theantibarbie23 Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 I have a close friend whom is an OW and also a MW. Her OM is an old boyfriend whom she actually moved across country to get away from. After she returned to this state, four years later, he started to pursue her again. I begged her to stay away from this guy as he treated her like crap. It was too late, she was already hooked. I don't understand why she clings to this psycho. He has become increasingly more abusive to her and has put her in the hospital twice. He's even beaten her in the stomach when she was 30 weeks pregnant (not sure who's child it was) and caused her to lose the baby. He degrades her constantly in public, uses drugs, drinks himself into oblivion, does NOTHING for the kids he does have, can't hold a job, beats her half to death, and yet she acts like he's the best thing ever. It's sick. She knows how I feel about him but actually set me up and took me to a pizza place and had him waiting there for us. I felt so uncomfortable around this guy that I barely spoke the whole time and yet he was actually hitting on me and asking me for my number when my friend left to use the bathroom. Should I keep on telling her that she needs to get out or save my breath? Would telling her about him coming on to me help at all? Should I tell her husband who is overseas? At this point I feel like she is not living in reality anymore. She's a very nice person and usually very level headed. I've known her since we were both kids but for some reason this evil bastard has such a strong grip on her, I have no idea what to do. I am scared for her.
Outcast Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 I would definitely tell her husband, the police, and anyone else you can think of. Lives are at stake here; nothing else matters but saving them IMHO.
Tim'sAngel Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 I would definitely tell her husband, the police, and anyone else you can think of. Lives are at stake here; nothing else matters but saving them IMHO. I agree. It is a sick situation and she needs some kind of intervention before she turns up dead.
yesmaybe Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 If there is such extreme abuse going on, you cannot stay out of it. Do what you can to get her physically as far away from him as possible. Maybe if her husband knew, he would bring her abroad also. Which would be ideal. At the very least - she needs to go into therapy. She has very deep issues that you can't help her with - she needs to fight her demons.
Buttaflyy Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 Was the police not contacted when he beat her??? I don't know, I think you need to be concerned for your own safety as well. If she is protecting him from the police then what could you really do besides tell her husband? Would he leave her if he found out? It be a real mess if she turned on you if you intervened somehow.
Author theantibarbie23 Posted July 4, 2006 Author Posted July 4, 2006 Was the police not contacted when he beat her??? He already went to jail for two years for domestic violence against her the first time they were together (the first time he put her in the hospital with serious injuries) and she left the state and moved across country right before he got out because she thought he would literally kill her. She was scared to death of him, why go back? She was doing so good with her life and was happy before he came around. Now her and her husband are on the brink of divorce. She has been downright vicious to her husband in front of me since this whole thing progressed so I can only imagine how badly she treats him when others aren't around. She's been "loaning" the OM money and is now in a ton of debt. She dropped out of college with less than a year left to go to make more time for him.... It's like watching a train wreck about to happen. She keeps insisting that he's changed although I don't understand how. He's still an abusive scumbag. She defends him to me. He killed her unborn child but really he's not a "bad" guy....... he makes me want to vomit. I don't think her husband would be much of a help as he has pretty much washed his hands of her at this point. She will not rat him out to the police. I wish I could make her see him for what he really is. I feel so helpless in all of this.
Buttaflyy Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 He already went to jail for two years for domestic violence against her the first time they were together (the first time he put her in the hospital with serious injuries) and she left the state and moved across country right before he got out because she thought he would literally kill her. She was scared to death of him, why go back? She was doing so good with her life and was happy before he came around. Now her and her husband are on the brink of divorce. She has been downright vicious to her husband in front of me since this whole thing progressed so I can only imagine how badly she treats him when others aren't around. She's been "loaning" the OM money and is now in a ton of debt. She dropped out of college with less than a year left to go to make more time for him.... It's like watching a train wreck about to happen. She keeps insisting that he's changed although I don't understand how. He's still an abusive scumbag. She defends him to me. He killed her unborn child but really he's not a "bad" guy....... he makes me want to vomit. I don't think her husband would be much of a help as he has pretty much washed his hands of her at this point. She will not rat him out to the police. I wish I could make her see him for what he really is. I feel so helpless in all of this. I'm sorry Girl, but there doesn't seem to be anything that you could do. It sounds like you need to stay clear of this man she's involved herself with, and maybe her too. Maybe, then she will see who is important to her, and realize that she has to make better choices for herself. If I were you I'd talk to her and tell her that I can no longer watch her on her road of self destruction. I'm also sorry for her husband that he had to go through this. Sounds like she pretty much used him and karma is being the bitch that it is sometimes. Maybe if you take a step away from her she will come to light. It may take a while, but that seems to be the only resolve. She has to make her own choices.
Outcast Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 She's probably suffering from battered woman syndrome, meaning she's no longer in any state to make reasonable decisions. Definitely speak to the police - preferably the ones who arrested him the first time if you can. You can remain anonymous.
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