he would never ever admit that to me though. or even using it. its weird i cant tell what happened. its like a tornado passed and left all the wrekage.. me.. im worried for him but at the same time im just like so messed up by this. i dont have any friends right now, they all moved or are too busy for me. im just alone and its horrible.
Lola Smith Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 I am doing better thanks, it took awhile. You must take care of yourself and find some sort of support group. I shyed away from my friends, family, al-anon. But had to find help somewhere. When I didn't feel like going out in public to al-anon, I did the online group meetings. No one saw me, I just sat there and read what everyone went thru. Take one day at a time. Remember the good in you. It's hard not to worry about them, but you have to take care of you.
Author Anastasiya Posted July 4, 2006 Author Posted July 4, 2006 Thanks, I do need to take care of myself. I need to feel better and stop thinking about someone with a horrible addiction that has just bulldozed me.
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